Topic: How to explain I need to be with my boys at Xmas? (Read 9071 times)

Liz · « **Reply #52 on:** November 02, 2007, 23:38:30 PM »

We made it clear after one christmas away from the cats - we only had 2 at the time that we wouldn't be doing it again it broke my heart to leave them and their "New" daddy - we had been together for only 6 months at the time!

Now we spend Christmas at home on our own with the cats and dogs, on 27 Dec we drive 150 miles to celebrate my Dads birthday with the dogs and his friend Elaine then we come home and wait for the inlaws and Elaine and her Cat and dog to come for a week at New Year. It works well and means that for nearly a week the cats and dogs have parents at home with no visitors!!!!

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #51 on:** November 02, 2007, 17:25:34 PM »

Christmas dinner is the only meal I cook LOL, but I have it usually on Christmas Eve and then cold turkey on Christmas day. However its not so much fun now cos my four cats wont eat turkey

Last year it didnt work cos my brother visited Christmas Eve but dont think that will happen this year.

clarenmax · « **Reply #50 on:** November 02, 2007, 17:21:50 PM »

I love making Christmas dinner, its the one day of the year I'll do it all properly

JackSpratt · « **Reply #49 on:** November 02, 2007, 13:14:24 PM »

I have to admit to having NEVER made a Christmas dinner. I've not lived at the family home for 14 years, but still go back there every Christmas Day for my full Christmas dinner! My partner suggested we go somewhere different a couple of years ago, and I threw a strop about it!

Cheesecat · « **Reply #48 on:** November 01, 2007, 22:56:08 PM »

JS, I quite like it too, I wish we were nearer though as its a bit of a trek to the old family home for Christmas Dinner - last year was my first year of ME doing the dinner - with just me, OH and the cats but I would go to parents house if it was nearer as I am a bit of a stickler for tradition (and not having to do so much washing up all to myself)

Swamp, glad you sorted it out - I think we on purrs definitely know what you mean by saying your cats are your children

Ooooh i'm quite Christmas-excited now

JackSpratt · « **Reply #47 on:** October 30, 2007, 15:54:25 PM »

Quote from: Sabrina (Auferstehen) on October 30, 2007, 15:26:03 PM

Quote from: JackSpratt on October 30, 2007, 15:04:15 PM
Huh. I like spending Christmas with family. Am I odd?
Yes

Hehe! Sorry, Swampy I didn't realise one of your furbabes was actually ill - I thought it was a polite get out clause!

Sabrina (Auferstehen) · « **Reply #46 on:** October 30, 2007, 15:26:03 PM »

Quote from: JackSpratt on October 30, 2007, 15:04:15 PM

Huh. I like spending Christmas with family. Am I odd?

Yes

We take the cats with us when we go over to my in laws for Christmas. Gets me out of cooking dinners!

I whine horribly when I want to go home and blame it on the cats, they need all their toys etc...

Glad it's all sorted in the end though

swampmaxmum · « **Reply #45 on:** October 30, 2007, 15:22:18 PM »

Whooo, I wasn't trying to start an argument - just telling the truth and nothing but the truth hurt my cousin's feelings last Xmas and I don't like hurting her. My cats are my children and she doesn't really understand that. It's taken her a year and now she just accepts it for what it is.
When the boys were younger, we used to leave them to go out to family Xmas lunches. High-care though means just that. People would make allowances for a sick baby, but somehow they can't get their heads around a sick pet. Voila. All sorted anyhow. Isn't it horrendous to be talking about Xmas in October though. It's not like it fast forwards the winter.

Ela · « **Reply #44 on:** October 30, 2007, 15:16:37 PM »

Quote

Huh. I like spending Christmas with family. Am I odd

Not at odd all, you are just doing what you want to do and what fits into your lifestyle.

JackSpratt · « **Reply #43 on:** October 30, 2007, 15:04:15 PM »

Huh. I like spending Christmas with family. Am I odd? My partner and I get up early open our pressies to each other and the cats "open their pressies." I put them down their Christmas dinner, then my partner and I go to my mums and me and my siblings meet up there and open family pressies. I guess it's easier because we mostly live fairly close to each other.

