Well that was amongst my epic post before. It took about 3 weeks for ours to reach cuddling stage.
Long story short, Tinks used to belong to neighbours. He adored our gorgeous ginger Ross. As Tinks was often locked out of his house overnight during a poor winter, he would sit looking up at ours, wanting to be in. We would hear Ross pawing at the cat flap and meowing for us to let us know his pal was outside and needed to be in (we used to keep Ross in at night during the winter as he wasn't a year old himself). We'd get up, unlock everything, put the alarm off, bring Tinks in and then lock up again and go back to bed - often at 2 or 3 in the morning.
Tinks and Ross were about two months apart in age.
As a consequence Tinks really wanted to move in with us, but we used to keep toting him "home" with monotonous regularity and with a heavy heart, but as soon as he was allowed out again, he'd make a beeline for our house, and Ross, his cuddle partner.
When Ross was killed, we were devastated. He was the second cat we'd lost in the space of 18 months - both to road traffic accidents.
We hurtled into adopting Moray. I had huge misgivings at the time, but we were all pining for Ross, and for my husband's peace of mind, we gave it a whirl. We got Moray from a rescue - he'd been abandoned with his sister in an empty flat, no food or water for 5 days before he was handed over by the former occupant's parents.
When we brought him home, Tinks was horrified. He ran away and hid. He spent loads of time outside, and although he didnt hiss or growl much at Moray, he was clearly upset. he wouldnt let us touch him, and he would quite deliberately turn his back on us when he caught our eye. Face it, in his world, he'd lost his best buddy, things were weird, and then this - this thing came home with us!
When I came home from work at the end of the second day it was to find my husband distraught at the front door, telling me that Moray would have to go back to the rescue, and he wasnt going to risk Tinks leaving us . I was absolutely gutted - having been unsure about rushing into an adoption anyway, I'd gone with it, and now felt that we were treating Moray like a parcel - "return to sender." Now, I should just say that my OH and I have been together 30+ years, and have previously ended up taking in animals that had problems, that had been "given up on" - mainly dogs with confidence issues. We'd never given up on one, and I didnt relish the prospect of starting then.
Well, we sat down, and after a huge battle of wills, I persuaded (shamed? bullied?) my OH to let me try things my way, and so "Moray's den" was set up, and we took things at a slower pace with Tinks being given the run of the house, and Moray being confined to barracks save for supervised play sessions.
After a few days, and in spite of himself, Tinks found his curiousity getting the better of him. And of course, he'd made his choice months before. He liked living with us. Yes, Ross was gone, but all in all, he still liked living with us. And he wasnt gonna let some usurper interfere with this rather cushy little gaffe he'd got.
Thankfully his former owners were very kind, and knowing we'd lost Ross - and I guess acknowledging they'd already really "lost" Tinks, said we could formally adopt him from them. (They now have two new cats, who are delightful, and who are happy with their little girl, whereas Tinks has always hated being picked up, which we think was mainly the difficulty - that and the fact he couldnt get shelter during the night)
I wont deny in that first week I wept buckets, but am so grateful that my husband eventually gave in and let me give things a try my way. The days that followed weren't always smooth, and weren't always easy, but by reassuring Tinks that he was still Number 1 Big Boss Cat and that Moray was actually quite a good egg given half a chance - had a bad start in life and needed a buddy
he gradually came round.
I remain incredibly grateful to all of the support, help and advice I received, not least of which from Pav - who had undergone a similar thing herself not that long before we ended up in the same position, and Liz (who persuaded me to "man up") and Sheila, Rosella, Gill and Susanne who were there for me through my less confident moments. So many lovely people besides those I've mentioned, who encouraged me, put up with me and made me smile through the tears and the hard stuff.
It might not be easy is what I'm trying to say (I cried buckets!) but try not to pre-judge the outcome, and try not to hurry things, keen though you'll be to have them integrate.
The time will come, and when it does, you'll feel sooooo happy. It may come sooner, it may come later, but it will come, I'm sure of it.
Ms Purrfect - think there could be a fight on your hands there!
