Ollie almost two weeks

[Liz]

Ours are all on shelves in our bedroom cats and dogs and 2 goldfish all are in urns or lovely wooden boxes, each one has a tag with their names and date inscribed on it

I like to keep them all close and do talk to them on the shelf and find solace in that

I also have a wall in my study and each one is in a photo on the wall wether they are at the Rainbow bridge or missing and I can see them every day and talk to them should the need arise

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Napoleon is on a shelf in the bookcase where he can see everything and I can see him 

[den22]

 Thinking of you 




Denise
Xxx

[sheilarose]

I stir at night with a weight on my hip - reach down and expect to rub Jarvis's broad head, as I can feel his weight there.

It's not him, there's no-one there, Jarv has been gone these five years, but I still feel him close to me in my sleep.

I too believe in the ongoing presence of our loved ones and this fills me with hope for the time yet to come.

I never had the strength to bring his remains home and I regret this terribly.

I wish you the strength that I never had, to find a place where Ollie will have you closeby and you, she. 

[TeresaM]

Ollie came home yesterday and I knew it would start me off as things are still so raw. My daughter came in with me which was just as well as  I could not even speak for crying. It is so hard isnt it, you go to collect your lovely soft cuddly cat and they hand you a box. She is in the sitting room at the moment and although it is some comfort to have her home I cant even bring myself to open that box yet. I had a dream a couple of nights ago and I was in some sort of barn, our rabbit George was asleep in a bed of hay, we had to have him PTS a few years ago, and when I looked passed him there was Ollie curled up asleep on another bed of hay. In the dream I thought to myself, Ollie will love this she will be able to come in whenever it is cold, then I thought oh no it is too late she is gone. But when i woke in the morning I felt she had been with me again, and every morning since I wake feeling like she has been close by. I dont know what I truly believe but I hope it is her presence. I do find it hard and I cry a lot
still but I guess that just shows how much she was loved.

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

I think most of us identfy with all that is written on this thread and Napoleons passing is still far too raw and went through all the same thoughts and I miss him so much 

[Susanne (urbantigers)]

I have a tear in my eye too    I  hope it helps writing it down - certainly most of us on here understand as we have been through the very same thing.  Letting them go is the hardest thing to do and living without them is agony.  I still miss my precious little Magpie who went to the bridge nearly 6 years ago.  I didn't have to make the decision then as it was taken out of my hands - it all happened very quickly and he died at the vets.  I dread the day I have to let his brother Jaffa go - hopefully not for  many years but I am painfully aware that Jaffa is showing his age (he is 14), is on the verge of crf and is getting a little stiff in the joints.  I know that one day I will have to let him go and just the thought of it throws me into a panic.  I push it to the back of my mind but losing Magpie reminded me painfully that they don't live forever and that one day I will have to go through it all again.   Purrs is so great because we all understand and that's really helpful when so many other people in our lives don't understand how much we love our furries  and how devastating it is when we lose them.

[Jiskefet]

Of course you can tell it all, here. No-one will think it strange, we have been therwe, we know what you are going through.....

I read your 'ramblings' with tears running down my face.
I can relate to every single word, the pain, the relief, the guilt.
It reminded me of when I took my beloved Tuppence to the vet to cure her, and I had to decide there and then to let her go. Her poor heart couldn't cope any more, and she was tired and struggling, and tired of struggling.
She had given up, she wanted to rest, only to rest, and I accepted her decision, as I felt it wasn't mine to make, I had to follow her lead.
When she got the first shot, the one to make her sleep, I felt her sigh deeply and relax in my arms, and just before she fell asleep, she started purring........ I took it to mean 'thank you'

But afterwards I started wondering if I had misread her, if I had killed her.....
Till she came to me in a dream, and she showed me how young and healthy she was at the rainbow bridge, and how happily she'd wait for me.
I missed her so much......, I loved her so much....... I will always love her.

It is such a devastating, overwhelming, heartwrenching experience.