Anyway, glad it's all sorted and you got to spend Christmas with who you wanted to!

sheryl · « **Reply #42 on:** October 30, 2007, 14:55:31 PM »

The point is that you dont know her relatives and if telling a lie avoids people getting upset or offended then to my mind it is "unavoidable" to save peoples feelings.

SpecialRed · « **Reply #41 on:** October 30, 2007, 14:48:36 PM »

The answer Girls is YES! lol The mod who removed my post was the final straw! I would lie when its unavoidable and for the best, not over a issue like this thats all. Like I said Im glad she got her point accross without the need to lie!

CurlyCatz · « **Reply #40 on:** October 30, 2007, 14:43:11 PM »

Hi swampmax, was reading your posts and not sure if i missed it or not but are your parents gonna come over too ?

modified

you never mentioned parents sorry, just relatives

Glad your cousin understood

lisa77 · « **Reply #39 on:** October 30, 2007, 14:30:46 PM »

Quote from: sheryl on October 30, 2007, 14:18:41 PM

SpecialRed - has someone upset you?? you seem to have a real "bee in the bonnet" at the moment - can you put your hand on your heart and say that you have NEVER lied ???

I was going to say the exact same thing !

sheryl · « **Reply #38 on:** October 30, 2007, 14:18:41 PM »

Glad that its all sorted, I know that I would rather spend Christmas with my cats and my OH than bickering family (love them to bits but hate the bickering). Im lucky because we are only 40mins away so we just go for a few hours and come home again.

SpecialRed - has someone upset you?? you seem to have a real "bee in the bonnet" at the moment - can you put your hand on your heart and say that you have NEVER lied ???

SpecialRed · « **Reply #37 on:** October 30, 2007, 14:00:20 PM »

Quote from: Susanne (urbantigers) on October 30, 2007, 09:08:43 AM

I'm glad you've worked something out

In theory it's fine to say never lie, but in reality where families are concerned it can be difficult, especially when you don't want to hurt people's feelings. If I'd been 100% honest the past few years at xmas time (won't go into it all here) all it would have achieved would be to upset my mum - who's elderly and not in good health - at xmas and make it an awkward time for everyone.

I understand that its not always EASY to tell the truth but in this instance it was obviously the best way and Im sure she feels better for it than if she had lied.

lisa77 · « **Reply #36 on:** October 30, 2007, 10:09:26 AM »

Quote from: SpecialRed on October 29, 2007, 23:58:58 PM

Quote from: Gill (sneakiefeline) on October 29, 2007, 18:34:49 PM
We are talking about a special needs cat here who has been ill a long time and is currently having problems again and we all care about him and understand that although its only one day , everyday at this point in a cats life is important.
Your cats the pussy not you!

I feel this is a tad harsh.

Susanne (urbantigers) · « **Reply #35 on:** October 30, 2007, 09:08:43 AM »

I'm glad you've worked something out

In theory it's fine to say never lie, but in reality where families are concerned it can be difficult, especially when you don't want to hurt people's feelings. If I'd been 100% honest the past few years at xmas time (won't go into it all here) all it would have achieved would be to upset my mum - who's elderly and not in good health - at xmas and make it an awkward time for everyone.

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #34 on:** October 30, 2007, 07:11:01 AM »

Well, am very pleased there's no need to have to explain, lie or justify now, 'cos you've been able to sort it out to everyone's satisfaction. I hope that everything goes off really well, and you can enjoy your cousins' visit and seeing your friend at Christmas. Cracker anyone.....?

bluecat · « **Reply #33 on:** October 30, 2007, 00:56:39 AM »

Quote from: SpecialRed on October 29, 2007, 23:58:58 PM

Quote from: Gill (sneakiefeline) on October 29, 2007, 18:34:49 PM
We are talking about a special needs cat here who has been ill a long time and is currently having problems again and we all care about him and understand that although its only one day , everyday at this point in a cats life is important.

