Please can anyone give me advice....Im grieving for my old cat but now have a new one.its different

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

A dreami card dealer so made me laugh 

[SamMewl]

having introducted a new cat to my three last year I can sypathise with how stressful this situation is (especially after losing Smudge).

Shortly after I brought my new cat home I was thinking i had done the worst thing possible, bringing an 'enemy' to live with 'baby', now 4 months later my little chintz cat happily stretches out while the enemy grooms her!

Adding a male cat to a female cat isn't likely to cause any problems in the long term (two female cats are much more likely to never see eye to eye) and once he is neutered you can start slow introductions again. it is also a good idea to swop their bedding round before they meet, more chance to become odour aquainted! And introductions with treats is also a good idea. My first introductions looked like I was a card dealer to my gambling kitties as  all 4 sat round me in a ring as i doled out 'dreamies' a fast as i could!

[funkiechicken]

Hi Becky,

Loads of great advice and i also echo everyone in the asap neutering, until then Mr Alpha Male Patch will leave scents and be dominant with little Daisy and just make introductions more stressful. As Suzyncora suggests the Rug Doctor, I do know that you can hire this at Morrisons and B&Q also 

So sorry about your Furrbaby Smudge  I read about him in the Rainbow Bridge section and so very devastating  and no wonder you are feeling the way you are 
I lost my 13&half year old Boy in October and although (it appears) naturally after leaving to find his "spot" I, like JackSpratt still find it so difficult to believe, still think that the cat I found wasnt him and that it was all a terrible mistake and that he'll return once he's able to - and then the everlasting feeling of guilt of not acting fast enough as its not until he went I finally opened my eyes to how downhill he'd gone, in just a few days.....and although its not the same, I can relate to alot of your feelings 

Like yourself, I also had 9 year old Nuggie - who had been the brother/son of Tazi since he was 5 weeks - and he took the departure of Tazi very hard. In December, I decided to adopted a 2year old lad, Peanut, so that Nuggie had a companion and truth be told - it was for me too. In a hope it would ease my pain - this didnt happen. I was numb towards Peanut at first and it took a few weeks before I could really smile at him from the heart and love him without feeling guilty or even that he shouldnt be there and that it should be Tazi 

Introductions were up and down and sometimes (no matter the length of time) starting from the beginning again is what is needed. Also when the time is right for them to meet, like JackSpratt said, using toys and treats will associate good things upon seeing the other cat.
Feliway was also my saviour and although Nuggie is not at all perfect and has little or no feline ettiquate or social skills, there is a truce and a mutual understanding between the new pair. It is also not often a quick way of doing introductions depending on the cats. Some weeks and some longer, so dont be too disheartened.
Once little Patch has been "de-podded" (and the risk of him spraying everything has gone) then while Daisy is out then a wander around the house, to get used to Daisys scent and then Daisy will also get used to his scent when she comes in 
I definitely agree also with Daisy having her "hiding places", boxes and the like and also perhaps, keeping one room for her that is her safe place, that doesnt have a Patch smell. For Nuggie, that was my bedroom (They do now share that but much to Nuggies displeasure and his determination not to let this silly baby steal everything  )
Also, do seek to gain a bond with Patch and you'll start to enjoy him. It will feel strange and continue to, but you will be charmed for his own personality 
I hold my hands up and say I cried buckets getting Peanut, enjoying his little ways, cuddling him - the whole Shabang....but he isnt Tazi's replacement, or even substitute. My memories of him are mine and i'm building memories with the cheeky rescue kitty that deserved the home i could give 
(Nuggie will always enjoy punching him on the nose, but even he is softening - from a distance LOL  )

Good Luck xx

[SuzynCora]

Becky, this is all really good advice, I can't add much apart from to say it will take time, for all of 3 of you.
Rug Doctor odour remover is very good for removing smells, I've used it very successfully with Cora.
I got mine in Tesco, but you can probably get it anywhere that hires out carpet cleaning machines.

Good luck!

[JackSpratt]

I'm so sorry to hear about Smudge. An end like that is terribly traumatic because it's so swift and brutal. I lost my 20 year old girl two years ago after another cat bit her jugular and she wasn't strong enough to respond to the treatment given to boost her chances. I was in denial for around a year and actually had to be told repeatedly it was definitely her I'd found. I still miss her now.

The thing about Patch is that not only has he been left to his own devices, he's been left with all his hormonal instincts in tact too. Weeing is scent marking, so in a new home he's going to try and assert himself. He needs neutering as soon as possible so the hormones can start dissipating.