[alisonandarchie]

 

[den22]

Hi sweetie just read your post it bought a tear to my eye reading this as I totally understand how you are feeling right now I'm glad that you are writing how you feel down but  please don't feel that you are rambling this is a hard time your going through and thats what we are here for to help one-another through these hard times many of us that have had to go through this often feel the same way had I done the right thing? should I have waited a little longer ? all the what if's.....  It's totally natural thinking 
After my Butch was pts I thought that I would never get over it But I have managed even in the darkest times to try to find possitivity out of bad situations I like to think that All furrys great and small are each assigned a task by the higher power at the bridge,  There are many babies and children that pass and have no one waiting for them on the other side and thats where are fur pals come to the rescue, for each child that passes one of our fur babes leaves us and is sent to a chid as a companion to look after and love them and sit on their laps the way they did with us then when the time comes and that child is reunited with their loved ones our fur babes are given back to us  and then we meet at the foot of the bridge to start a new journey together I like to belive this is true as I know that my Butch would be a great companion to a child and from what you have told us about Ollie she would make some little child out there very happy too   

There are many people out there that suffer with life limiting illneses and would give anything for someone to come along and offer them a peacefull way out and altough it broke my heart I now look back and feel glad that I was able to end any pain and suffering that he was going through and he was allowed to pass peacefully in my arms, The person who loved him most 

Sending you hugs 

Denise
Xxxx

[Tiggy's Mum]

 

So many familiar emotions there   

It may not be everybodies thing but I contacted an animal communicator after I lost my childhood cat Tiggy, maybe I had lost my mind in the throes of grief as I'm not normally into stuff like that and am usually quite a rational person and certainly not naive but I am convinced that she made contact with her. Whether she did or not (and to this day, now devoid of that overwhelming grief I still believe that she did made contact) it bought me great comfort at the time.

[sheilarose]

Teresa, there is no real choice, only awful responsibility. This is the price we must pay for the years of happiness they bring. When we accept this responsibility, we lose the element of choice.

I am so sad for you, but proud of you because you were big enough to let her go when she asked you to.

In time Ollie's name will not hurt so much, and you will smile at your memories of her instead of crying.

Meanwhile, if writing down your emotions here has helped, try this. Make yourself a small photo/keepsake album of her and keep it close. Even if you don't look at the pictures and items, just having a bundle of tangible memories closeby can soothe your pain, help you to cope with the loss and, in time, move on.

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

I think it helps to write things down and helps the mind to reorder thoughts . I understand how you feel and I think its lovely that Ollie visited you 

[TeresaM]

Almost two weeks since I had to have my beautiful girl PTS. Someone suggested I put my feeling down as it would help so I hope you dont mind me sharing them with you, it hellps to know others understand. I have been through a whole range of emotions since the first vet told me 'If she was mine I would let her go'. I couldn't do it that day so took her home and went back the next day to see my normal vet who told me the same thing. I knew he was right but wasn't ready so again I took her home. I took it a day at a time, hoping she would suddenly perk up. We had four more days together. On the Wednesday she even asked to go out and I went with her. She walked around her favourite tree and sniffed it then walked to her post for a scratch. She stayed close by me and came back everytime I called. My husband thinks it was her saying goodbye. She even ate well that day, but it did make her vomit. We had been sleeping on the bed together and that night she came and laid with me for a cuddle. The next day she managed to eat very little and didnt want anyone to touch her except me. I looked in her eyes and knew, I told her I understood she had had enough and that I loved her and that it was ok if it was time for her to go. I phoned the vet and he came to my house a few hours later. I just spent those last few hours laying close to her. It was all very quick and my when she had gone I hugged her and cried but I felt an over whelming calm, I knew her suffering had ended. I knew I had done the right thing for her. But over the next few days I just felt physically sick everytime I thought about it, the guilt was awful. I felt ashamed that I had allowed someone to take her precious life, me the one she loved and trusted. I would sit up most of the night just reading online stories. Stories where people had let their cats go too far and they had suffered, people who felt they had let theirs go too soon. I was looking for comfort someone to make me see I had done it for Ollie. Then a couple of nights ago for some reason I felt I had to put Ollie's bed out for her, she had always slept curled up in it beside me. When I woke up the next morning I told my daughter I felt like Ollie had been with me in the night, I didn't remember anything, just this feeling that she had been there. Later when I was cleaning up I found two clumps of Ollie's fur, one on the stall beside her bed and some on the floor, just where I would have found them when she was still here. They could have fallen from her bed but I like to think she came to me because she knew I needed her. Since then, although I still cry and feel so sad I have realised I should not feel guilty, I made the selfless choice based on her needs not mine. I started to remember things my vet had said. I hadnt refused to give her more treatment he had advised against it as he felt it would not make any difference, I could have insisted but I loved her enough to listen to what he was trying to say. I know that I will always be sad that I had to make that choice but really there was no choice was there? Right now life is just so out of synch without her because she was my little shadow but I know it will get better and I would rather have this pain then to never have shared the time I had with Ollie. Sorry to have rambled on but it has helped and I hope anyone reading this who has been or is now in the position will understand the guilt will come it is part of grief but you dont need to feel guilty as you have given your fur baby the greatest gift of love ... peace xx