Could well be turf wars. Or not. No help.....
My Winston gets fed wherever he will eat. He will absolutely not condescend to eat with the other cats - unless....
I almost lost him a year and a half ago. The vet sent him home to die, and he almost did. I finally got him eating again by feeding him in bed. First on me. Yes... I would take tiny bits of food from the plate and put them on me as I lay in bed. He (also laying on me) would eat those. Then managed to get to the point where he would eat the food when placed on the bedspread beside me. (I do a lot of laundry!) He still will eat in bed when he refuses elsewhere. Same food, but it's better there (apparently). And, likely, he feels safer and even more loved there.
He is extremely possessive. I hand reared him from the time he was 5 days old, so as far as he's concerned, I am his. And maybe that's why he will eat with me when not eating elsewhere.
Only exception is if one of the other cats has the nerve to try to eat on the bed with him. Mostly he just glares at them and they get the message. Failing which, he will regally swat them aside. But it's a trick I learned (don't tell him!)... that if he refuses to eat even in bed (and when things are really bad, that still happens), all I really have to do is put the plate (because I do try to use those whenever possible!) down beside me and let someone else eat from it - and then suddenly it becomes delicious for Winnie as well (he may not want it but, by gosh, he's not about to let them have it either!).
I have tried to understand why he will eat when the food is on me, or the bed, or even the carpet - but not from the bowl or plate. It is true, though that most of my kitties prefer their food elsewhere. Will grab a mouthful and then haul it to the livingroom, there to dump it on the rug and eat it (I vacuum a lot too!). Doesn't seem to matter what type of bowl/plate/saucer I am using nor what type of detergent it has been washed in. They just prefer it elsewhere. Even those who will eat at the bowl will take the food out of the bowl, dump it down beside it, then eat. But, see, that's 'us' thinking. They don't have bowls and such in the wild (nor did their ancestors) so why should they eat meticulously from such things?)
I would think that were it turf wars, though, she'd still eat after the others have wandered off. But if she's eating when spoon-fed, she obviously wants you. And therefore is likely feeling a bit challenged, or at least territorial.
This has been no help. Sorry.