Well be honest then!! Email Gills comment to them!!!

I dont care about the particulars as making up lies is NEVER acceptable! If the Cats ill tell them exactly why you wont be coming this Christmas. Your cats the pussy not you!

I wouldnt put it like that bit OTT !

Though i dont think lying would help even if they might not understand the reason They should under stand the effort you are making in being honest with them at least

SpecialRed · « **Reply #32 on:** October 29, 2007, 23:58:58 PM »

Quote from: Gill (sneakiefeline) on October 29, 2007, 18:34:49 PM

We are talking about a special needs cat here who has been ill a long time and is currently having problems again and we all care about him and understand that although its only one day , everyday at this point in a cats life is important.

Well be honest then!! Email Gills comment to them!!!

I dont care about the particulars as making up lies is NEVER acceptable! If the Cats ill tell them exactly why you wont be coming this Christmas.

Edit - I see you have now sorted it out by telling the truth, good on you!

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #31 on:** October 29, 2007, 20:07:17 PM »

Pleased this is sorted now so now to get the youing man sorted tomorrow

zoe (tiggy + pipins mum) · « **Reply #30 on:** October 29, 2007, 19:32:56 PM »

As my mum would like me to go there for xmas im taking the kittens with me

But it is easier for me as its not far to go and neithier of them are poorly

ems · « **Reply #29 on:** October 29, 2007, 19:31:19 PM »

Brilliant News!

So glad its all sorted and well done you for being honest, you'll have a great time and I bet you will feel much more settled on Christmas Day with your OH and your gorgeous boys

swampmaxmum · « **Reply #28 on:** October 29, 2007, 19:27:46 PM »

thanks for your support! Well the problem's sorted. My cousins are coming over before Xmas. My friends from abroad want to come for Xmas if she's well enough (a special, special needs person to go with my special needs feline

). I spoke to my cousin who, when I said I'm caring for Swamp virtually constantly now, said "well that's how it is" so I hope she now does understand as I do care deeply for them.
Xmas for me is not a shop fest, but a time to be with those you love the most which for me is OH and my boys.
xx

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #27 on:** October 29, 2007, 18:58:02 PM »

Christmas is about goodwill and generosity, but it doesn't have to be about sacrificing your own peace of mind for someone else's expectations, whether that's emotionally or financially.

(Paddy says he doesn't agree, I'm his own personal slave worshipping at his own personal sacrificial altar and could he have another prawn now please, quick as you like n everyfink....

)

ems · « **Reply #26 on:** October 29, 2007, 18:50:51 PM »

Sounds like a great idea Sue

Thats basically what we'll do, my mum will have everyone round in between Christmas and New Year and its better for everyone.

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #25 on:** October 29, 2007, 18:47:35 PM »

Just thinking this one through. I wonder if one solution would be to say you'd love to see them Christmas Day but they know you worry about the cats because of their problems. You realise you can't have everyone to yours because it isn't practical, but you'd like to invite just them for a special "Christmas celebration" maybe the week before the big day - that way you they get to see you, you get to see them, you can stay at home to be with your babies and you've made the invitation. If they say "it won't be the same" you can agree, but you can say it will be lovely to have them anyway and it would give you much pleasure. That way it's up to them - if they refuse they can hardly accuse you of being thoughtless. It's all about compromise.

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #24 on:** October 29, 2007, 18:34:49 PM »

We are talking about a special needs cat here who has been ill a long time and is currently having problems again and we all care about him and understand that although its only one day , everyday at this point in a cats life is important.

ems · « **Reply #23 on:** October 29, 2007, 18:22:56 PM »

SpecialRed,

I'm afraid that it is another case of someone not knowing the whole story, jumping to conclusions and making quite personal remarks.

If you knew (and cared) about SwampMax as most of us do you would have a better understanding of the topic.

Fair enough you have an opinion but to be honest i thought your comments were quite personal.

