Thanks everyone, I was incredibly stressed and feeling really down about it all yesterday. Arthur has had a steroid jab to calm his ear down, Canaural twice a day and Antirobe once a day, and a dental booked for Fri - I have to get my vets to fax over the bloods in advance. They were also doing free dip sticks to test for diabetes, so picked on of those up to try with him today.
I went and bought another 5 kinds of food for Sam, he turned his nose up at the first two, so I checked his mouth and it is quite red, even the front bits that aren't normally an issue, so chucked some Metacam into his mouth, then made some food quite soupy and added biscuits on the top, so he did eat a fair bit of it, and I have been measuring out his dry and he ate another 30g on top of his wet/dry mix, so feeling a bit happier about him. This will be the first time we have seen the new vet, and she is only with us till Christmas, so not sure whether she will do anything more, or whether it will all change in the new year with the new vet, and still trying to work out how to give him ab's as he isn't drinking cat milk at the moment.
Zi's the least worrying at the moment fortunately!!