Daisy needs lots of hideys if you can do it. Cardboard boxes would be a good temporary fix. If she's nervous he will pick up on it and try and show he's in charge. (We have this issue with Sage and Darwin - he's a bossy little so and so, she's a very flighty little tabby.) Try encouraging interactive play with the both of them. Wand toys and the like - and treats are good too. Sit on the floor between them and share out some Dreamies.

Good luck with the integration.

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Lupin came to me unneutered at 10 months, I collected him on a Thursday and he went the vets on the friday and was spayed on Monday, also was chipped and vacinated.

So if your vet has not seen him he may be waiting to see if he is OK before an op.

I would either tell your vet you want him neutering immediaitely and let him see him if he needs.

One warning about the neutering, boy cats recover very quickly but there seems to be a new trend around vets that they now add another drug to the anestesia which means they come round very quick;y but are then seriously hyper for about 12 hours and I onlly found out about this after Lupin came home and I was so worried that I rang the emergency vets...........cant remember the name of the drug, something like Ketamine and I would ask the vet about this and personally I would rather the cat came round slower than be hyper like Lupin.

I have however never discussed it with my vet .

Agree with others that Patch needs to be kept seperate from your other cat and she should be allowed the roam of the house until Patch has been neutered and beare in mond the hormones take a while to die down.

I do hope things all turn round and it becomes better for all of you 

[becky211082]

awww I feel like a huge weight has just been lifted off my shoulders 

 

Im going to make the decision to keep him in one room for the moment. But I will switch between the middle room and conservatory. There is plenty for him to see in the conservatory and when my little boy Chester is asleep I can go in and play/cuddle him so he isnt left on his own all the time.

Ill get onto the vets too tomorrow and explain............fingers crossed

Thanks xxxxxx

[Gillian Harvey]

Im def going to speak to the vet, they have got to see my side??

Im just also unsure about what to do regards to letting him roam the house? Daisy goes out all day so would  it be ok to let Patch have the freedom of the house (hes still a little timmid so only goes in certain areas).... I do feel I am pushing Daisy outside though all day.

Presume the vet didnt think there was a medical reason for not neutering him straight away? If there isnt, then I'd just book him in asap. 

I would confine Patch again for the time being, like Sam said, you don't want to chance him breaking out of the catflap while his hormones are still raging  Doing the room swap around is quite a good idea too.

[becky211082]

Hes done it at the bottom of the stairs and on the rug which I cant cover or get wet,wet (rug).

 Ill buy some washing powder tomorrow and wash it as I only use non-bio becasue of the kids. I will have a trip out to see what I can buy too regards to spray etc.

I am going to insist the cat goes in for neutering asap. Its not fair on him as he is confind to one room but more importantly my children play on the floor where he has wee'd too.

Hope all goes well?
Thanks again xx

[Sam (Fussy_Furball)]

I would be very careful that Patch doesn't get out ... as you say he is a walking hormone at the moment and as it's coming up to spring there are likely to be unspayed females somewhere near you ... if he gets a sniff of a female his hormones will take over and he will be off like a shot ... and as he is new to you he is very likely to get himself lost.

This may be useful with regards to cleaning the soiled areas:


Whether a genuine accident or not, once the cat has urinated or defecated at a particular location its sensitive nose will encourage it to use that place as a regular toilet. The best way to break the habit is to keep the cat away from the area as long as possible, remove any smell that the cat can detect and change the geography of the location by using pieces of furniture to block access. Wash the area with a 10% solution of biological or enzymatic washing powder and then rinse with cold water and allow to dry. Spray the area (using a plant mister) with surgical spirit, scrub and leave to dry. You may want to try a small area first on delicate fabrics. Petfresh (Urine-off) Urine Stain and Odour Remover is a particularly effective product to remove residual odours; this can be purchased from your local veterinary surgery. Carpet is extremely absorbent and the urine often penetrates the full thickness of the carpet to the flooring underneath. If the area is badly soiled over a long period it may be necessary to cut out the section of carpet and underlay and treat the concrete or floorboards underneath before replacing.

[becky211082]

Thanks Sheliarose,

This forum has just been a god send and I feel that everyone has just been so kind.

Its also nice to find people with the same love for animals (especially cats  ) xxx

Im def going to speak to the vet, they have got to see my side?? I hope he does settle and I def think he will as he is so loving but I just know hes one raging hormone as this moment 

Im just also unsure about what to do regards to letting him roam the house? Daisy goes out all day so would  it be ok to let Patch have the freedom of the house (hes still a little timmid so only goes in certain areas).... I do feel I am pushing Daisy outside though all day.

