How to keep my calm....when Old Mog isn't

[Sue P (Paddysmum)]

Exactly - I think they get a little anxious, and need us to give them that little bit extra.  Luckily, Paddy comes to me during the night and leaves Ken alone, so he always gets his little fuss.

[JackSpratt]

Sometimes when he comes up on to the bed in the middle of the night, he'll announce himself with a big wail...

Old Mog does that, but to my partner. Who although very patient with her when conscious, isn't brilliant when woken up! I've taken to shutting her out when he comes to bed (he goes to bed later than me) and then keeping her out the room until a reasonable hour! I think she just wants us to know where she is!

[Sue P (Paddysmum)]

I think it would.  I think Swamp's Mum's right - you would know on an instinctive level.  You have more empathy with your old girl than you realise, so don't be hard on yourself.

The very fact she was curled up on your knee and purring away to herself is great.  When cats purr because they're in pain, they tend to keep to themselves and hunch up somewhere away from human contact. 

Paddy does the silent meow too, or sometimes his purr somes out as a sort of "huff".... usually when he's trying to get me to feed him (again!)
Sometimes when he comes up on to the bed in the middle of the night, he'll announce himself with a big wail, and then he stomps up the bed and peers into my face.  All  he wants me to do is to touch him and give him a little headrub, and then he'll snuggle down behind my knees and go to sleep.  He just needs some extra reassurance now he's older.   

[JackSpratt]

Oh yes - she purrs like a tractor! My cousin visited on Wednesday and was sat across the room from me. Old Mog was on my knee purring and my cousin said "Wow, that's a load purr! I can hear her from here!"

I hope it would be obvious if her life was terrible. 

[swampmaxmum]

Is she still having a good purr with you? My Swamp has gone stone deaf and for the moment he's stopped the yowling but is making silent miaows (I'm sure he thinks they are loud). He went through a very loud period, mostly during the night and I had to get up and just be with him, which he clearly found comforting. Does your being with her calm her down? It's so distressing I know and I do know how helpless you feel. I'm also having trouble reading the changes in my old Swampa who used to be so boisterous and lively and is now my little old man.  I don't know how you just learn to accept that they are now old and that they'll yowl and complain, but I think you would know if life was unbearable? all the best.

[JackSpratt]

Thanks Sue. I've got tears in my eyes after reading your post - because you're so accurate about why I end up losing my grip and getting so wound up.

I would love to be able to be SURE she's as happy as she's always been. With the other three cats it's easier to read their body language or noises, but Old Mogs have become different since she started to develop this health issue. I need to know when she's yowling she isn't miserable - I can't deal with the idea she's desperately unhappy and I don't know it.

[Sue P (Paddysmum)]

I've been reading this with interest because since Paddy began to go deaf, he also started yowling - usually when he's been outside and then comes in - it's like he wants us to know he's back.  But sometimes he just runs upstairs and yowls for no reason.   I think my own views echo Gill's on this.  Looking after elderly relatives, people or pets can be a voyage into the unknown, and it can be at times upsetting, alarming and frustrating, but above all so long as the quality of life is good, then they're things to be met with and to learn from for next time, and so long as there are still loving and funny moments, they're worth ten of all the rest.

And you're not bad JS, or mad - just struggling to cope and desperate to understand.  It's because you care that you want to help her, and to understand what's going on in her world, and you get upset because you can't be sure.  You love her though, and that's what counts.   

I always think that if I could have one "super-hero" gift, it would be to be able to communicate with animals.  I've no doubt it would be a curse as much as a blessing  (how many times would I catch Paddy saying "woomin - is you stoopid, or what?!)

[JackSpratt]

Thanks for the suggestions.

And Gill, thanks for explaining the situation. Other than confusion, Old Mog is very much a "normal" (put in inverted commas because I've yet to meet a normal cat!) cat. She loves fuss, eats, sleeps, drinks, toilets normally and sometimes even plays. There's no way that I could let her go unless she were suffering, which doesn't appear to be the case.

[alisonandarchie]

I don't know if 7/11 breathing might help,I was told about it yesterday and it does have a calming effect if things get too much. You just breathe in for 7 and then out for 11. Carry on for about 1min. Another technique is deep beathe in then breathe out saying 321 relax. Otherwise rescue remedy as mentioned is great.

[blackcat]

I'm with you there Gill. As long as they are healthy why do something drastic. Bob was also prone to midnight shrieks, but he was otherwise perfectly happy and healthy (apart from crystals in the bladder). So you just put up with it. And you give them love and when it gets you down you hit your head against the wall occasionally - old age happens to all of us sooner or later...

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Sorry bit I am going to answer for Js on this but in my case with Kocka  she was very old and unwell and suffering with dementia, also nearly deaf and they shout when they are deaf so they can here themselves and the dementia makes it happen too the vet told me.

Cats grow old just the same as us and I think they suffer the same confusion as humans in the same situation. Maybe also they just want more time and cintact and we try our best to do that.

JS has a similiar problem with dementia in her cat and there is nothing more that can be done cos there is no physical cause that a vet can find and at the end of the day its whether you want to say goodbye to an aging noisy cat for just that reason.

When they have been your best friend for a long time and other aspects of their life are good and like JS said her cat was playing with mice a couple of days ago, then why should you say goodbye cos they are just getting old.

Like most cats owners I would love it if a cat could talk to us and tell us why they shout or where they hurt or whether they have just had enough but sadly they cant and we have to make the best decisions that we can.

[Maddiesmum]

My cat, Dragan, is extremely vocal and will sometimes behave like a child in a supermarket when the sweets are near the checkout.  Sometimes, in the past, it has driven me to distraction and it is difficult to ignore.  However if you read my other post about the dangers of string you will realise how sick he has been and now the sound of his constant meowing is music to my ears!

