Thoughts on rehoming

[Sue P (Paddysmum)]

No need.      I don't think there's a single one of us who doesn't feel for you right now.  Your cats are part of you - your family.  It's why you asked the question that was most painful to ask.  It's not easy to keep everything together when you're doing it single handedly.  No wonder you feel sensitive.  I didn't mean to be flippant.   If Angus comes home safely (And I pray he does) it may be time to reflect  on what changes you may be able to make.  Do you have room in your garden or yard for a cat pen perhaps?  A she'd with a run attached may be an option for their outside access.  It's very hard to keep a cat confined indoors when they're used to outside access, and that may be an option.  If you Google "catios" you'll  find lots of ideas for safe outside access.  If rehoming was the better option, you may find it easier if you were able to have input.  With CP they welcome owner contribution to rehoming as it helps them to get the best possible home - you'll  be able to guide them as to what Angus and Dougal like and dislike, which is always an advantage.   You dont have to make any decision right now.  You're anxious and upset about Angus, you're doubting yourself and you're beating yourself up.  Things may seem a lot better in the event you can locate Angus.  I know how easy it is to crucify yourself over events you can't always control.  Have you tried posting locally to see if anyone has any news?  Contact local vets, rescues and shops to see if you could give them fliers or posters seeking news of Angus.  You can also try contacting your local council in case they've been notified of any fatalities.  The local community can be a Godsend in helping to trace missing cats.  Don't give up hope just yet.

[Turnbulll]

Thank you, I apologise for taking it to heart too I think I just had my back up before even posting. Angus stayed overnight at the vets recently and they all fell for him, I was told there were plenty offers of a home there if he ever needed one and I hadnt even mentioned any of this to them they just loved him so much and Dougal is very similar in personality so I think they'd have a welcome home there where I could check up on them too. It's all just a bit shite but will see what happens

[Sue P (Paddysmum)]

I unreservedly apologise.  It was a misjudged attempt at levity.  I do appreciate you love ALL of your family, and what they mean to you is extremely precious.  I don't doubt your integrity at all.  I understand that you wouldn't be asking the question unless you were really desperate.  I was genuine when I said my heart goes out to you, because it does.  You are trying so very hard to keep everything right for everyone.  I was serious about the rehoming, because I do think it might be the best solution for all of you but that doesn't mean I think it will be easy, or painless, because it won't.  You care, and that is what drove you to post in the first place.  If I had it in my gift, I would wish you could have the perfect solution.  Seldom is it that easy.  And I do hope that Angus will return to you safe and sound.  I've lost cats to the road and know too well how agonising it is.  Please believe me, I am on your side, because I believe you want what is best for your family

[Turnbulll]

No you're right I did want honesty but the comment about the husband is what came across judgemental, without that it would have been hard to hear as it's obviously not what I wanted but I would take it on board as that's exactly what I asked for. I appreciate you're answer I'm just a bit emotional about it all but I have to say I don't have the confidence to face a rescue or any other rehoming organisation now if I feel they'll be judging me. It's what clouds my thoughts on the whole thing. I need to find Angus first and foremost I e not given up on him yet. Will try again to get the hubby to make more effort, he's just as scared of Dougal as Dougal is of him x

[Sue P (Paddysmum)]

My intention was not to be "judgy".  You asked for honesty.  I am genuinely sad that you have chosen to treat my response as being so.  It wasn't my intention to judge.  I do believe however that it's might be better to rehome.  Or  was your question rhetorical in that you're seeking reassurance about your situation?  If So, I can't offer it with any degree of candour, which is after all what you requested.

[Turnbulll]

I suppose you'd probably think that rehoming my children would also be a better idea as they are actually the reason that I end of not giving them much attention, my husband doesn't take up my time like they do.
My dogs aren't up for consideration, they are happy to spend time with me the children and my husband. They have the downstairs back area of the house and the cats have the front downstairs and up. The reason I posted this question on a site where people are passionate about cats is that I thought the opinions would be more valid, ie taking the cats happiness into consideration and not just saying Yeh get rid as alot of other people might. That reply came across really judgy I should have known better. Ill forget the whole idea, I'll be judged whether I give them a better home or make them suffer mine so I can't win. I suppose if it was that bad with us they wouldn't have kept coming home the last 12 years.

[Sue P (Paddysmum)]

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position.  It's clear from your post that you care about your family, human and 4 pawed members.  However, it's also clear this conflict is putting you under considerable pressure and that won't be helping the situation.

My gut feeling is that rehoming your husband would be the best option, but given that's also probably not going to happen, finding stable and loving homes for the dogs and Dougal might be the most appropriate solution.  Being frank, your cats and dogs have little say about the circumstances in which they live, so you have to put their welfare and needs above your own.  That will be hard, because you do love them, but you also recognise you aren't really doing your best by them.  I would suggest getting in touch with somewhere like The Dogs Trust and your regional Cats Protection offices, explaining your situation and asking if they can help you find permanent loving homes for them, rather than trying to rehome direct yourself. 

I hope that Angus is okay and isn't seriously hurt.  It must be agony for you, especially given the time of year, and my heart goes out to you, as it sounds like you have your hands full, and a hefty dose of guilt over not being able to do everything for everyone.  I hope it works out for you all. 

[Turnbulll]

Hi all

I just wanted to ask people's honest thoughts on my situation. I have 2 cats Angus and Dougal. Angus has been missing for a week now and I fear he's been run over. I found his collar near our house with a bit of blood on it, I'm on a country lane with thorn bushes all along it, I've been out searching on numerous occasions as best I can but no sight of him. I feel so guilty for ever letting him out, he's been run over before but when I kept him in afterwards all he did was sit at the window miaowing to get out. I have 2 young kids, 3 dogs which the cats hate and I work full time so I really struggle to give them any attention which was why I let them back out. They love going out and it was all I could offer. I've considered rehoming them many times over the years, they're scared of my husband and he won't make an effort with them, so they stay away from us in the house and just aren't really part of the family. They're such lovely cats and deserve a better home life than I seem to be able to offer, I always vow to do better and fail so I don't see that changing. I've kept them in selfishness and fear of being judged, apart from the fact I do love them so I'm wondering what everyone's thoughts are about their life with us. Should I consider rehoming them? That's if Angus turns up OK. If I'd rehomed them earlier he might never have been run over at all. Should I keep Dougal inside now with Angus missing? He has more road sense at least. When he's in he doesn't leave the utility room that his bed is in, that's no life. He hisses at my husband and sometimes poops himself if hubby goes near him. What do I do? I don't actually want him to go and pray we'll find Angus. Sorry for the long post 😢