Topic: Boundaries (Read 9324 times)

jezebel · « **Reply #21 on:** February 13, 2020, 17:41:13 PM »

Blood tests show it's more likely to be her kidneys, but we'll know more when the urine results are through.
She's a lot better though, maybe because she's stopped vomiting. She had another injection today and is starting new pills tomorrow.

I think Vincent is picking up on all the stress, poor lad. He's still bothering her but at least there have been no more fights.
Strange thing: Vincent has a bed downstairs which he stopped using a couple of months ago. Yesterday, Drum decided she wanted it, and he's now sleeping in hers.

Cats are weird, aren't they? It's probably why we love them, but boy are they weird!

dawnf · « **Reply #20 on:** February 13, 2020, 08:41:30 AM »

I found royal canin calm food a god send with our tense situation - I still use it even though tilly has gone because star seems to get cystitis every time I stop

jezebel · « **Reply #19 on:** February 12, 2020, 16:19:29 PM »

Thanks everyone.
I had to leave her at the vet's for a couple of hours while they took blood and urine samples. Should get the blood results tomorrow. They also gave her an injection to stop her vomiting, so at least she'll keep her medicine down tonight.
Vincent has been on zylkene since yesterday, I'm hoping it kicks in soon. It's not only how he behaves around Drum, I'm also hoping he'll stop hiding when someone knocks at the front door!
I'm supposed to be working from home this week but I've hardly done anything.

Frances · « **Reply #18 on:** February 12, 2020, 15:43:41 PM »

Quote from: Sue P (Paddysmum) on February 12, 2020, 15:29:43 PM

Maybe Vincent senses her illness in some way and his response to her is influenced by it?

That crossed my mind too.

Sending positive vibes for Drum and

for you.

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #17 on:** February 12, 2020, 15:32:15 PM »

There are instances of dogs and cats who react to various kinds of illness in their guardian's and for example can forewarn of diabetic coma, epilepsy or certain types of cancer. Some things we may not be able to explain yet but could have sound basis in science.

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #16 on:** February 12, 2020, 15:29:43 PM »

Jezebel, am so sorry to hear this about Drum, bless her, and sdndingblots of positive thoughts for the vet

Maybe Vincent senses her illness in some way and his response to her is influenced by it?

Lyn (Slugsta) · « **Reply #15 on:** February 12, 2020, 15:17:39 PM »

Oh Jezebel, this all sounds very upsetting for you

dawnf · « **Reply #14 on:** February 12, 2020, 12:42:48 PM »

how did you get on

jezebel · « **Reply #13 on:** February 12, 2020, 09:45:38 AM »

Drum's hyperthyroidsm has taken a turn for the worse (literally days after her insurance cover for it ran out!).
She's eating like she's starving, and then throwing up. She's started howling suddenly, and when she howls she wets herself. Vet's appointment in half an hour.
Vincent's attention to her has now gone into overdrive - he literally can't leave her alone. Maybe she smells different or something.
Happy days.

Judecat (Paula) · « **Reply #12 on:** February 11, 2020, 23:48:55 PM »

At least they're laughing together.

jezebel · « **Reply #11 on:** February 11, 2020, 06:36:41 AM »

Don't understand it, no, but I showed it to Vincent and Drum and they're still laughing.

Judecat (Paula) · « **Reply #10 on:** February 11, 2020, 01:32:05 AM »

Sorry about you still having problems with Vincent and Drum. I am afraid I can't add anything constructive, apart from the miraculous Zylkene in their wet food, if they eat wet? It certainly helped with Merlin's bullying Emo. It's a milk protein, I don't know how it works, but it did calm things right down. The vet sells it, but it's far cheaper on Amazon. +++++++**9/++++++++ (Bob wanted to say her two pennorth. I hope you can understand it better than me.

)

jezebel · « **Reply #9 on:** February 10, 2020, 19:15:08 PM »

I knew it was my fault: Cats mirror their owners' personalities

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #8 on:** February 10, 2020, 13:07:13 PM »

Quote from: Frances on February 09, 2020, 19:46:39 PM

Quote from: jezebel on February 09, 2020, 19:02:06 PM
I don't really care if he's stupid or not. I love him to bits!
Can someone explain again the "cats are so relaxing" theory .

Certainly weren't me.

jezebel · « **Reply #7 on:** February 09, 2020, 21:10:30 PM »

Forgot to say that Vincent's sight and hearing are excellent. He had a check up a couple of weeks ago and he's in pretty good shape.

Frances · « **Reply #6 on:** February 09, 2020, 19:46:39 PM »

Quote from: jezebel on February 09, 2020, 19:02:06 PM

I don't really care if he's stupid or not. I love him to bits!