[Lang]

Thanks! I'm feeling a bit better today. Madam is only sporadically moaning as opposed to yesterday when it seemed to be on a constant loop! The other three cats seem such low maintenance compared to her - even my diabetic!

I do shout out of frustration more than anything else, because whatever I do she still cries and I don't know if it's because she's unhappy or just a bit confused!

I have a very vocal Bengal, which I have to keep indoors.  Some evenings it is non-stop yowling.  He yowls when he wants food, yowls when he wants attention, and yowls in the evening when he wants to go out.

It does drive you mad sometimes, and unfortunately my dilemma is that if I do let him out, there are dangerous roads nearby, plus all kinds of perils for a cat, particularly a Bengal.  But he is an intelligent cat, and gets bored indoors.  I think that one day I will have to let him out and take his chances, but I will keep him in as long as I can.

But in his case he always yowls for a reason, even if it's not always clear what that reason is.  It is probable your cat is also crying for a specific reason.  It could be that she is not really 'with it', although in my experience cats don't have the same mental issues we do as we age.  Have you had her checked over thoroughly at the vet's?  Toothache is a possibility.  If she is intelligent, she might be getting bored too.  There are all kinds of reasons why a cat might cry, and not all of them are obvious. 

You have probably checked all these things anyway, but I am just trying to think of anything that might help.  Best of luck, anyway, and I wish you some peaceful days. 

[Christine (Blip)]

Hmm, what's the name of that Tibetan monk tape then? 

Meditation de Tchenresi by Lama Seunam Tsering
AS DE COEUR PRODUCTIONS 1996

It is probably an acquired taste, but it does it for me 

[JackSpratt]

Thanks! I'm feeling a bit better today. Madam is only sporadically moaning as opposed to yesterday when it seemed to be on a constant loop! The other three cats seem such low maintenance compared to her - even my diabetic!

I do shout out of frustration more than anything else, because whatever I do she still cries and I don't know if it's because she's unhappy or just a bit confused!

[swampmaxmum]

You'd not be human if you didn't have a yell sometimes! I've yelled horrible words at Max when he was hungry but kept refusing all foods I put in front of him. Afterwards feel terrible and cuddle him a lot.  It blows over; you have to let off steam. Caring for elderly cats (anything or anyone elderly) is hard work and stressful.  You know if you didn't care, you'd not shout - you'd just ignore and so in a funny way, shouting back shows that you do care.  Agree about finding something that relaxes you and distracts you when the volume gets turned up.
Hmm, what's the name of that Tibetan monk tape then?  I know wild animals sometimes have gentle classical music played to them to soothe them (bit of a prob if the animal's deaf mind you  ).
Just sound off on here when it gets too much, we all understand I reckon!

[Dawn F]

the fact that you are even writing this means you are not a bad person, if you were you wouldn't feel guilty.  I'm afraid I've no advice but just wanted you to know what I thought

[JackSpratt]

Gill, I know you've told me some of what you went through with Kocka. I will admit to shouting back at her sometimes, but generally I feel so guilty seconds after I've done it that I end up in tears.

I  think it's the feeling of helplessness, and watching a cat that's been my companion for 12 years start to become less independant and "bouncy" as she used to be. Although, she does have kitten moments which I love seeing. Her and my youngest cat were fighting toy mice the other day and it made me laugh so much!

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

As you know, I understand having been there with Kocka.

I never found away of dealing with it unless I couldnt hear it. Looking back I feel so guilty but I used to shout back, she probably couldnt hear me but it was all I could do. I never found a way of coping with it but I loved her so much.

Sadly its starting with Franta although I think in his case he is just an attention seeker and wants to be a lapcat all the time but he is nearly deaf too and already I am imitating him and shouting back.........sigh.

I wish I knew a way of helping but I dont 

[JackSpratt]

Hmmmm...are sure it isn't a cup of whisky and a drop of tea? That would definately dampen the noise!

It's very similiar to a crying baby, Clare. And possibly NEARLY as draining!

Thanks for the support. It's harder some days than others.

[clarenmax]

It must be very hard not to lose your temper occasionally, especially if there's nothing you can do to help ...... I would imagine its similar to a crying baby, sometimes hard to stay calm as you can't make it better 

[Sabrina (Auferstehen)]

 

I'm sure Mog will cope with you losing your temper a bit, we all do it eventually.

Whiskey in your cup of tea should help a bit

[blackcat]

... and a bit of rescue remedy (for you, not Moggs) would not go astray. Deep breathing and leaving the room works for me when I want to scream at people at work (a frequent occurence)

[Christine (Blip)]

I am sure none of us who reads your posts would think badly of you for a moment, JS, and I can well see that you must be at the end of your tether with dear Old Mog sometimes. 

Do you do relaxation sessions each day?  You can get DVDs to help if you are new to it.  If you are a bit of an anxious person anyway, it would certainly help you.  I also have a couple of CDs of Tibetan monks chanting which de-stress me very successfully (I took one into hospital last year when I had a little op and it worked wonders on my blood pressure).

A glass of wine in the evening is pretty helpful too  although not, perhaps, the answer for earlier in the day.

[JackSpratt]

I've asked this before I think, but Old Mog has literally had me in tears this morning. I give her a fuss every morning when I get up (the others are content wth a quick stroke before chowing down and aren't really bothered after that) but literally minutes after the fuss while I'm trying to do housework she's screaming again. I'm starting to feel completely worn down by her.  I love her a lot (she's been with me 12 years, it's hard not to love such a constant companion!) but currently I find myself snapping at her - which I hate.

Anyone got any advice on how to chill out and cope with this situation? I'm by nature a stressed out person, so that isn't particularly useful.

(I'm really worried everyone will think I'm horrible after posting this, but I really am not dealing with this very well!)