Topic: Advice needed please re: rehoming in a flat... (Read 6540 times)

isabella · « **Reply #23 on:** April 03, 2010, 20:37:38 PM »

Hi everyone!

Well, time flies! Time for an update I suppose.

Hubby and I talked over the cat situation and we decided to wait and see what happened. As it happened, we didn't get a kitty at that time. However, hubby has had a complete turnaround! We have a few friends with cats and he's so relaxed around them now. He's still a little nervy but he's happy to give them a stroke and if they're super friendly he even lets them on his lap

He said that he could see our flat with an indoor cat and the other week he presented me with a great anniversary present... an IOU one kitty! The only stipulation was that we cat-proof the balcony so it can go outsite if it wants some space. The litter tray can stay inside as long as it's covered and cleaned daily (seriously, who wouldn't clean a litter tray daily?) and he's fine with the food bowl being in the kitchen. We've had a complete refurb in the house and the kitty can have the second bedroom that isn't used.

I'm so excited, but I'm not rushing into this. I'm waiting for the right cat and even if it takes a year to find the right cat... so be it.

So a bit of research to do then I'll be rehoming a lovely little kitty!

isabella · « **Reply #22 on:** May 22, 2009, 20:38:44 PM »

Quote from: clarenmax on May 22, 2009, 16:39:57 PM

On the assumption that getting rid of hubby might be a slightly extreme option I would say you're going about this the right way so far. If you're settled in your flat and your circumstances are not likely to change for the foreseeable future, then the time is right to discuss how a furbabe could take over your home.

I do think however that the balcony should probably be out of bounds completely, and that food/litter tray should be provided in the warmth indoors.

If hubby is definitely in agreement, then go for it I know how hard it can be when one of your doesn't really want an animal, my ex only let me adopt Max as I really wanted a cat, it wasn't really what he wanted Luckily we split up 2 months later and I got full custody

Haha... now that's justice! It's so funny because I just can't understand how someone isn't bothered when they see a cat! They're gorgeous and have right little personalities... they've never forgotten they used to be worshipped as gods!

With the balcony then, the previous owners had a catflap fitted and their cat's things were all outsde. I know every cat's different, but it seemed quite content to eat outside. It's quite sheltered, ie when it rains it doesn't get wet.. it has a canopy over it from the flat above. But would you all say it's best to bring it's tray and food inside? I thought it would be nice for the little kitty to have some outside space it can call it's own as we never use the balcony.

x

clarenmax · « **Reply #21 on:** May 22, 2009, 16:39:57 PM »

On the assumption that getting rid of hubby might be a slightly extreme option

I would say you're going about this the right way so far. If you're settled in your flat and your circumstances are not likely to change for the foreseeable future, then the time is right to discuss how a furbabe could take over your home.

I do think however that the balcony should probably be out of bounds completely, and that food/litter tray should be provided in the warmth indoors.

If hubby is definitely in agreement, then go for it

I know how hard it can be when one of your doesn't really want an animal, my ex only let me adopt Max as I really wanted a cat, it wasn't really what he wanted

Luckily we split up 2 months later and I got full custody

bunglycat · « **Reply #20 on:** May 22, 2009, 13:09:12 PM »

Quote from: Den on May 22, 2009, 10:59:13 AM

I'm sorry, I just have to pick up an important bit of what you just said ..

If he is fine with a rabbit or snake it doesn't mean he will be ok with a cat. They are all very, very different and as such require different looking after. Cats are the more active, into everything, getting everywhere with much more potential to be annoying. Lots of people hate cats, they may even have a whole menagerie but would never own a cat. I used to HATE cats with a passion but I got over that after working with an awful lot of them.

Maybe your OH can go an volunteer to work in a cattery or cat rescue, get his hands dirty and basically spend plenty of time getting to understand cats a bit more.

My boy is sweet, loving, caring, cuddly, clingy, etc etc but he can be reallllllllllly naughty He also zooms around the house like a lunatic every single day having the time of his life and has no problem jumping all over people. Would your OH be able to put up with something like that? Likewise will you want a cat who is maybe the complete opposite and who isn't a lap cat, doesn't like cuddles and keeps themselves to themselves

As for litter tray and food. I definitely think both need to be in the house and not on the balcony.

My gut instinct says it's not a great idea until your OH specifically says he wants a cat. And I do think the best way for this to happen is to get him to spend time around them. Otherwise, what would happen if you get a cat and he turns around after a couple of months and says he cannot cope

PS - I have NOOOOOOOO trouble cleaning up all kinds of cat bodily fluids, I would never be able to do the same for a human child

I agree totally with this statement - in all honesty you don''t sound that compatible -he wants kids you don''t -thats a major issue for a lot of people ( i personally don''t like them much and would never in a billion years want one !) - You like cats he doesn''t !
I would still stick with getting rid of hubby myself .

