So you're a male cat, brimming with testosterone. Then one day your owner takes you to the V...E...T and you come home minus the family jewels. You'd be gutted wouldn't you? (Well, I would...)
But what if you just woke up from the operation and didn't see any difference? However, unkown to you, in place of your jewels are a pair of silicon implants...
Yes, my friends, you can get testicular implants for cats and dogs! They're called neuticals and are perhaps one of the most bizarre inventions ever to go into production! About 230,000 surgeries have been carried out worldwide. I mean come on...really...
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March 27, 2008
The new dog accessory - designer testicles!
I thought I’d heard it all. And then the other day I came across Neuticals…
So what’s a Neutical? Why, it’s a testicular implant for pets, of course. Touted as offering a “psychological boost to a dog’s self esteem” so he can walk proudly down the high street after being neutered, these ‘fake balls’ are silicon sacks designed to be implanted during the neutering operation, taking the place of the originals. Like it says on the Neuticals website, “it’s like nothing ever changed!” Try telling that to the dog...
First designed over ten years ago, there have now been over 230,000 procedures in 49 countries around the world. Neuticals are stated as “looking and feeling exactly like the real thing”, which in itself I find a bit creepy, and they come in many different shapes, sizes and price brackets. Designer testicles? Certainly sir, that’ll be £450…
One of my favourite quotes from the manufacturers concerns whether Neuticals are actually necessary. In response to some vets saying that the dog or cat won’t notice any difference once his testicles are removed, the manufacturers say: “Why wouldn't the pet know a familiar body part is missing? Would he know if his foot was cut off?”
Personally, I have to question who Neuticals are really for – the pet or the owner? If they help convince some people that they should neuter their dog or cat when they wouldn’t previously have done so, then I guess that’s a good thing. But Neuticals strike me as all that’s wrong with image-obsessed modern life. If Fido hasn’t been the same since “the op”, just get him neuticaled – silicon balls will sort him out!
This clip from an American news show just about sums it up for me. Pamela Anderson, eat your heart out...
