thank you Gill and Lilli. yes i am feeling like i have been battered, was physically ill as i got out of car, unable to tend to him. He looked at me with such sadness and wild horror as he struggled away. I had crushed his hip and broken the other leg. Me, the one who was meant to look after him. Chief, if i could rewind time, i would, but you are now under the apple trees with Joey and Hobbs. Thank you Chief for making us double over laughing at your strange habits, your OCD, your girly walk even though you were meant to act like a tom cat, and pretending you had caught a mouse when actually you stole it out of the mouse trap, clever wee cat. Thank you endless cuddles and kisses. Thank you for sitting on my knee when we said bye to Joey. Be happy now fella, i am desperately sorry.