Can someone explain again the "cats are so relaxing" theory

.

jezebel · « **Reply #5 on:** February 09, 2020, 19:02:06 PM »

I think you're spot on about Drum starting the fight out of frustration. Can't blame her, really!

Your cuddle buddy theory is interesting, but he doesn't try to get close to her all the time. As I'm typing this, he just jumped off the sofa to follow her to her food bowl (and he's not hungry).

He's an odd one. I don't really care if he's stupid or not. I love him to bits!

Frances · « **Reply #4 on:** February 09, 2020, 16:31:57 PM »

Jezebel, I’ve been thinking about this. Somehow Vincent doesn’t understand – or misinterprets – Drum’s “go away and leave me alone” messages. I know you didn’t see the start of the fight but, like you, my suspicion is that she probably started it out of frustration. I’ve come up with two possibilities.

How much do you know about Vincent’s past? Possibly he had a cuddle-buddy (a littermate?) from whom he was separated and is seeking a replacement (rather than not having learned "manners" from siblings). In your previous thread you described how Vincent’s anxiety levels rocketed (spitting) when you picked up Drum so she could be sick in the sink, which he stopped when she was back on the floor and then appeared “concerned”. For whatever reason he doesn’t seem to want to be separated from her.

If you haven’t done so already, it might be useful to see how he behaves after both he and Drum have been separated for a while. If he makes a beeline for her it might support him having a behavioural problem.

I understand Drum is deaf. Could Vincent also have a problem with his eyesight and/or hearing (rather than just being dense! – my cats don’t do puzzle toys either) which might explain why he’s not picking up on Drum’s signals. I think I'd want to cross off any physical reason for him apparently ignoring Drum's all too clear "go away" messages.

Perhaps keeping them separate and then trying reintroductions after you’ve moved; as you say, new territory for both of them.

jezebel · « **Reply #3 on:** February 09, 2020, 11:56:50 AM »

The fight ended with me shouting at them to stop! They both ran downstairs, Drum went to her bed and Vincent followed her and tried to approach her again.

If he's not thick then he's a masochist - or possibly some sort of demon!

Probably this is not the best home for Vincent, but we were told he was a quiet, affectionate boy (which he is with us) so he sounded perfect. Now I just feel sorry for both of them.

I'm not sure reintroducing them would make any difference. If they'd got on well in the past, or hadn't known each other for very long then I would give it a go. When Vincent first arrived, we did the whole introducing them slowly, scent swapping and everything.

For now, we're going to put Drum in her sanctuary when we're going to be out for more than an hour. That at least gives her a break. We're moving house in a few weeks, maybe the dynamic will change if it's new territory for both of them.

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #2 on:** February 09, 2020, 07:56:41 AM »

Oh Jezebel. Not great.

While you didn't see how it started, how (exactly) did it end?

Cats are generally highly intelligent and intuitive creatures, but express it in differing traits.

I don't think Vincent is thick, but he may well be lacking the social skills he needs to get along with Drum.

I guess it's trying to get to the bottom of his need to be so close to Drum and what drives it. Without you knowing his back story it's a tough one for you, and for him and Drum.

Sounds like you'll have to keep them separate and begin again from scratch with scent swapping, feeding either side of a closed door, site swapping etc.

jezebel · « **Reply #1 on:** February 08, 2020, 16:44:27 PM »

Six months on from this thread: https://www.purrsinourhearts.co.uk/index.php?topic=48575.msg899437#msg899437 and things are still tense.
Quick recap: We adopted six-year old Vincent last June. He's a sweet natured cat and can even be a bit of a wuss (he hides from visitors), except with our elderly tabby, Drum. He just won't leave her alone, despite her making it quite clear that she wants nothing to do with him. He pesters her, chases her up and down the stairs and tries to follow her to the litter tray.

This morning it escalated and turned into a real fight, which is what I've been dreading. I didn't see how it started but I'm guessing she hit him (growling and spitting don't make him back off) and this time he hit back.

Anyway, we've made a sanctuary for her in the spare room so she can get some peace while we're out. The rest of the time we have to keep an eye on him. It's all a bit stressful.

Someone suggested that Vincent might not have had siblings to play with and teach him boundaries, which is why all her growling and spitting and raising of paws is having no effect.

Either that or he's just really stupid! (I'm only half joking - he can't work out how to use a treat ball.)
Do you think this is possible? And is there anything we can do about it - apart from trying to find a regression therapist who works with cats.

Author Topic: Boundaries (Read 9324 times)