Den · « **Reply #19 on:** May 22, 2009, 10:59:13 AM »

I'm sorry, I just have to pick up an important bit of what you just said ..

If he is fine with a rabbit or snake it doesn't mean he will be ok with a cat. They are all very, very different and as such require different looking after. Cats are the more active, into everything, getting everywhere with much more potential to be annoying. Lots of people hate cats, they may even have a whole menagerie but would never own a cat. I used to HATE cats with a passion

but I got over that after working with an awful lot of them.

Maybe your OH can go an volunteer to work in a cattery or cat rescue, get his hands dirty and basically spend plenty of time getting to understand cats a bit more.

My boy is sweet, loving, caring, cuddly, clingy, etc etc but he can be reallllllllllly naughty

He also zooms around the house like a lunatic every single day having the time of his life and has no problem jumping all over people. Would your OH be able to put up with something like that? Likewise will you want a cat who is maybe the complete opposite and who isn't a lap cat, doesn't like cuddles and keeps themselves to themselves

As for litter tray and food. I definitely think both need to be in the house and not on the balcony.

My gut instinct says it's not a great idea until your OH specifically says he wants a cat. And I do think the best way for this to happen is to get him to spend time around them. Otherwise, what would happen if you get a cat and he turns around after a couple of months and says he cannot cope

PS - I have NOOOOOOOO trouble cleaning up all kinds of cat bodily fluids, I would never be able to do the same for a human child

isabella · « **Reply #18 on:** May 22, 2009, 10:17:40 AM »

Quote from: bunglycat on May 21, 2009, 23:42:17 PM

Why don''t you rehome hubby !

Seriously, I didn't realise the implications of marrying someone who's not keen on pets! Incidentally, he would love to get a snake or a rabbit???? So if he's happy with a snake or a rabbit then he'll be fine with a cat!

Quote from: bunglycat on May 21, 2009, 23:42:17 PM

I prefer my cats to any of my family anyway .

I know that feeling!

xx

isabella · « **Reply #17 on:** May 22, 2009, 10:15:49 AM »

Quote from: Beth on May 21, 2009, 20:40:40 PM

I doubt my opinion will be very welcome, but i think your biggest issue is dedication, you've rehomed 3 cats in however long, and as far as i can tell from your post nothing in your situation has actually changed? What's to say Hubby won't decide he doesn't like this cat either? I would think very carefully before going ahead...

Sorry, maybe I didn't explain it properly. The first cat sadly died. When we got married we moved into a small annexe in the back of the MIL's garden. The kittens were great, but the place was too small to be able to give them the freedom they needed. The area is rural and foxes had been known to kill and attack kittens, so we felt it best for them to give them to a relative with a farmhouse so they could enjoy life as they needed it.

The thrid cat we had to rehome as we were moving into this flat. As he was a semi feral, he'd never have coped with being indoors and would have seriously injured himself trying to get the pidgeons on the balcony. We've bene in the flat two years now, we're settled and not going anywhere. So now the tme is right, we're deciding on getting another fury companion,

As for OH, we have chatted about it seriously. He has a long time to get used to the idea as we wont be rushing into anything. He wants kids, and I really, really dont, so my point is if he can't handle a cat acidentally missing the tray or puking up on the floor, how can he handle a kid? As for actually choosing a cat, well, we have all the time in the world for the right cat to come along. My sister lives opposite us (yep, literally opposite) so she'll have no problems looking after the new addiion. It's only that she's in rented accomodation that she's not got her how furry friend.

Granted, I may not be as experienced as you cat lovers out there, but I understand their behavour, that they will want to hide under the bed for a few hours to get away from it all (such a hard life they have!), that they wont want cuddles and affection all the time. Bu I feel we can really offer a good home to an indoor/FIV cat.

xx

bunglycat · « **Reply #16 on:** May 21, 2009, 23:42:17 PM »

Why don''t you rehome hubby !
I personally won''t be around anyone that doesn''t like cats or tolerate them -but i only have myself to please and like it that way .
Maybe why i choose to live with just my furbabies - anyone who cannot give a million percent shouldn''t consider having a cat as then they decide to re-home later because oh has gone off it .
I prefer my cats to any of my family anyway .

clarenmax · « **Reply #15 on:** May 21, 2009, 23:10:20 PM »

Quote from: Millys Mum on May 21, 2009, 19:20:21 PM

If he wont cuddle a cat will he want it on the bed and sofa? I believe cats should have access where ever to keep them happy and this is especially important for indoor cats, they cant be restricted to one or two rooms, its asking for behavioural issues
Litter tray and food should be accessable at all times in an indoor area, an open balcony isnt appealing when its cold or wet!

