Topic: It seems we've finally lost our war to make the cat ours... (Read 6818 times)

Hippykitty · « **Reply #25 on:** April 18, 2007, 15:01:48 PM »

I'm sorry to be a dissenting voice here, but I still think it's possible to encourage Preet to see your home as his base, return to you at night and for food, but be allowed outdoors to play and occasionally visit someone.

I think that the ways to do it are:

Keep him in for a month. You only kept him in for 2 weeks, this isn't long enough to bond a new cat to you. It was long enough for him to recover from the operation, but not to tell him you are mum and dad.

Talk to your neighbours. I have a neighbour who used to feed my cats, I had to have several talks to her to stop this. They were disappearing, not eating when home (so I worried whether they were ill, or had been fed already).

The reason why I think it would be good for him to be more domesticated is that it will be easier for you to spot when things aren't right with him. If too many people feed him, how will you know he's off his food. How will you know that he isn't being double treated for worms or fleas? This could be dangerous.
He may, in the future, require pills which have to be given at certain times (like antibiotics), how will you be able to find him at the right time?

Many people on this site prefer cats to be kept in at night to prevent car accidents. How can you do this?

I see your point about him being a free spirit, but I don't think it's in his best interests long-term. While he's well, young, and healthy, this probably won't be too much of a problem. But what about when he gets ill, or older?

I'm just throwing into the discussion the way that I see this situation and what I would do.

Love to Preet

samandred · « **Reply #24 on:** April 18, 2007, 08:42:17 AM »

I think the essence is that I am not expecting it to change, or hoping. I shall just let him do as he pleases... a philosophy I have lived my whole life by that did change for a moment when this beautiful guy entered our lives...

and, yes, I shall start a new thread as the gallery for photos does not have any room for movies...

Desley (booktigger) · « **Reply #23 on:** April 18, 2007, 08:03:54 AM »

Yes, I do miss Ginger a lot. I am glad that we seem to be of some help for you, i am sure you will do the best thing by him, and at least if he wanders, he is done. Admittedly Ginger was gone longer in the summer than in the winter too, so it could change again when the weather turns.

JackSpratt · « **Reply #22 on:** April 18, 2007, 00:14:12 AM »

Quote from: samandred on April 17, 2007, 23:58:07 PM

By the way, do you think it is worth posting the movie on a new thread and get other people to post their little movies? Or might that be seen as showing off too much...?

Not at all! I think there's a photos section for things like that.

Amy · « **Reply #21 on:** April 18, 2007, 00:07:26 AM »

I think it would be lovely for everyone to have chance of seeing the handsome lad!

samandred · « **Reply #20 on:** April 17, 2007, 23:58:07 PM »

Thanks Jack and Amy...

Debbie, your story is very re-assuring. The most important thing to happen here is tht I hve realised that he is not my 'thing'. He is his own little self and, like any friend, I shall trust him. There have been many of you saying basically the same thing...

'Yes, it's hard but the right ethical choice' which admittidly is possibly the dryest way I could have gotten my point across...

By the way, do you think it is worth posting the movie on a new thread and get other people to post their little movies? Or might that be seen as showing off too much...?

JackSpratt · « **Reply #19 on:** April 17, 2007, 23:33:19 PM »

I love the movie about Proot.

I also thoroughly admire the fact you care more about how Proot feels than "ownership" of him.

Amy · « **Reply #18 on:** April 17, 2007, 22:40:46 PM »

He is gorgeous and you obviously love him very much..

I can understand it must be really hard letting him go but if this is what he is used to then i think it would be unfair to keep in at all times..

I think you are doing the right thing even though its hard.

Debbie · « **Reply #17 on:** April 17, 2007, 22:34:58 PM »

Hello Samandred

I just wanted to add to your thread. I have had my little Sam for almost 6 months now after adopting him as an 'indoor' cat. Well I was quite prepared to leave him indoors if he wanted but he showed signs of wanting to venture outside. As I got him in the middle of winter he wasnt overly keen on being out for long periods.

Now spring and the warm weather is here it is a different matter! He has recently spent a whole 24 hours outdoors and involved me going into the woods looking for him to no avail. He eventually returned of his own accord when (extremely) hungry and has repeated this again since. Although I have had cats previously, I too was concerned and thought I had lost him forever

but he just seems to like the outdoors. He is neutered and microchipped but I have also recently bought him a safety collar so people will know he is not a stray if he goes walkabout again.

