Tricky situation - is this fair on my cats?

[Schmew]

Pinkbear - I hope your situation is better now, it is an awful thing to go through. Unfortunately this isn't the first friend I've seen through this kind of thing and I know it's even more common than people realise.

Dogs Trust run the freedom project which arranges care for dogs of women going into refuge, but they only cover London and Yorkshire. Paws for Kids offer a similar service somewhere in the North West. I really don't want to have to ask her to find somewhere else for the dog unless things get really bad for the rest of the animals. We'll keep reviewing the situation here and see how everyone goes on, it's not ideal for my friend either so I know she'll be keen to get sorted and move on when it's possible.

On a good note, my little Buffy and fluffy Bobby both came up to bed last night! Buffs did her usual stuff which I took as a good sign. Boysie was still mewy in his cage but not scratching to get out (he is loose during the day in my room so I'm trying not to feel too bad about it). The cats are still loving my dogs though so I'm hoping this means things will be ok after all.

[Susanne (urbantigers)]

Tricky situation.  I hope everything settles down and things work out ok.  Your plan to split the house sounds like a good idea.

[Pinkbear (Julie)]

There is a charity, not sure of the name off hand, but they foster pets for the victims of domestic violence whilst they sort themselves out. The women's and children's refuges should have details.

An awful situation. Been there myself, sadly.... 

[Schmew]

Ooh I've just noticed I've become a senior cat - cool!

Didn't get much sleep last night. Boysie the foster is non too pleased about being caged overnight (I don't suppose many of them are when they're not used to it) so that was distressing to hear. He's definitelt getting used to my dogs though and they are very respectful of him. Bobby my ginger boy isn't worried by Boysie either and quite hapily came to bed (he did insist on sleeping right on top of me so that was fun. My worry really is Buffy, she's the most sensitive and didn't come up at all last night, I hate it when they're upset. I'm hoping she will come and have some loves tonight, but I suppose Boysie crying in a cage won't help. Unfortunately there are no other rooms he can go in. Although the cats have met a few times I've been trying to do the intros gradually to cause least upset, and I don't want to just let him loose with them unsupervised, it's stressy enough as it is for now. I think Boysie would cope fine he is just that type, in fact he's a little babe! Very non confrontational with the cats. Sadly the extra dog doesn't appear to be getting any better, when she meets the cats she barks and goes forwards but even though I don't think she'd make contact I don't like her barking at them, it's not good for them. Trying to keep them separate is the best option, but not always possible as we still have to get in and out of the back with the dogs.

However, I'm sure things will get better and will settle with time, I just hate my babies to be upset in their own home. 

Thanks for letting me sound off, it does really help. I know it won't be forever, I just need to try and make the best of it for the furbabes in the meantime.

Hope everyone else is well

xxx

[Schmew]

Thanks all. The ex has become remarkably reasonable (Surprise. I think he's actually had quite a shock himself when the police turned up) and bill paying etc will be sorted. the police managed to mess the whole thing up with crossed wires at the time of the event but someone from the domestic violence unit is going to contact my friend tomorrow for advice etc. I know the arguments about 50 50 possesion etc but really she's better off out of there and the police didn't seem to think there were any offences so they won't take it any further.

the main thing is she's safe and out of a bad situation there, he doesn't know where she is although they have spoken to sort some of the bills issues. We have spent the day shuffling the house around, so the cats have their own space and when paths need to cross they can be managed. My cats came up to bed last night and made a huge fuss so they are forgiving me at least! I'm not sure Buffy will be pleased about Boysie in our room at night but he had a trip out into the cat run earlier and introduced himself again! He's great with em, it'll just take time and the feliway plug ins are in.

Thanks again, best get off to bed!

xxx

[Rosiecat]

What an awful situation - please ask her to consult a Solicitor both for advice re an injunction and regarding the house.   I would also contact the mortgage company and advise them of the situation - I was in a similar situation many years ago but bought my ex out.    If she does not wish to return there could the house not be rented out on a short term tenancy (with permission of mortgage company) to cover the mortgage payments whilst it is on the market?    There is always a way around these things but PLEASE encourage her to seek legal advice asap. 

