Feels like I've lost 2 cats

[madkittyrescue]

So sorry to hear your news Barney... heartbreaking even to read and I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

As the others have said the groups dynamic has changed and they need to sort out for themselves who will be top cat.  Regardless of how humans want them all to be 'equal' we cannot look at cats as humans.  In cat society there will always be a top cat.

Once they have grieved and /or refound their place in the family grouping things will settle down again.  Just try not to treat them any different in the meantime.  I know its hard especially when you are grieving...  we're all here to offer support and a sounding board should you need to vent.

 Your all  in our thoughts.

Sxx

[Ralph's mum (angie)]

Barney sorry to hear your sad news 

  Teejay Nite NIte xx

[Gillian Harvey]

So sorry to hear about Teejay, feel so sad for you  collecting the ashes is a really emotional time too. As others have mentioned, the dynamics of the household have changed and they are also picking up on your grief - so the rescue remedy and feliway, as suggested, might help to ease the situation at the moment.

[barney]

Thank you for your kind words. This evening I went to collect Teejays ashes and bought her back home which has been a bit emotional with me getting upset again. I just want Bigears to feel that this is her home, rather than staying confined to one room away from everyone. As I don't want any of the cats thinking that one is above the other, here they are all equal and I certainly won't tolerate bullying from any of them. Once again thanks this is a photo of Teejay and Bigears which is how they were all the time. It's just so heart wrenching.

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[chris91011]

Barny,
so very sorry to hear this, i have just read the thread and it's so so sad---- (((((hugs))))))to you, chin up!


RIP Teejay

[claws n purrs]

Oh Barney, what an awful thing to happen! It's bad enough to lose a feline friend in any circumstances but your story is just so sad and the loss must feel so much more acute for you. Big  to you.

Remember how much you loved, and still love, Teejay and gave her a wonderful life before this terrible accident. It's great that you also gave a home to Molly when her future was so bleak.

From the sounds of it, your cats are adjusting to a new hierarchy and it might take some time but they will sort themselves out eventually. It might not be an ideal scenario in the end but at least they all have a home and someone who cares deeply for them.

RIP Teejay.

[lucy]

So sorry about Teejay.

[Maddiesmum]

That is so sad.  Your other cats will probably know that you are feeling sad and stressed and can sense things are different.  I would give them time to settle and try some Feliway

[sheryl]

Barney, my heart goes out to you - it must be an experience that haunts you.  Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better at the moment and time really does heal, we are all here if you need to chat.

Regarding your other babies they will be confused and grieving but Im sure that given time they will all settle down, they will be picking up on your emotions of sadness too.

Thinking of you xxx

RIP Teejay - play hard at the bridge little one - send your Daddy a rainbow to let him know you arrived safely.

[unseeliechylde]

Oh that's so awful - you must be devastated!   to you and your furbabes at this difficult time.
Everyone here is right - it takes time, for all of you to mourn, and for the fluffies to sort things out now their beloved boss-cat is gone. I know what you mean, though - we recently got Skye as a friend for my darling boy, Riley, and though there were no major problems, he just wasn't himself for ages, and would pick on her a lot (he still does, but not so badly). I felt terrible - I began to regret getting Skye, even though she is the sweetest girl ever. I felt like I had ruined things for Riley, and doomed poor Skye to a life of persecution.
Thankfully, things are now a lot better (though still a little volatile at times), and they now get on really well most of the time, but there's still some settling down and further negotiations to be done - and this after nearly 2 months.
Give yourself, and the furbabes, time - as long as it takes, and in the meantime rescue remedy and feliway should help.
I hope things settle down soon, and furry headbutts to all of you

[blackcat]

Teejay I know how you feel. Many years ago I came home at dusk and hit my beloved Reynard on my way up the drive. I could not find him in the dark and spent hours out looking for him and knocking up the neighbours. The next morning when I woke up and looked out the window, the first thing I say was his body. I picked him up, thinking he had been hit by a car and the driver had placed him there, but was so overwrought i sat down beside my car to sob. It was then that I noticed the fleck of blood on the wheel of the car. I fell apart so badly I could not go to work for three days, and even then I was a wreck. As the others have said, the dynamics change in the household once a key member is lost, some will mourn, and others will try to take advantage and gain status, it is normal. Use Feliway and give your self forgiveness for feeling resentment for the ones who are left - it is a normal part of the grieving process. But don't act in haste, because it will all work out in the end - it always does.

[smudgepickles]

Oh Barney I'm so sorry for your loss,    my heart goes out to you    :(I'm sure Teejay will send you a rainbow soon..........

Its only normal for them to be acting this way, cats grieve too and even if you think there are ones that were not their friends they will be missing her too. They will soon sort out a pecking order the rescue remedy does work so I would give that a try

In the meantine look after yourself too

Take care

Helen
xx

RIP Teejay play hard at the bridge darling

[Yvonne]

Hi Barney so sorry to hear about Teejay, you must be mortified

The group will sort themselves out eventually just give it time

    Teejay

[Sam (Fussy_Furball)]

Hi Barney,

So sorry to hear about Teejay.  As you say she was obviously Topcat and now the others are just having to sort out who will step into her shoes.

The whole dynamic of the group will have changed and they need to sort it out.

In the meantime while they are sorting themselves out I would suggest adding a couple of drops of Bachs Rescue remedy to their drinking water and maybe installing a couple of Feliway plug-ins to help calm everyone and hopefully restore the harmony.

RIP Teejay ... play hard at the bridge littl eone until it's time for Daddy to come and collect you 

[barney]

Hi again, recently 10 days ago in fact I ran over my beautiful cat and friend Teejay and killed her. I still cannot stop crying about it, I've gone to sleep crying and I've woke up crying about her and I would give everything up just to have one more day with her. Anyway 2 years ago I bought this house so she could have a garden and last year I bought her a kitten "Bigears" to keep her company while I was at work, they got on so well together running around chasing each other even sleeping in the same bed as each other. Everything seemed just perfect and I just wanted to be at home with these 2 balls of fluff.
Moving on to February of this year, a stray cat now named Mollie ended up in my garden with a broken leg, to cut a long story short the RSPCA wanted to put her to sleep, I wasn't having this and spoke to my vet who is absolutly brilliant and he said he could fix her but it would be costly, so I footed the bill (nearly £1200) and looked after her and took her in, again everything was fine and all 3 cats got on ok, but during the period she was housebound with a pin and her leg in plaster she came into season, let herself out the front door and all the Toms in the neighbourhood were lining up in the garden to have there way with her. Which takes us up to May and she has 6 kittens, I was adament that the kittens would only go to good vetted homes so 2 nurses at the vets had a kitten each and the cats protection found a teacher who adopted a brother and sister together. The other 2 I kept which I named Barney and Toffee. I had Mollie, Barney, and Toffee neutered or spayed and micro chiped others were already done, again everything was fine in the house and everything was perfect and I use to love coming home. Teejay was leader of the pack you could see it clearly in who ruled the roost, now after this tragedy I hate coming home, I've had Bigears who didn't see the accident sitting in the exact spot where poor Teejay died constantly meowing even in the rain she just sat there till I bought her indoors. But my concern is over the rescue cat Mollie who wants to be leader, she keeps turning on poor Bigears who I now have to feed outside, if one is upstairs the other is downstairs if they meet we get into howling matches at each other. As nasty as it sounds I am now starting to resent the fact that I helped Mollie in the first place, it's not as though you get any affection from her she just eats, sleeps and craps. I just do not want to lose Bigears and that is what it feels like at the moment is happening any advice would be welcome. Thanks.   




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