In the fall of 2002 Itchy became ill and could not eat solid food. He spent many days in the hospital getting x-rays, blood tests and several GI barium series. We found he had a stricture (thickened almost totally closed off area) in his duodenum (the section that connects the stomach to the intestinal tract), which had to be removed or Itchy could no longer get food past it and he would die. Of course we had it removed, which was a most invasive surgery, having to cut his whole belly open. A 2 to 3 inch section of his duodenum was removed and it with several biopsies taken. Itchy would take over 2 months to heal and recover from the surgery. The results of the biopsies came and the news was not good, Itchy had lymphosarcoma (type of cancer). The decision was made to start chemo as soon as he was recovered from the surgery and was started in November of 2002. Itchy went to the hospital each week for the chemo sessions and we had to give him several medications daily. The hope was to put him in remission. We encountered several problems along the way over the next year (diabetes) and finally in December 2003 we discontinued the chemo and Itchy was believed to be in full remission. Over the next 2 months all his fur and whiskers grew back and he began be his old self.
In February Itchy began to have some rather odd colored stools and they were very large. As the vet and I tried to figure out if it was his IBD flaring up, his toxoplasmosis, or his diet, Itchy began to drink a lot more water. Diabetes (he developed it during chemo) or thyroids floated to the top of the list and more direct tests were made. Itchy began to eat a lot more food and lose weight be then, and by April had dropped from 12lbs to 8lbs. Blood work and his history were sent to specialists and after 10 days of careful diagnosis the consensus was that his cancer was back and was destroying his intestine's ability to get nutrients and water from his food. This was why Itchy was now drinking so much and eating so much. 4 cats worth of daily food intake was giving him almost nothing. He was eating wildly and slowly starving to death.
The decision was made not to do a chemo rescue protocol, as the odds were low that it would even work and the cancer had already caused the loss of intestinal function that could not be recovered. We decided to start a new therapy called PolyMVA on April 30th. Itchy was continuing his decline, but fighting all the way.
I had given Donna a paw print frame of Electra Christmas 2003, and I decided I wanted one for/of Itchy, so on May 3rd I went to the catalog where I first ordered the paw print frame, but they no longer carried it! They would not tell me who made them and we had thrown out the box in December! Realizing that Itchy's days were numbered I spent 2 days franticly trying to find the frames, but I did not even know the name of the frames at that point. On May 7th I found them at a fairly well known site and ordered one and paid for over night shipping, which ended up costing me more than the frame. It did not matter as I would have paid any amount to get the frame quickly. The frame came in on May 11th and that evening my Donna and I made the impressions of his paws.
At 1:30am May 12th, less than 6 hours after we got his impressions he suddenly got a lot worse and lost the use of his back legs. He was trying to stand but would fall over and I was in tears and panicking. I stayed up with Itchy all night, telling him how much I love him and how special he is. When he needed to use the litter box I would pick him up and hold him over the box and he went. When he wanted water I would hold him over the fountain he used and he drank. I was crying my eyes out all night. The fight was ending and you could see the flame was leaving his eyes. It was the worst and hardest night of my life, yet I was praying it would never end since I knew what had to be done in the morning. We took him in his covered bed to the vet's and we spend a while with Itchy crying so hard it hurt. At 9:10am on May 12th, the doctor allowed my dear sweet Itchy to leave. Itchy turned his head towards me and looked right in my eyes and he was gone. (just telling the story has caused me to start crying, as it has been over 4.5 years) A large piece of my soul was ripped from me that cold and sad morning.
I wrote this letter to Itchy about 10 days before he left us. I read it to him on the bed that night...
My dear sweet Itchy,
You have touched my life more than you or I could ever imagine. You brought me laughs, you brought me tears, you brought me hope, you brought me pain. Itchy, you brought me life and love.
I am unable to express with words just how deeply you touched my life, there seems to be a point where all logic and reason cease, and you entrenched yourself there, in my soul.
I remember the first time I saw you, small, scared, but full of life. You decided Hamlet was your brother and you both became inseparable from then on. At first you did not trust me, or so I thought. I now know it was just a lesson in patience, with you my teacher. As I learned each lesson you taught me over the years, I never realized what you were doing. I now see that you did teach me and kept me heavily rewarded with things far more valuable than any monitory treasures. You gave me the rewards of your love, respect, trust and friendship, all the most wondrous and richest of gifts I would have ever hoped or wished for.
Your teachings have come to an end and I know you must leave me soon. But how does one say good bye to all you have offered and shown me? You tell me I am ready, I can see it in your face, but I just cannot see it in myself. All I see now is the pain, sorrow and anger welling up, rushing to fill the void you will leave in my soul, the place you lived in my heart. I am and will drown in a sea of tears and sorrow, left with nothing I fear. My heart will hurt without you. My life will never be the same with the loss of you. I lose part of myself. My life will never be what it once was, for I will no longer have you.
With all my heart,
David
At the time I had no idea how much pain was about to befall us here. Later the same month on May 27th we lost ^Copycat^ (and the state vet and CDC became involved) and then on May 29th we lost ^Electra^. Those will be posted another day.
I more than know the pain of losing a loved pet, and wanted to tell others who are discovering the pain or who have also suffered it, there are others out here who know what you are going though and if you ever need to talk to some one about it there are many of us on this board who will listen and cry with you. Please take care.
Sincerely,
David and the CoolCyberCats
