No, Everyday I think about my Boys and I still miss them not being here
We have Olivia now and as lovely as she is, she is no replacement for my two boy's ( I don't think you can ever replace them )
plus the fact she is more of a Mummy’s girl, as it was a lady who cared for her the first 5 years of her life
I think I still miss My two Boys ( and always will ) mainly because of the part of my life they were with me
I moved out of my Parents house and into my flat when I was 21, accompanied with Misty and very soon after that
Hamish joined us ( a stray I adopted, whom I learned had been abandoned by the family when they moved to Australia )
This was not long after breaking a nightmare of a relationship with my partner of 4 years, a relationship that destroyed
All my trust and respect that I had for women
deceitful Trollop
there was only 2 months till the wedding,
I HAD to get out!!!
My grand mother passed, then my Grandfather, in the meantime I was getting myself deeper and deeper into debt
I remember being sad a lot and had virtually no self esteem, but I did not know why?, My work was being affected and there were times when suicidal thoughts would spring into My mind, But then Hamish or Misty would jump on me and give me their love, and I would realise, " I couldn't, I had the responsibility to look after them " I did try and tell my Parent's what was happening, but I got no support there, all they would say was " what have you got to be depressed about, and that I was too young to have depression ",, My sister helped, but I soon realised the only person that could really help was myself. it was 2 years after the initial break-up that I was diagnosed with Chronic depression, they gave me pill's which I didn't like cause they made me feel ill ( seroxat was one i remember ) and I always stopped taking them soon after. No..... for me, I would just keep going, Misty and Hamish at my side, THEY gave me strength and encouraged me to keep going...............
To keep climbing above it all !!
It took me over 7 years before it felt as tho I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel
By the time I was 29-30 I felt fine, life was getting better, and I had my two Babies with me, I met Carol when I was 31
and from there, things just got better all the time.. Life was Great!!
Then, mid way through august 2007, Hamish was taken to the vet’s and diagnosed with a urine infection, He was given med’s and Seemed to improve, then He just went downhill from there, It was around that time I joined this wonderful forum, on the 5th September 2007 Hamish was pts, It broke my heart
For the simple reason of feeling I had let Him down greatly, I was overcome with guilt because “ I forgot they Grow Old “
8 months previously he had been going off his food, I just put it down to “ Hamish Being Fussy “ and because for 10 years
of leaving the cold water tap in the bathroom running, I never noticed Him drinking More, I forgot they grow old, I didn’t think
He wouldn’t be here forever
To this day, I still feel the guilt, I will never forget or forgive myself either
And when Misty’s turn to leave came, My heart was broken again, but this time there were no Guilty feeling’s, I felt I had done
Everything I could have for Him
But because of the things that happened in my life when they were here for Me, and because they were part of my life for so long " MY Rock" I will still think of them Everyday and I will still miss
them so much, I always will..........
