Thanks, everyone, for your welcome and your kind words. It's getting a little better each day, but Lucia was such an integral part of my life for so long, and she did so much for me (she really made me a much better person), that it's still so painful to realize she won't wake up from her nap and come jump up on my desk and park her little kitty butt on my mousepad.
My avatar is of course my Lucia, taken in our garden in summer of 2006. She was about 12, but always had a kittenish look. She was fairly small, at most weighed about 10lbs, but had lost weight the last months when her illnesses started to manifest. I first saw her on Christmas Day, when she was a stray with her mom, and she came home to live with me about 3 weeks later, realized she was on to a good thing, and decided to stay! I was single, in the AF, working and traveling a lot, and I never realized how lonely I had been until I had her to take care of. She moved through several countries with me and was always my first concern (I bought an extra airline seat for her in her carrier instead of putting her in cargo on commercial flights). I never had children so I suppose she became my child as well as my best friend, and she sure made me laugh a lot. No matter how ill or depressed I was, I never once forgot to feed her or check on her or clean the litter box or have some time to play with her or stroke her; she was a really affectionate, sweet little character.
My husband always had dogs, and got Sox as his first cat as a little kitten in around Sep 2003 after hearing me talk so much about Lucia. Sox is a real goofball; he's about 8 kilos now, but a real chicken. When Lucia and I moved here in early 2005 to get married, she had always been an only kitty, and didn't like him much; half his size, she'd walk up to him, hit him in the head and run off. It cracked us both up! They never became friends, although Sox longed for a playmate, but she was older and just not interested.
Things in the house are fairly dismal these days. Lucia is in the garden, my husband made a lovely box for her and she has one of my t-shirts and a favorite blanket and some toys with her. I have planted some bulbs and rosebushes over her and I talk to her every day. I started to volunteer at our local Cats Protection on Sunday mornings and that seems to help, being able to help those kitties a bit and give them some hugs. I met one fellow who actually jumped into my arms, but they feel he needs to be outside (I'm a believer in indoors cats in urban/semi-urban areas) so he is still stuck in there with no home. We have been going for long rides, and have stopped at several catteries, and may have a young cat my husband really liked come to live with us. I don't feel that *special* connection with her, but she's a nice kitty and deserves a home and I think will give Sox a real run for his money. I hope some day to find a kitty who will give me a bit of a special feeling so I can feel that connection again.
Thanks so much for "listening" to me, it helps to know others understand the depth of my bereavement. I just miss her so terribly all the time.
