Oh dear,
Don't be ashamed of that. Don't ask how I did. I had this feeling that I wanted to scream ... but I didn't because it would not bring him back to me.
It feels as somebody would rip out a big piece of your heart.
And then you are just left in your home and this huge hole in your heart ... seems not healing.
I already had physical pains after I lost my angel. For days I could not use my left arm. When I was laying in my bed, trying to sleep, my heart was beating irregular. Then I started to talk to my heart. Comforted it and told him he will come back.
I know so much how you feel. Try to speak to your heart and tell you that he will come back. Your angel will come back. Do not believe anything else. Hold on to this, no matter what others say.
Even my best friend told me that she thinks he will not come back after 12 day and I should take another cat. How can she? They are not just cats they are deeply in our hearts and they are the sweetest they share our hearts... Great personalities with strong characters...
I still know mine will come back even if he is away for a long time. I know he is missing me as well. He is my dearest heart I have.
So, don't give up. Your angel can feel it. Keep the connection to him strong and full of love as it always is.
Feli