Topic: Too soon after losing Sam? (Read 4103 times)

Susanne (urbantigers) · « **Reply #20 on:** April 21, 2012, 10:14:53 AM »

When you feel it's the right time, that's when it is the right time. You'll know in your heart of hearts if/when adopting a new baby is the right thing. It's hard to say whether Tipsy will accept a new cat. Often when cats lose a companion they quite like being the only cat. But she will grieve for a while. When I lost Jaffa's brother, Magpie, over 6 years ago Jaffa became very clingy. They weren't even all that close but poor Jaffa didn't know whether he was coming or going and it took him several months to get back to normal. He didn't have long like that though as Mosi then came along and shattered his peaceful world

Tiggy's Mum · « **Reply #19 on:** April 19, 2012, 17:37:48 PM »

I think whatever decision you make one will be the right one... because you made it and you can only go on your gut feeling of whether the time is right. When the time comes you can describe Tipsy's personality to the rescue and they will do their best to find the perfect match

That said, roughly how old are your children? If old enough I wonder if they are going to make you change your mind with the constant 'I want to adopt the cat we saw at the shelter' broken record

Quote from: Dawn F on April 19, 2012, 16:25:23 PM

don't feel bad, I'd shut mine downstairs if they were a pain without a thought!

Ditto! If only Riley didn't scratch the carpets when he's shut behind a closed door...

Dawn F · « **Reply #18 on:** April 19, 2012, 16:25:23 PM »

don't feel bad, I'd shut mine downstairs if they were a pain without a thought!

jogym · « **Reply #17 on:** April 19, 2012, 16:19:48 PM »

Ah ok if that was my case I probably would have done the same then but having to get myself and 2 kiddos up at 7 and not being a v good sleeper as it is: tired: my bed was calling me...Tipsy nevertheless understands the procedure after 16 years! i'm sure she will forgive me this once

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #16 on:** April 19, 2012, 15:39:38 PM »

Quote from: jogym on April 19, 2012, 15:12:17 PM

Sorry Gill I shut her downstairs (she does not always get to stay the night in our room so is used to being downstairs at night with doors closed) and went back to bed because after half an hour she didn't want any of the things I was offering her - I don't know what I was supposed to do? What would you have done?

I am very soft and am retired so would have probably just stayed with her and followed every whim she had

jogym · « **Reply #15 on:** April 19, 2012, 15:17:02 PM »

I am going to wait - I need to get Tipsy back to her old self (if that ever will happen) before introducing a new friend. Thanks for everyone's advice.

jogym · « **Reply #14 on:** April 19, 2012, 15:12:17 PM »

Sorry Gill I shut her downstairs (she does not always get to stay the night in our room so is used to being downstairs at night with doors closed) and went back to bed because after half an hour she didn't want any of the things I was offering her - I don't know what I was supposed to do? What would you have done?

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #13 on:** April 19, 2012, 14:58:29 PM »

She will sit on our lap for strokes come up to our beds etc. and she has got more affectionate but since Sam has gone she is a bit of pain lately I have to say she constantly miaows which she never really done before. The other morning she woke me at 4.00. I went downstairs, fed her, opened the door but she turned the other way. I thought o.k she wants upstairs again but no didn't want that either when called. I ended up closing her in the living room as she was going to wake everyone until we all got up. Is this just attention seeking behaviour. Is this a sign she is lonely? I don't know.

You said that below and I know its a pain especially in the middle of the night but thats when she was feeling bad, lost and lonely and so sad but you shut her away. Yes she probably was attention seeking but also looking for her old friend.

You need to be so patient with her and I have no idea whether a new friend will help her at the moment and if you take on a new cat you need to have an agreement with the rescue that it can go back if it doesnt work out with Tipsey cos she must be the one you look after right now.

It maybe the best thing in the world for her but also maybe the opposite and after all she is also a tortie with full tortitude.

jogym · « **Reply #12 on:** April 19, 2012, 13:59:23 PM »

Oh she does get loads of love and attention...she is part of our family....Will a new companion help ease her pain?

