I wouldnt try to hold back the tears - I would imagine that is worse for you than crying. There's just no getting away from the upset and shock you will be feeling right now. Hopefully, things will settle down for you soon. You won't stop feeling upset and won't stop having a cry now and then, but you will feel a little calmer eventually.
I Only Wanted You
They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.
A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.
If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.
Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.
(author unknown)