Thanks for the lovely comments Nick.I dont have any doubts over Pebbles - I know I didn't push the eating as much as some would have, but I know the reasons behind that decision were the right ones. I think it is just a combination of everything that has happened this year - the ones I have lost aren't the ones I expected. I think a major part is more sadness over Ginger than Pebbles though, might sound awful, but I had 4 years with him and his passing was just so unexpected. I think I need some time to get my head round everything, and it doesn't help that I know I still have to explain to some people what has happened. I am very grateful to some of the wonderful people on here who have listened to me wittering on, I dont think I would have coped without some of them - it is times like this that I am so grateful that I have people other than my neighbour for advice and support, I dread to think what woudl have happened to some of mine if I had only had her.
I was reading my foster notebook earlier (copying it into a new one), and I found an entry for the end of July 2004, where I said that my dream was to take on as many oldies as I can and give them a good end to life. If you include fosters that have been homed, I have helped 11 oldies in the 4 years I have had cats by myself, so I am certainly fulfilling it, and that figure will be higher before I stop taking oldies on, it isn't high enough at the moment!! I know it hurts to let them go, but that normally fades fairly quickly, and the pleasure at knowing that you gave a cat a good home for weeks/months/years, and at the most important time of their life normally outweighs the pain - as it will do again, I think I would have been OK if it hadn't been for X Mas!!