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #11 on:** April 19, 2012, 13:03:26 PM »

Tipsy is grieving the loss of Sam and cats grieve just like humans.

She needs loads of love and attention and hopefully it will pass fairly quickly but sometimes it can go on for a long time.

jogym · « **Reply #10 on:** April 19, 2012, 12:39:18 PM »

Well myself and 2 daughters visited cat shelter Tuesday. It was first time we have been to an animal shelter. I felt glad that we went. My daughters were ahhing after many of them. The guy that showed us around opened a few and we were able to hold/stroke some. We have a problem - Tipsy being a tortie can be feisty but she has mellowed in her old age. She will sit on our lap for strokes come up to our beds etc. and she has got more affectionate but since Sam has gone she is a bit of pain lately I have to say she constantly miaows which she never really done before. The other morning she woke me at 4.00. I went downstairs, fed her, opened the door but she turned the other way. I thought o.k she wants upstairs again but no didn't want that either when called. I ended up closing her in the living room as she was going to wake everyone until we all got up. Is this just attention seeking behaviour. Is this a sign she is lonely? I don't know.

Anyways back to the cat shelter. There were a lot of black cats needing homes (Sam was black) one there for a while called Robert who the man said not to rule out (as I explained the Sam situation). There was also a beauty tortie called Heather who has been there since last July and they are desperate to rehome her. Is she too similar to Tipsy? When I asked why he thinks that is he said she doesn't like her back and tail stroked and will give you a swipe. Also there a gentle wee darling called Peaches a wee ginger who was neglected and had to have her coat shaved so she was all bald patches and matted tail - bless. When we held her she didn't move a muscle just a pitiful looking wee sweetheart. She has to have a special diet and had problem with her back (would she be too much to take on)?

Sam was laid back, gentle wee man. He was never in a hurry and just took his time bless him. Do I get one similar to what he was or do I get one similar to Tipsy. This might be too much for her but at the same time she might see that they can give as good as her. If I get a gentle one then would she bully it?

We are due our home visit next week - fingers crossed all will be o.k.

Sorry - I tend to over analyse things sometimes instead of just not thinking too much about it and just going with whatever and seeing how it goes.

Teresa Pawcats · « **Reply #9 on:** April 16, 2012, 18:08:10 PM »

Quote from: Tiggy's Mum on April 16, 2012, 17:37:43 PM

To answer your question you are not in any way being disloyal to Sam Adopting another cat, whether now or in 10 years time, wouldn't change the fact that you love and miss him - nothing will It just means that you have room in your heart to change the life of another cat and still love your special boy

I personally adopted very soon after losing my beloved childhood cat, in fact I had chosen my boys a week after I lost her although I had to wait agonising weeks before I bought them home. I was worried that I might not be able to love them like I loved her and that I would resent them for not being her or for simply being here only becase she was gone but I really needn't have worried - I fell head over heels within hours and they bought some much needed sunshine back into my life

As to whether Tipsy would take to another cat only time would tell, there are no guarantees with anything in life

Wonderful,compassionate reply Helen,so many of us know exactly what you mean.

Tiggy's Mum · « **Reply #8 on:** April 16, 2012, 17:37:43 PM »

To answer your question you are not in any way being disloyal to Sam

Adopting another cat, whether now or in 10 years time, wouldn't change the fact that you love and miss him - nothing will

It just means that you have room in your heart to change the life of another cat and still love your special boy

I personally adopted very soon after losing my beloved childhood cat, in fact I had chosen my boys a week after I lost her although I had to wait agonising weeks before I bought them home. I was worried that I might not be able to love them like I loved her and that I would resent them for not being her or for simply being here only becase she was gone but I really needn't have worried - I fell head over heels within hours and they bought some much needed sunshine back into my life

As to whether Tipsy would take to another cat only time would tell, there are no guarantees with anything in life

jogym · « **Reply #7 on:** April 16, 2012, 12:30:42 PM »