This is a very good point, and one which certainly needs to be considered very seriously.

Kay and Penny · « **Reply #14 on:** May 21, 2009, 22:48:22 PM »

perhaps OH should be allowed to chose the pud

Rosella moggy · « **Reply #13 on:** May 21, 2009, 22:30:17 PM »

Hi Isabella and

to Purrs

Oh dear, it's not straightforward is it? Would be lovely to have a cat that behaved (

) but they don't do they. OH's attitude is pretty worrying tbh

esp with an indoor only pud. We have 6 and not one of them is what you called "A sociable, friendly cat, who loves to play and loves cuddles" all the time and they mostly have outdoor access whenever they like.

Everyone of them can be "naughty" to varying degrees altho granted the kittens can be more of a handful. How seriously have you discussed this with OH? What would be his reaction when new pud doesn't use the litter tray to toilet on occasion or scratches carpet/furniture etc? You know.... basic cat misbehaviour. It could be that pud has so much purrsonality that it wins OH over and OH might be tummy tickling before long but it may easily not work out at all well so you need to have a really straight talk to each other about what you both want. Both of you need to care about the welfare of any new arrival.

It also concerns me that you would be thinking of feeding pud on the balcony and putting the litter tray there.

Also you mention you go away quite a bit. How often and for how long? Sorry not to be more positive but your OH needs to be onboard before any new pud arrives or I can so easily see yet another rehoming before too long.

Stuart · « **Reply #12 on:** May 21, 2009, 21:22:14 PM »

Quote from: Beth on May 21, 2009, 20:40:40 PM

I doubt my opinion will be very welcome, but i think your biggest issue is dedication, you've rehomed 3 cats in however long, and as far as i can tell from your post nothing in your situation has actually changed? What's to say Hubby won't decide he doesn't like this cat either? I would think very carefully before going ahead...

No, I'd have to agree with you there, when taking on a Pet ( any Pet ) commitment is of the uppermost importance

Beth · « **Reply #11 on:** May 21, 2009, 20:40:40 PM »

I doubt my opinion will be very welcome, but i think your biggest issue is dedication, you've rehomed 3 cats in however long, and as far as i can tell from your post nothing in your situation has actually changed? What's to say Hubby won't decide he doesn't like this cat either?

I would think very carefully before going ahead...

Millys Mum · « **Reply #10 on:** May 21, 2009, 19:20:21 PM »

Tbh i think you need to have a good chat with your OH, cats are not instantly affectionate and he will have to handle/get over that cats can be flighty and also do what they want!
Adult cats are often as playful and naughty as kittens so you both need to accept they will not be too dissimilar to the 2 kittens he got you before.

If he wont cuddle a cat will he want it on the bed and sofa? I believe cats should have access where ever to keep them happy and this is especially important for indoor cats, they cant be restricted to one or two rooms, its asking for behavioural issues

Litter tray and food should be accessable at all times in an indoor area, an open balcony isnt appealing when its cold or wet!

Kay and Penny · « **Reply #9 on:** May 21, 2009, 17:34:36 PM »

Zooplus sells catproof netting for balconies - visit their site through 'Links' above

isabella · « **Reply #8 on:** May 21, 2009, 16:59:14 PM »

That's good news!

I've just read an article for indoor cats and it seems like the requirements are pretty commonsense really (their own private areas, vegetation etc)

As regards the balcony, is there anything I can do to make it catproof? At the moment it's probably 7ft by 2ft, and has willow branches covering over the iron bars, which are about 3-4ft high. I really don't mind the cat going outside to chatter at the birds etc but I'd hate it to jump and fall.

xx

clarenmax · « **Reply #7 on:** May 21, 2009, 16:44:16 PM »

I can vouch that cats adapt well to indoor only life

If the balcony is a problem, them you could consider adopting an FIV cat like my Maxy boy, they need to be kept indoors, so could be a good compromise?

As long as there is plenty of stimulation, interaction, and lots of toys etc, he/she would be fine

isabella · « **Reply #6 on:** May 21, 2009, 16:06:33 PM »

Quote from: Stuart (Dad to Bridgebabes Hamish & Misty) on May 21, 2009, 16:01:04 PM

I stay in a second floor flat, hence all of mine have been indoor, I also let them out on the balcony, but it is a good height up
not sure if I would let a cat out on the Balcony unsupervised if I stayed on the first floor tho

( it's even better when you have two )

Trust me, I'd love as many cats as possible!

