I know what you mean about the special bond - there are some cats that affect you more deeply than most people.
It's a month on Monday since Ed died, and there hasn't been a day that I haven't missed him horribly, and there hasn't been a day I haven't cried. If anybody told me he was just a cat I'm not certain what I'd do. But it wouldn't be good.
After Vlad's RTA (he was left for dead by the driver - a neighbour saw it and took him in), I seriously wanted to knee cap him (the driver). It was probably be good that it was a neighbour who saw it instead of me, because I'm not sure I'd have been responsible for my actions. No forget that, I am sure, and I'd have probably ended up in jail. That feeling of anger only partly went away last year (he was killed in 2003). I don't think it ever will completely. He'd been a long term stray - not quite feral, but getting there - he'd had such a hard, sad, lonely little life before we found him in the back garden and tamed him.... One friend once told me he needed to "toughen up" - said 'friend' hasn't been to the house since.
The closure thing won't help in the short term - that's for the years to come - it won't help for now, but not much will, as I'm sure you know.
I wish most days that Vlad hadn't died (he was 6) , and I wish more than once a day that Eddie-puss hadn't got sick and died (he was
, but I know that some day I'll look back and think there was a plan of some sort - if Vlad hadn't died I'd never have met Edward (George and Ed were successors to Vlad).
The only brightness in the whole miserable thing is that some time in the future we'll be able to give another poor homeless cat a chance.
I'd still give my right arm to have the old ones back, but that's not possible, so I cling onto the future mogs we can help. It's the only thing that seems to help me.
I too hope that the bridge is real. I told Ed to find Vlad, and that Vlad would look after him. There's no way his lovely wee spirit could just stop. It can't.
