Thanks every one

Had a call from rescue officer at 9 to say they have one cabin left which they will keep for her today and tomorrow as she is priority case, and could take her in any time before 4pm as she is going to be in all day. Made me think i would be really embarresed if she is not pregnant

So got my two in and decided to go and look for her, i checked the little house and realized she has used it at some point last night the clean towel and bedding i put in was used and not so clean. Started calling and saw her coming down towards me from next door neighbour garden.
Rushed back got food and cat carrier , called the cab and asked him to come straight away. Sat next to her and straight away she got on my lap and i thought if i start giving her breakfast then i may lose the chance to get her in so i just put her in. It was easy but she started freaking out and going round in the carrier si i shed few tears covering her and kept telling her is for the best.
She went very quiet in the cab, we got to Mayhew and they said the officer had to go out to trap a cat will be back in 30 min so i send the cab away and sat there waiting, i saw one of the girls who works in the cattery she has been there for over 15 years lovely and experianced so i asked her to have a look at Cupcake and she said aww god she is so young, it would be awful if she is pregnant it probably kill her

. She looked a bit scared but not too bad so the rescue officer got back after an hour and we went to check in room.
She open the carrier and Cupcake was as goos as gold , She checked and no microchip then she said i thought she was heavily pregnant?! Thats why i consider her as priority. I never used the word heavily i did say big tummy but i also said it could be worms . So i asked is she pregnant, she said yes but early stage

Then she said so where is the ticks, no ticks i said , fleas, roches,... and i have been brushing her every night and have given her capstar. So she is not as bad. She gave me this look which made me feel really guilty as i have lied and now taking a place of a needy cat so i told her if there is a problem with space then i am happy to take her in which straight away she said ok then we have a pick and snip and will drop her to you tomorrow morning

I asked what is a pick and snip she said we have her neutered and chiped under your name and you could have her back. I told her the whole idea of asking Mayhew for help is after neuturing care, other wise i could have taken her to my own vet. I then asked if they could keep her for at least 2 nights to make sure she is ok after the op and then i can arrange some time off work to stay in with her as my cats dont like her and i dont have a spare room to keep them seperate . I also dont like the idea of having her neutered and released 24 hours later, its weekend and if any thing goes wrong what am i suppose to do? Which then she suggested ok you can take her next door to our clinic book her in under your name for next week and we have her neutered for free and you can then take her home, by this time i thought i have to think with my head and not my heart

What if i take her back and then she disappear there is no gurantee she stays around till next week and also i have to put my cats first taking her in could upset my 2 what if they refuse to come in, i know its very selfish of me thinking like this but if they liked her i would have taken her in. I thought i asked Mayhew because i consider her being young and pregnant urgent other wise i would have helped her myself like i did with the black stray in Aug which now lives with friend in Bath.
Sorry for this long post but this morning i thought by taking her in i would feel fine helping a cat and i left Mayhew in tears, not sure why feeling guilty that i have taken the cabin space which another cat could have used or crying because i felt guilty leaving her there or that she is going to have abortion and its my fault

I know this world doesnt need any more kitten but i feel awful. Any how i signed her to them and she said they have to keep her for a week by law before having her neutured incase some one comes forward, if she gives birth in next 7 days then its fine if not she will be neutured. I made a donation at reception towards her treatment and left in flood of teares. Started walking down the road and decided to go to the cemetary which is few min from Mayhew and Sally is been buried i went and sat with her and had a good cry and now am back at home

Sorry for going on and on, better go now my head in banging, i am just to sensetive when it comes to animals i shouldnt be doing this really.
