Topic: Neko- 1 year (Read 26088 times)

alisonandarchie · « **Reply #73 on:** March 06, 2017, 15:31:53 PM »

Thinking of you and understand

Judecat (Paula) · « **Reply #72 on:** February 21, 2017, 00:17:16 AM »

Snarf, it is about 16 years since I lost my Mogwai to an RTA, my Troubles Mum. Sometimes when I sit on the bed I still feel her nudging me for affection, I feel like Trouble, Jude, Cassie, and innumerable other cats are just there, waiting. I have young cats now, but I rehomed a lot of cats that I had for a matter of months as they were elderly with health problems. They are still in my heart. It is true what they say, you can never replace that love, your heart just expands to allow more love.

Sorry, I am not as eloquent as Sue P.

But I have lost too many cats, they don't ever leave you, but the pain does lessen a bit year on year.

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #71 on:** February 20, 2017, 20:28:22 PM »

ONE THING IS TRUE AND HAVE THE SAME MYSELF, WHEN YOU LOOK BACK AT PICS YOU SEE THINGS THAT YOU DIDNT AT THE TIME,

I THINK ITS BECAUSE ON THE WHOLE CHANGES HAPPEN QUITE SLOWLY SO ITS ONLY IN RETROSPECT YOU CAN SEE THEM.

I UNDERTAND SO WELL THOUGH AND A YEAR IS STILL A SHORT TIME TO RECOVER FROM THE GRIEF, IT CANNTAKE YEARS AND EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT

NEKO IS WATCHING OVER YOU.

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #70 on:** February 20, 2017, 20:10:59 PM »

Snarf, I dont know if it's denial, or whether we just invest so much emotion that it clouds our judgment.

Either way, you loved Neko. Love is never a poor currency, even in those circumstances where illness separates us from one another. He's still snuggling with his Mum, just with the lightest of touches.

Dawn F · « **Reply #69 on:** February 20, 2017, 19:10:47 PM »

snarf · « **Reply #68 on:** February 20, 2017, 19:09:03 PM »

A year ago Yesterday since Neko left me to go to the bridge, I still can't nap without my nap buddy. We used to have the most refreshing naps imaginable together, neko sprawled down my front, under a blanket. he was so long his feet would be by my knees, his front paw usually poking me in the face.

I still miss him so much

Ive been watching all my videos of him today and seeing him go from his prime to the end. I cant believe i didnt see how ill he was in the weeks leading up. In and out of the vets and still in denial.

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #67 on:** July 14, 2016, 19:55:27 PM »

This is so sad and like the others I totally understand

I get upset before every anniversary and one in a week or so.

This will be Kockas 11th year on the Bridge and it does get easier but can take a long time. After Kocka I also used Blue Cross and like Alison emailed them as I could not talk.

It was also how I found Cat Chat by accident and then helped to start Purrs so a silver lining.

The rainbows sound wonderful and Neko has done so well sending so many but seeing the first one is heartbreaking and Kockas appeared over her grave and have a picture.

Napoleon sent me a massive one just as I was heading into Tescos and the end was so close I could have driven onto it.

I dont think it hurts to shed a few tears even in years gone by, its all in honour of them, we remember them all and Neko will always be paddling away in your heart

snarf · « **Reply #66 on:** July 13, 2016, 21:45:26 PM »

thank you guys

it helps to be understood

ill contact bluecross

im very lucky that i have literally hundreds of photos and a few very precious videos- one of Neko purring and paddling away on me- and in every one he looks happy and there are so many of us together. i guess ive been trying to block out how ill he was at the end

Judecat (Paula) · « **Reply #65 on:** July 12, 2016, 18:25:49 PM »

Honestly Snarf, it does get easier, and sometimes it hits you in the chops again. My Trouble's white rose put out it's first bloom today. It was three days before last Christmas I had him PTS as his kidneys were failing, there were other things I could have tried, but when I asked the vet her honest opinion, she said I would be doing it more for my sake than his and that she thought he was ready to go. Bawling now thinking about it.

We do the best we can, they know we love them. That is the best we can do Honey. Please take care. Thinking of you.

Paula xxx

Lyn (Slugsta) · « **Reply #64 on:** July 12, 2016, 12:54:17 PM »

Snarf

alisonandarchie · « **Reply #63 on:** July 12, 2016, 07:55:43 AM »

Understand what you are going through

The Blue Cross bereavement service is just wonderful. You can talk to them but I found emailing better then you can get every thing down and have something to read back

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-support

I agree with Sue too

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #62 on:** July 12, 2016, 05:52:42 AM »

Sweetheart.

what we as human slaves find hardest to bear is accepting that sometimes, doing nothing is the wisest choice. Don't second guess yourself or Neko. You loved Neko with all your heart. Cats live in the moment, a lesson we could do well to learn but seldom succeed in doing. I wouldn't say it gets easier, but the remembering gets softer, gentler.

snarf · « **Reply #61 on:** July 11, 2016, 22:57:20 PM »

I'm struggling today...almost 5 months on

We finally put the cat proofing for the garden up this weekend. The kits love it, and the weather has been great for them but its bitter sweet as this was always something we wanted for Neko. We should have had vaccination appointments today for 2 of ours. Theyre overdue and ive been putting them off as the smell of vets reminds me soo much of Neko at the end and then they called today to say our regular lovely vet couldnt keep the appointment but the blunt one that told me Neko was dying (in the same way you would tell someone their meter needed reading) could... we have rearranged instead.