Anyways, Good Luck SwampMaxMum

It is funny how Christmas causes so many problems

My mum is quite disappointed that we won't going round on Christmas Day but i can't be bothered to be honest! Would rather be with OH and cats. We'll see them Christmas Eve or something

SpecialRed · « **Reply #22 on:** October 29, 2007, 17:42:16 PM »

Your asking if its ok to lie and people are giving you excuses!!!

Tell them the TRUTH or like most other people come to an arrangement.

What makes me laugh is that its for ONE day!!! Your cats will be fine but to pretend there ill is sad (as one person suggested)!

lisa77 · « **Reply #21 on:** October 29, 2007, 16:14:11 PM »

Nothing as far as I can see hon

berties mum · « **Reply #20 on:** October 29, 2007, 10:31:30 AM »

Me too Lisa - I think my post is responsible for this comment but I'm not sure what I said wrong!

lisa77 · « **Reply #19 on:** October 29, 2007, 09:52:31 AM »

Quote from: Gill (sneakiefeline) on October 28, 2007, 20:27:08 PM

What do you mean Red?

Im baffled on this too !

Ela · « **Reply #18 on:** October 29, 2007, 09:40:47 AM »

Quote

Christmas should be about spending time with whoever you most want to be with, and if it's your cats, that's entirely up to you and is no one else's business.

With that I would agree. I personally would always be truthful (I think

) and just say I am not coming as I need to spend the time with my cat/s. If they didn't like it that would be their problem. If you lie then you have to keep up the pretence each time they ask you to visit. One of the problems which makes the situation more complicated I think is the fact

Quote

OH will never win any Oscars anyhow that's for sure ! He also likes being around people at Xmas as we are otherwise stuck on our own with the furries and it bothers him

.

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #17 on:** October 28, 2007, 20:27:08 PM »

What do you mean Red?

SpecialRed · « **Reply #16 on:** October 28, 2007, 19:47:26 PM »

I cant actually believe what Im reading!!!

You lot are meant to be adults.

berties mum · « **Reply #15 on:** October 28, 2007, 19:45:05 PM »

The first Christmas that I had Bertie, he was 3 months old and myself and my OH at the time were due to be spending Christmas with his mum on the other side of the country, but there was no one to feed the kittens. So I drove there Christmas morning and drove back in the evening, leaving OH there ... I swear they all thought I was mad, but the cats were my priority ... Christmas should be about spending time with whoever you most want to be with, and if it's your cats, that's entirely up to you and is no one else's business.

swampmaxmum · « **Reply #14 on:** October 28, 2007, 10:33:34 AM »

Thanks for the advice! Well I can't ask them here as it's not just them (or I would). It's the extended family and some of their friends too. My flat isn't able to cope with that (and nor is SMMum to be honest). I do plan to ask them over one weekend soon; only problem is OH has an exam in December so he studies at weekends. When they come they will hopefully notice that Swampy's looking old and is frail. If they lived close by it would be doable. They are my cousins and I really do care a lot about them - except her mother who is an appalling, racist old bat. Even that I can cope with though as we have secret competitions on counting how many offensive remarks she makes per minute/hour

I've tried being honest and it didn't go down well. They are offended. So I'm thinking of conniving with another friend who's just got separated to say she is coming here as her kids are off away with friends. The health thing won't work as they'll ask to speak to me anyhow and OH will never win any Oscars anyhow that's for sure ! He also likes being around people at Xmas as we are otherwise stuck on our own with the furries and it bothers him - the whole Xmas thing probably sigh.

jetcleo · « **Reply #13 on:** October 28, 2007, 09:31:52 AM »

I'd agree with Sam, can you not invite them to yours this year before you get the invite from them??

I'm lucky (well sometimes not) in that my close family all live within 10 miles of me so i don't have far to travel. I love Xmas and enjoy spending it in my own home with my cat family

Author Topic: How to explain I need to be with my boys at Xmas? (Read 9071 times)