Thanks, everyone. Don't be worried - I wasn't going to do anything hasty! I don't have any veterinary training, though I do have some training from my time in the TA (British Territorial Army) of medical procedures in the field, and I also have quite a lot of experience in a related field, as a cuts man at the local boxing club, which has given me a lot of experience in staunching bleeding and applying stitches. My girlfriend is also a (trainee) nurse, but it sounds like I'll have to leave it to the pros after all.
Thanks again for all the advice. I'll have to save up, so Muw will have to wait a while longer. Still, I'm sure he won't be complaining!