Advice and sympathy needed

[pippivixen]

Two years ago next month, my husband of 17 years left me for an older woman (I am 43, he is 47, she is 61), his parting comment was "I hope the cat is ok and you don't starve her to death", (he was the one who always fed her), that night, I had the kids and Billie in my bed, the kids and myself had a fitful night, Billie didn't move, from the moment he left, she became lots more friendly and loving and started to come back in the house, where before she was happier outside.

After about 3 months, the kids said to me they thought Billie was a lot happier now "he" had gone. 

He hardly ever see's his children, despite living within 30 miles and has kept the same Dr who he visits once a month, Billie has since died and we have got Cloud, Shadow and Misty and whenever I have the misfortune of having to speak to him, he will always ask how the kittens are before he finds out the welfare of his children. 

Time does heal, you won't see it now, but honestly, I promise you, it will get better, give Mia all the cuddles you need to share and I am sure she will help the situation for both of you to settle into a new routine.

Good luck.

[JackSpratt]

Deborah, I know it's difficult. I'm now with the person I was meant to be with. But I had a relationship with someone previous to him, and it was tough when we broke up because despite it being very volatile we were still fond of each other.

We've now been friends for about twelve years, and it became apparant to me when I got into a good relationship that this was the sort of  bond we were supposed to have in the first place!

Hang in there, you'll both be fine. Mia too.

[Dawn (DiddyDawn)]

I'm sorry to hear your news Deborah but I'm pleased that you are on friendly terms........this will make it so much easier for all concerned    I'm sure Mia will be fine, give her lots of cuddles and reassurance and try to keep everything as normal as you can for her.  Rescue Remedy may help as no matter how hard you try, she will pick up on the emotions that are going on around her.  Try and keep your chin up and give Mia a cuddle for me  , xxxxx

[Ela]

Actually, it is hard for both of us.

At least a friendship may come out of this, so that can't be a bad thing.

[Déborah]

Hey all,

thanks a lot for your kind words 

Actually, it is hard for both of us. We still love each other but it's not working out and we're making each other very unhappy. He can't give me what I want and it's destroying me, and it's destroying him to see what he's doing to me, so we're calling it quits. Well, he seems to be backtracking now, but I really want to get out, even though it is killing me. This was my first serious relationship and it is so painful. It was going to be our 4th anniversary this friday.

Anyway, thanks for the support, I really appreciate it 

Déborah xx

[JackSpratt]

Deborah, I'm so sorry about your break up. But you get to keep your "baby" so that's good!

With regards to men - there's someone for everyone, you've just not met him yet!

[Susanne (urbantigers)]

Sorry to hear about the beak up, Deborah 

I'm sure Mia will be fine, especially as she's young.  They are very adaptable at that age.  It will be a change for her but just give her lots of cuddles and I'm sure she'll give you plenty back.

I have to disagree, not all men are bad, my husband does almost everything, all I have to do is the washing and ironing, well my daughter usually does the ironing, mind you I think I have done it twice already this year, last year I only did it once all year. I also feed the cats and if Stuart is not in will take a dump out if the litter tray, if he is in he is always there first.

The good ones seem to be few and far between, ela.  Besides, when you've just split up with someone it's very therapeutic to subscribe to the "all men are bad, who needs em anyway" school of thought!

[Ela]

they r all crap  i agree and good for nothing

I have to disagree, not all men are bad, my husband does almost everything, all I have to do is the washing and ironing, well my daughter usually does the ironing, mind you I think I have done it twice already this year, last year I only did it once all year. I also feed the cats and if Stuart is not in will take a dump out if the litter tray, if he is in he is always there first.

[Ela]

I haven't had any sleep and I've cried most of last night, and she's been a wee doll. She stayed with me all night and spend ages this morning licking and headbutting my face

I am so sorry, please remember that these things happen for a reason and when you come through this you will be better off.

I haven't had any sleep and I've cried most of last night, and she's been a wee doll. She stayed with me all night and spend ages this morning licking and headbutting my face

That’s cats for you loving and loyal, well many of them anyway.

ps anyway Im sure you dont need a man, they are crap!

I am not going to say that as there are some that are loving an loyal and one day hopefully you will meet someone that deserves you.

[forever_missing_my_boys(Lisa)]

  they r all crap  i agree and good for nothing

[ccmacey]

  Sorry for you. Men eh?

She should be ok as long as your not showing to much distress, which I know will be hard to do. Just be there for each other and remember we are all here for you both.

C x

ps anyway Im sure you dont need a man, they are crap!  

[Kittybabe (Ruth)]

Deb, I'm really sorry.  Can't offer much except moral support and letting you know you have a few shoulders to cry on here if you need em. At one time or another one of us has been where you are.

As for Mia, its great you get to keep her. Mia is young yet so the transition should be easy for her.  Depending on how much you will be moving, best to move Mia last so that she is in her new house with all her new things (and new toys of course!  ). That's my advice on the move, the less movement she sees the less stressed she will be. Of course she could help you pack and then that will make it easier for both of you 

[CurlyCatz]

Deborah i knew you were having a rough time and took it for the reason you've been quiet.  Sorry to hears things havent worked out for you guys.

As for advice perhaps keeping her in one or 2 rooms to start with as you would when bringing her home for the 1st time.  I cant think of much else to suggest but im sure as long as she has lots of cuddles from you she'll settle ok.

Cody sends her big cuddles and says she'll be ok and she needs to look after her meowmy. 

[Déborah]

 Hiya folk,

my partner and I are separating, which means I will have to move out (to a smaller place). Thankfully I'm keeping Mia, but I want to do everything I can to make the change as little stressful as possible for her. Have you got any advice on that? I'm thinking feliway + rescue remedy and of course I will bring all her toys and a lot of familiar objects, but is there anything else you would advise me to do?

I haven't had any sleep and I've cried most of last night, and she's been a wee doll. She stayed with me all night and spend ages this morning licking and headbutting my face 

Déborah xx