My neighbours cat is forever outside and if I leave a door open she is in my house without hesitation eating Sam's food. I have learned she does this in any house she can get into. I guess some cats like to roam and have their independance whereas some are happy to be a lapcat.

forever_missing_my_boys(Lisa) · « **Reply #16 on:** April 17, 2007, 21:33:33 PM »

video is fab
he is so gorgeous and looks so well cared for

samandred · « **Reply #15 on:** April 17, 2007, 21:03:01 PM »

In fact, here is that short video I said I had made about Preet, with help from movie composer John Powell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCi5_LcMPJA

samandred · « **Reply #14 on:** April 17, 2007, 21:01:05 PM »

Aagin, that is exactly what we need to hear. Yes, it seems that the weather may be a factor but we are happy to widen our understanding and realise that there is nothing to fear and it's just the way things are and it's not like we failed to be there for him.

In truth, all of you have stopped me worrying and wondering if he'll be OK.

Thank you all, from both of us (my wife and I)... in fact from all three of us

Millys Mum · « **Reply #13 on:** April 17, 2007, 20:46:00 PM »

You say he started off hanging around your home and then recently started wandering again, has this coinsided with the good weather in your area? My Lola is away alot more now the weather has improved, although never far.
I reckon come winter he will be more than happy to be a home cat, will use you like a hotel until he ages and loses the urge to wander

If not then at least you have done the absolutely best by him, and he will always have a caring person when he is in real need

samandred · « **Reply #12 on:** April 17, 2007, 20:13:13 PM »

...and I bet you miss him. He sounds pretty cool...

Desley (booktigger) · « **Reply #11 on:** April 17, 2007, 19:39:00 PM »

You are doing fine - my third cat was one I picked up off the streets, he had been a stray for 3 years, and he had survived by being friendly, sociable and getting people to give him fuss, food, warmth etc, and I had him for 4 years, and even the day he died, he had his breakfast here then wandered next door, as was his habit, i never ever stopped him from his wandering acts - he had to have a name tag on his collar because he had been found in various neighbours houses!! His main one was my next door neighbours house though, i used to have to collect him at least once a day, sometimes twice or even three times a day. he was here more than Preet, but that could have something to do with the fact I kept him in for 6 weeks, then spent another 4-6 weeks draggin him from under cars to be in the house every night - even then, he averaged at least one night out every 2 weeks or so in the summer, he knew just how to avoid me grabbing him!! He was actually the best cat I have ever had.

samandred · « **Reply #10 on:** April 17, 2007, 19:11:49 PM »

Your advice has been really helpful to us... mostly in that you have reinforced our instincts and made us feel that we are on a decent course and that we need not grasp at rediculous actions to preserve our bond with him. Our instinct is indeed to let him be free as we woukd want for ourselves...

The books are great... going off titles, Cat Confidential has a contemporary urban edge I might check out.

On the photo note, I have just begun to learn to edit films and made my first ever film one about him. I think I shall post the link to UTube on this forum and the threads I have visited...

JackSpratt · « **Reply #9 on:** April 17, 2007, 18:15:50 PM »

Cats are very independant creatures. It sounds like you care for Preet a great deal and that's wonderful. He'll care for you in his own way.

What you have to remember is he's always liked being sociable with other families. If this was his behaviour when you got him, why make him alter it? As long as you're prepared to "time share" Preet and maintain regular contact with the other people who care for him (so noone gets concerned when he doesn't kip at theirs!) I think he should be left to his own devices.

He sounds tremendous. Do you have any pictures of him?

Gillian Harvey · « **Reply #8 on:** April 17, 2007, 18:13:33 PM »

Quote from: samandred on April 17, 2007, 17:37:02 PM

Hi. This is samandred's wife.

Is the only cat that stays with you the indoor cat? or does it depend on the individual cat's personality? or is there a gender difference even? Any advice would be great - or if you can recommend somewhere we can get information about these sorts of thing in a book or online...

Hello both!

I don't really know the full history of Preet, but if he has always been used to being an outdoor, free roaming cat, it would be hard to change him now, and probably not fair on him either. Its lovely though that you got him neutered and obviously want to care for him, but as you rightly say how a cat behaves depends on the individual cat's personality and to an extent, the previous lifestyle. Its not the case that the only cat that stays with you is an indoor cat, but anyway, I'm sure you woudnt want to enforce an indoor lifestyle on him if he wasnt happy.

Just wondering though if you can enclose your garden safely, so that he has the run of the garden but no further? - perhaps he would adjust to something like that? If the garden's a decent size that may be enough to satisfy and outdoorsy sort of cat - but then again, it may not - just a thought.