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

I agree with bc, she needs take some legal advice, try citizens advice maybe to start with. Maybe a lawyers letter would do the trick but if he threatens her or her poissessions she should go to the police and make sure they log it and give her the log number.

This will be useful later if things get serious or if there is any disputes over ownership..........she must not be forced out of her house.

You are very kind Schmew and understand the problems cos I too am social only by appt and could not stand living with another  for any length of time.

You seem to have a plan but your friend now needs a plan too to get her back into her house.

try as many de-stressing things for your cats as possible 

[JackSpratt]

Blimey, Schmew. What a terrible situation for your friend. (and by default, you!)

Years ago, I helped out at a place where dog wardens took "stray dogs." If they weren't claimed after eight days, the inevitable happened. One of the dogs they brought in was a very young dobi X and when his eight days were up, I couldn't cope with the idea that such a short life would end in that place. So I signed him out in my name. I had to have a gate at the bottom of my stairs and he had the run of the downstairs and the cats had the run of the upstairs. It was utter mayhem, but at the time I felt there was no option.

When I'm trying to say is give it a go. You never know whether animals will get more relaxed with each other if you don't try. I think the feliway idea is a good one too.

 

[blackcat]

Your friend needs to consult a lawyer like NOW. Possession is nine tenths of the law and by vacating the house (even in these terrible circumstances) she has reduced her chances of a fair settlement once the house is sold. If possible, she should move back in and take out a restraining order against her partner approaching the place. The animal thing is very tricky, but you seem to have established as reasonable an arrangement as possible. Take care both of you.

[COSMIC CREEPERS]

hello 

well i think your making the best of a bad job , its very tricky , get a feliway plug in from vets or online that will help or spray , it wont be for too long 
i like my own sace too - and like to do my own thing but when it comes to friends its only a short time

Good luck as long as there all warm fed and played with they will be fine 

[jetcleo]

What a tricky situation you're in, sounds like you've thought about everything you could do but it is difficult for you, your friend and your cats.  Like you said maybe given time the dogs and cats will get used to each other and live in harmony. 

It is a shame she has been driven out of her home though, can't the police do more to help her so she can stay in her owm home and he stays away

Good luck with everything

[Schmew]

Hi,

having to ask advice, just think I need a bit of reassurance....

My friend from dog training has split up with her partner, but due to having joint mortgage etc they've been sharing the house til it's sold (which isn't happening)......he's been making threats and being funny with her for some time but last night he was drunk and kicked off big time, needless to say she was terrified, came here and we've been back today with police to collect some stuff as he has been threatening to burn it etc..

So she's staying with me (which is fine, even though I am normally only social by appointment!) and so is her dog. The dog gets on fine with my dogs, but is very barky and chasy with the cats. The cats have decamped to the cat run. They will often stay out of the way when dogs visit if their not cat friendly, but this will be a possibly long term indefinite thing til her house is sold and she can afford to rent (this is out of question at mo). With them being FIV + I don't want them too stressed and certainly not for long periods.

My plan is to split the house in two, so my cats have upstairs access, what is currently my dog room, and also outside to their run freely. My friend and her dog will stay in the spare room downstairs and during day while we're at work all the dogs will be in front room so cats can have rest of house. Boysie the FIV foster is currently in the spare room downstairs - he will have to move into my room, which he can be shut in during the day on his own but will have to be caged at night til he's integrated -( this still hasn't been achieved due to circumstances with time, animals etc.)

My friend is obviously really stuck and having a bad time - I can't not help. (All her family are down south). The onlyother thing we can think of is for her dog to stay elsewhere, but I don't want to separate her from her dog, things are bad enough for her as it is but I do have to think of my cats.

I think given time and careful work, her dog may improve with the cats.

I'm just concerned and want to do the best for all involved (you may find me going mental on here in the future, I am by nature quite a solitary person and have lived alone for 7 years...) and wondered if anyone has any suggestions or comments, hopefully helpful, I'd be grateful. Thanks as always

xxx