hinnies so much for your posts and support.
I am ok when i don't think about my lad and sooooo much about him i will never have again.
Think my brain has had enough of crying and is protectively trying to avoid thinking of him.
Still have a shaking inside and seem to be in panic mode all the time, finding it hard to relax esp as i still worry all the time about Gizzy.
Gizzy is starting to get pretty frustrated now esp in early eve. I have been playing with him every time he wakes to try and break his habbit of going out the front but he is getting bored very easily even with diff new toys and diff games. It was sooo upsetting to see him looking so fed up last night and anything i tried to entertain him wasn't working. I have all the differnet toys and even been out hunting real feathers to use with them but I can see in his face he is sad and fed up after the initial play with a new toy. Have been rotating them too
Realized I'm not enough for him - ie to replace playing with Rio which he did alot and the hunt and diff things happening outside.
When Ochi died, i did the same with Rio ie played and gave him lots of attention and we had the closest relationship i have ever had with one of my babes but i made him very dependant on me. (Rio was never a big sleeper in the day at all and always active and loved going out the front) If i had to work most of the day (work from home so always here for him when he wanted me) i would play with him thoughout the day in shorter bursts but had to get work done so had to, at times ingnore his attention seeking, he would then go out instead. We got into a good routine so i could have a good working day and Rio was happy with me, the outside and playing with Gizzy. We all got into this routine with Gizzy mainly sleeping more than Rio in the day and in between sleeping and our games would also go out. Everyone was relaxed, content active and happy but not safe!
Trying so hard to find a happy solution and really need to to stop this panic feeling. Last night seeing him upset and bored, one thing kept coming in my head "It's not right" "it's not right" .....to stop him going out which he loves. He is only 2 years old and active. But it's also not right for being loving responsible mum of me to let him out to be killed or hurt . I would always put his happyness before mine as to have him live unhappily would me my doing as it was my choice to adopt him in the 1st place. It's a no win situation and soo hard.
It's like i can't rest or be calm inside till i find a solution, So i really need your thoughts, This is where i am at:-
-He is getting bored with what he has. I know now i am not enough for him, for the rest of his life to entertain him all the time kept inside / garden only to have a happy content life for many years.
-The garden is not big enough to entertain himself on his own even though it has lots of tunnels,pond, posts etc for him.
-If i let him out as he is used to for over a year (even if i restrict his out times), he is in danger of the road.
- Gizzy hates anything touching his back and gives you a slap if you do, so cant use a harness to take him out.
-He has always had the company of another cat to play with and now he is on his own.
Poss solutions?
- Still keep Gizzy indoor / garden only and see if he will except a playmate who would also be indoor / garden only to help entertain him. This does scare me cause it took Rio a long while to introduce Gizzy and Rio used to go out alot to escape the intruder in his home. If Gizzy feels the same, he his now not allowed out so would be trapped with no outlet (like Rio had) from the intruder in his core territory. This could cause him more unhappyness and may not solve is love of the outside anyway. (to bring another babe in to this area and to let them have freedom would mean a short life so would only have another babe if indoor only)
- Let Gizzy go out at very restricted times once or twice and be an only cat.
Whatcha think or any other thoughts?