I have a cat flap, but im having to lock it in case patch runs out? Daisy tends to stay out becasue she is so timmid but sometimes she does like to be in.

At this point should I lock Patch away?

Thanks xxx

[sheilarose]

Never too late to start again with introductions, Becky.

I salute everything you're doing since poor Smudge passed away, but you need to pace yourself for Patch's sake.

Neuter him asap - not sure where your vet is coming from as there's no reason I can think of or have heard that justifies keeping a Tom cat "entire" when he's being introduced to a new home - just makes things worse in my experience. I think you are being exceptionally brave and hope Patch isn't too much for your young family to cope with.

Once he's been done you can relax a bit, but his hormones may still take weeks/months to settle before he stops being territorial.  Take your time, relax, buy good deep cleaning solutions for the weewee smell and above all else, be good to yourself.
If you feel its not working, ask for help, OK? You've been through enough lately to put yourself through another kind of torture if Patch isn't settling in.

(BTW - I had a recent traumatic "failed" adoption and its only through the help I received from Purrs people have I come out with my sanity intact)

 

[becky211082]

Thanks Gillian,

Ill speak to the vets tomorrow. Its not nice either as I have a 6 month old son and a 5 year old son too. so its not nice when they are playing on the floor where the cat has just wee'd


Ill get some diffusers too asap. Im going to put Daisy in the middle room tonight where Patch has also been and with Patch now in the conservatory they are in the rooms next door (can see each other through glass patio doors) and Daisy can take in Patchs sent from the middle room.

I just hope I havnt ruined things between them xxx

Thanks again xxx

[Sam (Fussy_Furball)]

I agree with Gill ... the quicker you get him done the better ... and the less chance of him stinking out your home 

[Gillian Harvey]

So sorry about Smudge 

Personally, I'd get him neutered asap, I don't see the reasoning behind leaving it a couple of weeks - the sooner the better I reckon!    This would hopefully stop the weeing, although it takes a few weeks for hormones to settle down after neutering, so don't expect it stop straight away.

I think it was perhaps too early to start face to face intros, and would keep them apart for the time being, but able to see each other as before, wait until Patch is neutered and hormones settled a bit, then try the supervised meetings again. This will also give Daisy a chance to get over the initial meeting that didnt go too well. Have you got some Feliway diffusers plugged in? if not I'd get a couple, one for Patch in the conservatory and one for Daisy in the house.  Good luck, its horrible when intros go wrong and all parties are upset 
 

[Sam (Fussy_Furball)]

So sorry to hear about Smudge 

With regards to Patch ... I suspect as he is an unneutered Tom he is spraying because he can smell all the places where Smudge will have scent rubbed and he is re-marking!

Hopefully as soon as he is neutered the spraying will stop.

[becky211082]

Hi guys,

Last week my beautiful feline soul mate Smudge passed away (he was killed by a dog, my story smudge-taken so cruelly is in the catagory rainbow bridge)

Anyway my friend works for social housing and they ad this abbandoned cat Patch. To cut a long story short I have taken him on in my home.

He came on friday and on friday I put him in my conservatory to be left alone and to relax/find his paws.

Over the last couple of days I have let him slowly roam the house but always left the conservatory open so he can always go back to his !"quiet space" to chill out etc.

He has seemed pretty confident but hes started to wee everywhere? Is this normal? He was left abandoned and even though he did have a litter tray I doubt it was cleaned? Also he hasnt been done yet (vet said I need to wait two weeks for him to be settled) could this be a reason?

He does have a litter tray and has been using it bit then he is doing this??

Also I am just devestated with what happened too. I have another cat Daisy who is extremely timmid and I wanted to introduce themvery very slowly. They have seen each other through glass doors and last night I let them have supervised meet and greet time which seemed ok.

Today though as I have let Daisy in im not sure whats happened but Patch has got out and chased her and they have just had a huge fight ;0( I could cry especially with the week I have just had!!

I never meant for this to happen....They both seem ok? I have put Patch back in the conservatory and shut the door but Daisy I have just left as she is just so timmid I wont even catch her.

Please,please can you give me any advice to help things run smoothly. This is so new to me as Smudge and Daisy were best friends and Im devestated my baby is gone but I would like to give Patch a place in our home.

Thanks xx