Somewhat disturbed I have read this thread even though I have little to no advice. What is it with the Brits and bodily functions?!
Anyway, butternut squash is readily available, I often get it from Tescos to make soup, yummy. They also have seasonal varieties in sometimes.
Hopefully I have helped a little. I'm off to look at cats playing with balls of string or something now and stop looking in all the pooh and fart threads
P.S. Invest in a very good veggie peeler, the skin on pumpkins and squash is tough, oh and a good sharp knife as it is very firm flesh when raw.