There are lots of books on cat behaviour, and we've probably all got our favourties! but I think all of the Vicky Halls books are great, including Cat Confidential, I also like Bruce Fogle's The Cats Mind, and Peter Neville's Cat Behavior Explained. THere is one called The Domestic Cat, the Biology of its Behaviour, which is also brilliant and looks at early learning, individuality and the relationship with people - its a bit heavy on the referencing in the text, but if you can work through that, its definitely worth it.

samandred · « **Reply #7 on:** April 17, 2007, 17:37:02 PM »

Hi. This is samandred's wife. I've just read your most recent reply and I wanted to tell you that it really was helpful to getting me in the right frame of mind about Preet. We are real novices when it comes to cat behavour. We don't really know what is normal & what is not, what to expect and what is just us projecting human behaviour onto him. Your comment made me think differently about what Preet is doing. If you, or anyone else reading this, could help more... The thing is, it always seemed to me that other people have loving cats that are "theirs" for the cat's life. Loving them and wanting to be around them (even if they have their own thoughts and motivations, need their own space and go off for hours at a time if they are outside cats). On the other hand though, we wouldn't have a word in the English language called "stray" if cats didn't go off to other people a lot, I spose. Is the only cat that stays with you the indoor cat? or does it depend on the individual cat's personality? or is there a gender difference even? Any advice would be great - or if you can recommend somewhere we can get information about these sorts of thing in a book or online...

thank you again

forever_missing_my_boys(Lisa) · « **Reply #6 on:** April 17, 2007, 17:21:40 PM »

Quote from: samandred on April 17, 2007, 17:15:45 PM

...oh and by the way forever, I hope your baby is OK. I can see why you were so concerned...

I did not read everyone's advice but I agree that taking the cat to the vets today is best (though it may well be a bit late now)

thank u
i took her yesterday tea time and the vet gave her an injection ,she also has some tablets to take ,she is fine in herself and is on my desk now as i type lol

forever_missing_my_boys(Lisa) · « **Reply #5 on:** April 17, 2007, 17:19:49 PM »

if it were me id see it like this ,
he will always be ur cat u love him and care about him and have made sure he has been neutered and wormed n deflead etc etc and u will always give him his meals and he has a warm bed at ur house (his home ) just see it as like he is a teenager who is always staying round friends houses always out n about but he can return home to u whenever he wants
as long as he is healthy and happy and enjoying life then u know u have done everything for him and u will continue to do so .

samandred · « **Reply #4 on:** April 17, 2007, 17:15:45 PM »

...oh and by the way forever, I hope your baby is OK. I can see why you were so concerned...

I did not read everyone's advice but I agree that taking the cat to the vets today is best (though it may well be a bit late now)

samandred · « **Reply #3 on:** April 17, 2007, 17:12:36 PM »

I agree...

They seem OK and he seems in good shape. What I guess I am saying is that if he gets worse, we'll still look out for him.

forever_missing_my_boys(Lisa) · « **Reply #2 on:** April 17, 2007, 17:06:12 PM »

awwwwww im sorry to hear all this
but unless he is kept as as indoor cat there theres not a lot u can do to stop him going where he wants when he wants ,
r the people he is visting decent kind cat lovers ???if so then id not worry too much as long as he is safe and happy thats all that matters .

samandred · « **Reply #1 on:** April 17, 2007, 16:57:31 PM »

Hi...

I have come to this oh so busy and informative forum a few times for a little black and white fella named 'Preet'. Going with your advice and the advice of close friends, we indeed kept him in for two weeks after neutering him, we tried our best to give him a home of attentive play, peace when he wanted it, great food and open doors so he could come and go as he pleased...

He was always an outdoors visitor of many other neighbours but after we kept him in, there were two weeks where we really thought he had adopted us as his real home as he would visit others and go out but he'd always come home, sleep here and, well, be here. But more recently, he seems to have succumbed to the call of these others and we only see him for a couple of visits to feed nowadays.

So we are thinking... Do we just accept that's the way he is and provide his care when he needs it or do we do something else to fight to keep him?

A complicating factor has been that there are neighbours who have been less than honest with us and kept him in and I'd be all for running around there kicking their doors in but he goes back to them again and again and surely if he hated it, he'd not go.

So, we plan to have words and ask those few we know of to keep their distance but then there are those we know nothing of...

Are we going to have to just accept that he loves their company and face up to the fact that he is really his own cat or is there something we can do? He may be chipped and in our names but what right do we have to make him be somewhere when he prefers to be elsewhere (remember we tried that and it worked for a short while)...

Thoughts, comments?

Author Topic: It seems we've finally lost our war to make the cat ours... (Read 6818 times)