Thanks LouiseJ. I think I have concern for Tipsy atm. After 2 weeks of coming and going as she pleases we are all back to work/school and she is back to being on her own. She wasn't happy this morning...miaowed loudly when I was leaving pacing about...but I would much rather she be indoors than outside for 8 hours. My problem is getting a cat and maybe having to take it back....I couldn't face that

LouiseJ · « **Reply #6 on:** April 16, 2012, 08:00:11 AM »

If it's any help, we rehomed two six month old sisters on Saturday and it has only been five weeks since losing my beloved Chelsea.
I initially felt it would be really disloyal but the house was so empty (plus I had a session with an animal communicator) but they aren't replacing her and I purposely steered clear of tabbies.
You just have to do what is right for you but going to a rescue centre for a look will help let you know if its the right time for you yet.
Good luck

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #5 on:** April 15, 2012, 23:44:03 PM »

loads of good luck

jogym · « **Reply #4 on:** April 15, 2012, 23:37:38 PM »

Suppose it is just one of those things I can't find out until I try..I am going to have a look and see how I feel. Wish me luck

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #3 on:** April 15, 2012, 23:29:24 PM »

Cant really add anything to what Rosella has said but I had to rehome another cat, well two in my case after Kocka went to the Bridge and it happened in a week.

A good resacue hopefully would take back any cat if it didnt work

Rosella moggy · « **Reply #2 on:** April 15, 2012, 22:58:06 PM »

Our Tommie had to put up with our bruiser Gandolf for 15 years until Gandie left us in April 2006. We were devastated and the house felt so very empty with only Tommie here. He was never much a cuddlebum altho a lovely lovely boy. Anyway, we very selfishly took in Billy Whiz and Aslan. I never tried to fool myself they were coming to provide Tom with company as we were pretty sure, he was pretty happy

Have to say we felt a bit guilty but their arrival gave Tom a new lease of life. I don't recall him ever hunting in his life and was stunned to see him appear through the catflap a few months after their arrival with a mouse in his mouth! I imagine he just found it already dead, but ..... way to go boy

You'll never know how Tipsy will react to a newbie unless you give it a go

If you rehome from a reputable rescue, they can help you choose a suitable pal for her and take the cat back if it doesn't work out. She is unlikely to initially welcome any newbie with open paws though

No of course you are not being disloyal to Sam by wanting another cat in your life. How long you leave it is up to you as we are all different

I find a newbie provides much needed distraction if I lose a loved furry and tend to rehome very quickly..... Have only once rehomed a lookielikey ...........

jogym · « **Reply #1 on:** April 15, 2012, 22:08:43 PM »

It is nearly 2 months since losing our wee man Sam - I miss him terribly, still getting flashes of black here and there and thinking its him. Our other cat Tipsy seems o.k but I have got it into my head that she is lonely and needs a companion. Since Sam left us she loves her strokes/cuddles but in the morning time she miaows very loudly and wakes everyone up lol we call her and she comes for lots of attention. We went away at Easter and had to leave her for 4 days, my dad came up morning and night, fed her and sat with her for a while but I know she was lonely and I was so worried about her and couldn't wait to see her when we got home...I don't want her last years to be just her - I don't know how she would take another cat...her and Sam never really got on but they were able to be in the same room as each other, sit on a sofa/bed together (v occasionally) they only stayed together in the living room on either sofa but never upstairs together in the same room. She would give him the odd growl and hiss and a wee scuffle here and there but never hurt him. It was more a warning. Anyway I have been thinking of giving another cat a lovely home...not sure how Tipsy would react though. Being 16 I don't want to make her ill or cause her any stress. Is it too soon...am I only wanting to do this cause I miss him so much? What if it didn't work out...she objected or went off her food etc. What if I got another cat and didn't feel the same way about it...didn't bond with it.

How long did you all wait when your special friend left before you got another? How did it feel? Did you have an older cat who maybe didn't like it or took a while to adjust?

Am I being disloyal to Sam...love and miss you every single day...

Author Topic: Too soon after losing Sam? (Read 4103 times)