Helping older cat accept new kitten?

[meeko_pepper]

Thanks for your reply!

Meeko is becoming slightly more tolerant but he's still not impressed at all, going to get some of the feliway and see if that helps.

Pepper isnt jumping or playing as she knows not to, he's already given her a good warning! She isnt afraid of him though and carries on with her business until he hisses at her then she tends to steer clear. Meeko wont really let us fuss him at the moment either, he doesnt seem to like it & just lashes out then runs away

I supposed all we can do is continue as we are & hope for the best. Thanks everyone x

[Susanne (urbantigers)]

In my experience it can take a while - as in years!

Jaffa was coming up to 9 years old when I got Mosi.  After the initial hissing, he accepted him ok but Mosi was a lively little thing, even for a 14 weeker, and would constantly jump on Jaffa wanting to play.  Jaffa has always been quite lively for his age, and he coped well but it has been hard for him at times.  When Mosi was little he would either hiss at Mosi when he went too far or just roll around the floor with him then sit on him    I was a bit naiive and expected that as Mosi grew into adulthood things would settle down and reach a plateau.  That hasn't really happened.  Somalis are slow maturing cats so Mosi didnt reach his full size until almost 4 years old (last December) and he has continued to be very lively and active.   Jaffa is still a tad bigger than Mosi but he isn't big enough to physically dominate Mosi like he used to.  Things are fine between them most of the time, but their relationship has constantly evolved over the years and has never been static.  I do think that Mosi is calming down a bit now and they their relationship is a bit more predictable, but I was wrong in expecting that once Mosi was neutered and reached about a year old they would interact as 2 adults together and have a more stable relationship.  In reality it's taken a lot longer than that.  It's probably because they are both dominant cats, but every now and then Mosi will start being a bit bolshy with Jaffa as though he's testing the boundaries (Jaffa is just about top cat) then things will settle down again.

My advice would be to play as much as you can with Pepper so that she's tired and doesn't have the energy to bother Meeko too much.  If Pepper goes for Meeko (even just in play) and it's obvious that Meeko doesn't want it, try to distract Pepper with a toy such as da bird.  Get her to chase the toy and she may learn to leave Meeko alone a bit more and hopefully Meeko will adapt to having her around. As long as she's not actively harrassing Meeko, then I think you can get to a point where Meeko accepts Pepper being around.  Make sure that Meeko has places she can escape to if he wants to get away from her.  You may end up having to establish 2 separate territories in your house so that they each have their own feeding place, litter tray, sleeping places etc. 

Do you have any feliway?  That might help Meeko feel more relaxed.  You could also try rescue remedy in the drinking water.

[meeko_pepper]

Thanks for the replies

I just dont know what to do, him & Mickey were great together but I cant remember what they were like in the beginning, I really dont think Meeko is going to change his mind about Pepper. I'm gutted & feel so stupid to have got a kitten now

Meeko is getting lots of attention, the only time Pepper gets attention is when Meeko isnt in so he doesnt see it. We've been really careful to make sure that Meeko doesnt get jealous and gets lots of reassurance. When they are spatting I tend to not get involved as if I do then Meeko lashes out (It hurts lol!) so i've been letting him calm then giving him lots of fuss after.

So is there anything I can do to make Meeko less stressed? He seems to be getting more aggressive. I know he's only letting us know that he's ups
et but him lashing out at my 13 week old baby isnt good obviously. Has anyone experienced this and their cats grown to love each other? Any advice appreciated   

[Kay and Penny]

when Meeko hisses or swipes at you or the children, he is just showing he is generally upset - it won't be anything to do with altered feelings towards any of you

bit like us when we snap at the nearest person cos we are cross about something quite unconnected with them

[Hippykitty]

I'm sorry if this seems a little unhelpful, but it's aimed more at peeps who may have an older cat and considering getting a kitten.

Adult cats and kittens have very different needs: kittens want to play lots, but older cats, even as young as three, are more laid back. Your kitten may be trying to get Meeko to play and generally being, what seems to us, a loveable pest. Meeko may be very pissed off (I hope this will be filtered) by these demands, resenting them.

Without realising it, you are probably giving lots of attention to the new kitten and taking its part when Meeko hisses etc. This makes Meeko feel surplanted in your affection. Try to give MORE attention to Meeko than to the kitten. When there's a spat, go to Meeko and comfort him, not the kitten.

His territory has been invaded. He feels like you no longer love him and have replaced him with what he sees as a nuisance. Give him more love than the kitten.

Eventually, they'll establish a distant tolerance.

To others: please don't mix lone older cats with kittens.

[Fire Fox]

Some rescues and owners use clicker training to facilitate introductions/ meetings - might be worth a shot alongside Feliway?

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

I am so sorry to hear about Micky 

I suspect that Meeko liked being the only cat after losing Micky and now he has this horrible little burgglar running around his space and he hates it.

I suspect the age difference is too big but it just maybe that Meeko doesnt want another cat around, very hard to tell.

Have you tried a feliway plug in as that may help.

I have two birmans who are hated by my other two cats who were here first but the birmans tend to live upstairs and Misa and Sasa downstairs. In last couple of weeks Misa has decided he wants to sleep on the bed and he and Franta try the best to get each other off the bed...........no fisty cuffs cos we are long past that stage but Misa who is a big boy will deliberately try to lie on one of the others.

I so wish, despite being in love with the birmans, wished i hadnt bought the second pair in cos we had months of nastyness but so peqaased it was a pair who knew each other all their lives............litter brothers.

Sometimes cats will learn to tolerate each other although they hate each other like mine,,,,,,,,,,,,if feliway doesnt work, the only other thing I can suggest is referral by your vet to a behaviourist like Vicky Hall.

 

[meeko_pepper]

Hey guys, I dont think anyone will remember me as I havent posted for a LONG time but i'm back and in need of a little help please 

A bit of background... I had 2 cats, Meeko & Mickey and meeko was the older cat with mickey being around 12 months younger. Nearly 2 years ago Mickey came home and had been in an RTA, he had nerve damage in his back legs/tail area we gave it a month with trips back and forth to the vets and eventually came to the decision to have him put to sleep  since that time Meeko always seemed a bit depressed and lonley but he's a pretty 'possesive' cat so we were unsure whether a new kitten would be a good idea or not. We decided recently to get one and thought he'd be ok but he's not exactly pleased!!

Pepper is a british shorthair and is LOVELY, she's so loving and cheeky and has settled in really well, we got her just over a week ago at 13 weeks old. We kept them apart at first and Pepper settled into a room while we slowly introduced the smells to each other and then after a few days did some very short introductions and there was alot of hissing/spitting (from meeko mainly!) and then eventually we let Pepper have free run of the house and all seems fine... until they meet! Then Meeko starts hissing/spitting at her and runs off, he has given her a couple of warning taps but other than that nothing major. We're giving them both lots of reassurance, fusses, cuddles etc etc too so no worries about that.

I know its early days but just wondered is this normal and will he tolerate her eventually? I cant remember how it was when we introduced Mickey so dont really have anything to compare to. I'm also a bit concerned as he's turned nasty on me a couple of times which he's NEVER done before, he has also randomly hissed at my 2 children which he has never ever done either, he's the most soft and loving cat ever usually!

Just wondered if anyone can share their experiences please for a little reassurance as i've started to worry that he'll never tolerate her & we've made him more miserable when trying to cheer him up

Thank youuuuu! x