I suppose as all my cats have been able to access outside, having a solely indoor cat seems strange to me! But if they have enough stimulation and interaction then I'm sure they'd thrive just as well as a cat allowed outside.

xx

Stuart · « **Reply #5 on:** May 21, 2009, 16:01:04 PM »

I stay in a second floor flat, hence all of mine have been indoor, I also let them out on the balcony, but it is a good height up
not sure if I would let a cat out on the Balcony unsupervised if I stayed on the first floor tho

I remember years ago
my neighbours who stayed below me had a Siamese, I got a knock on my door one day, and he asked me if I had seen Her ??
apparently she must have jumped off the balcony, and was never seen again

Cats who stay inside adapt pretty well to their environment, and with plenty of toys and interacting with them, they can have
normal happy life ( it's even better when you have two

)

isabella · « **Reply #4 on:** May 21, 2009, 16:00:05 PM »

Hey,

Thanks for your quick replies!

I have contacted a few places regarding fostering, but like you said, the balcony was the main issue, plus the fact that the types of cats needing foster homes would be cats that need help being socialised etc. If I'm honest, I really wouldn't have time to do that, as much as I'd love to! And OH wouldn't be able to handle it either especially if there were nervous/anxous cats. As regards OH, he's actually fine with cats being around, but he's not the type of guy that will cuddle them etc (although if we got a really affectionate cat I can see this changing) he'll be happy with a cat that just does it's own thing.

As regards the balcony, this is my main worry. How can a balcony be secured?

xx

Angiew · « **Reply #3 on:** May 21, 2009, 15:54:32 PM »

It is a decision you should think very carefully about. It really is not fair to get a cat if you do not think you can commit to it for the whole of its life. So if hubby is not really keen then I would advise against it.

As far as the balcony is concerned, I would not home to a flat that did not have the balcony secured to prevent a cat from jumping. It sounds cruel but having just nursed poor Ebony who was paralysed in her back legs (though this was probably a tumour) it would be horrible to let the cat live with the danger of damage.

If your hubby is not sure then perhaps fostering would be the way to go in the first instance, though again you would either have to secure the balcony or not allow the cat onto the balcony, either way you are looking at getting some screens.

Also, an older cat is the way to go, as at least then you can know its temperament before you get it.

The other option of course is to volunteer at a local rescue so that you can have as much cat interaction as you want and not have to take them home.

Dawn F · « **Reply #2 on:** May 21, 2009, 15:46:23 PM »

maybe you could consider fostering (although I don't think they'd like the tray on the balcony idea!!) it might be a way of breaking your oh in gently

isabella · « **Reply #1 on:** May 21, 2009, 15:40:40 PM »

Hi everyone,

This is my first post here, so I'll introduce myself and my history and my problem too!

I'm a 23 year old married woman, and I love cats so much. I had a gorgeous tabby cat when I was younger, he had the most wonderful personality. We visted Wood Green and he strolled right up to us and wouldn't let us go! He was so friendly and playful, yet he was never spiteful or nasty. My sister and I really loved playing with him and while he was happy to be independant, he just loved cuddling us too. He sadly died of stomach cancer at 9 years old. We decided to put him to sleep as he was in so much pain.

After I got married, and despite my husband being very nevous around cats, he got me two tortie kittens! They were gorgeous and bundles of fun, but poor hubby couldn't cope with their playfulness (climbing the curtains, etc etc. So we gave them away.

After a year or two, we rescued another cat. He was a huge thing, bigger than the foxes that lived around us! He loved being outside and catching mice. He was very docile at times, but was never a lap cat. He was also quite spiteful and hated cuddles. But he was gorgeous and loved playing and hunting. Unfortunately, we moved into a flat and he wasn't happy about that. So we rehomed him.

We're now in out flat and have been settled for two years now. And I really miss having a cat around. Thier friendship is somehting you just can't get anywhere else.

The only problems I have are:

1. Hubby.

Now his family hates animals. They can't understand that animals can be peaceful and nice to have around. They see animals as only being fit for purpose (eg a cat is for catching mice not for cuddles) Now OH has changed a little bit, and will tolerate having a pussy cat (and will actually play with them when he thinks I'm not looking!) but he's still quite anxious around them.

2. Flat

We live in a first floor flat with a little balcony. I'd love to keep a litter tray out there and food etc. We never use the balcony, so it can be a little source of peace and quite for the potential new member. But I'm worried about it jumping off and hurting itself or not being able to get back inside. Also, I'm worried about keeping a cat indoors the whole time.

3. Me!

I'd love another cat like my first one. A sociable, friendly cat, who loves to play and loves cuddles. I work one day a week, from 9am til 8pm, am at home two days a week and are very local the other day. We do go away quite a bit, but my sister can feed and look after him/her when we're away, she's a cat lover too.

Is it ideal getting another cat? And what type of cat would be ideal in this situation?

Any help would be great. If we get a cat it will be after our month's holiday in November, so we have lots of time to look for the perfect companion.

xx

Author Topic: Advice needed please re: rehoming in a flat... (Read 6540 times)