Neko sent his first rainbow when i was on my way to work. right in from of me and over a grey cloud. Then a few weeks ago, I was driving back from stoke after buying a new (used) car (something i couldnt afford to do when i was paying for all Nekos food and meds) and it was literally rainbow after rainbow all the way down the a50 (about 40minutes) and i sobbed the whole way.

I miss him so much and i keep thinking that there should have been something i could do. what if we hadnt been in the process of moving, could i have gotten him eating? Why didnt we try sub-cut fluids? Why, in the weeks before, when he was in an out of the vets didnt any of the vets mention that this could be the end? Did he give up? Did i give up?

I know everyone here has been through this, does it get easier to bear?

Sorry for wallowing

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #60 on:** March 08, 2016, 14:38:43 PM »

You are very welcome and although very sad for me its answers the questions.

I know what you mean about the fur

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #59 on:** March 08, 2016, 12:10:54 PM »

Thinking of you, treasure

Tigerlily (Allison) · « **Reply #58 on:** March 07, 2016, 20:05:01 PM »

snarf · « **Reply #57 on:** March 07, 2016, 19:46:29 PM »

Thank you for that link Gill, its a lovely story and its a choice i would make over again.

I still cant get my head around it. if i dont think about that last day i can believe hes just somewhere else. He was only in this house for 2 weeks so there's nowhere we expect to see him. his fur isn't everywhere. although we still find plenty of it

a few months after he arrived i started buying clothes in grey as it was easier to blend in with him than to try to keep his fur off my clothes. Im happy when I find a fur now

3 weeks ago he was asleep on my lap while i waited for the call with his blood results

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #56 on:** February 25, 2016, 14:12:06 PM »

It took Ducha a year to learn to send a rainbow and was all broken up but he can do it now.

So agree he will send a message that you will understand

Sootyca · « **Reply #55 on:** February 24, 2016, 23:30:26 PM »

I never had a rainbow from my "stray" Ginger. Not that I necessarily believe in it. What I did have shortly after his final journey was a very vivid dream and he was there in glorious colour and back to full health - I had never dreamt of him before or after that. I was worried that I had given up on him too early but rightly or wrongly, that reassured me.

He will send you his own message that you will understand - be it a rainbow or something else.

snarf · « **Reply #54 on:** February 24, 2016, 21:46:07 PM »

Quote from: Gill (sneakiefeline) on February 22, 2016, 21:30:01 PM

On its way and hope he learns how to send you rainbow soon

he'll have been distracted by something shiny

Thank you Sue, i saw the big, low, pink moon tonight and thought of Neko.

i still dont really believe it all... He could be asleep somewhere or at the vets. I keep panicing that ive missed his meds.

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #53 on:** February 23, 2016, 07:10:16 AM »

There was a beautiful moon this morning in a deep dark velvet sky. I thought of you Snarf, and of Neko, and I offered up a blessing for you both.

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #52 on:** February 22, 2016, 21:30:01 PM »

On its way and hope he learns how to send you rainbow soon

snarf · « **Reply #51 on:** February 22, 2016, 20:26:00 PM »

Thank you Gill, can you transfer please.

I was telling him all about rainbow bridge before

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #50 on:** February 22, 2016, 18:19:58 PM »

RIP little Neko you were so much loved and have left a Purr in your humans heart.

If you would like me to transferbthis thread to Rainbow Bridge let me know

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #49 on:** February 22, 2016, 05:45:09 AM »

I do apologise, Snarf - kindle predictive text often sabotaged my posts, but am glad on this occasion it raised a smile.

So pleased Neko is now home again.

Tigerlily (Allison) · « **Reply #48 on:** February 21, 2016, 20:14:12 PM »

So sad for you Snarf

Tiggy's Mum · « **Reply #47 on:** February 21, 2016, 17:00:34 PM »

Just adding my

Such a special boy

I've made sure to give the boys an extra hug after hearing about Neko - Riley is undoubtedly a burden, but one that I'm so grateful to have

Sootyca · « **Reply #46 on:** February 21, 2016, 11:13:20 AM »

One day the beautiful memories will overcome the sad "never again" moments.

snarf · « **Reply #45 on:** February 21, 2016, 10:50:16 AM »

Thank you

i have been reading, just wasnt quite up to responding

Quote from: Sue P (Paddysmum) on February 20, 2016, 20:34:37 PM

Scarf

this did make me smile Sue

Thank you Gill, i might save that for abit further down the line to read, i feel like an exposed nerve right now

Thank you Tigerlily for sharing the rest of the poem

thank you Slugsta, Nicola, Dawn, Sootyca. it helps to be able to be able to share this

Quote from: Sue P (Paddysmum) on February 19, 2016, 06:53:58 AM

Someone asked of me recently if I'd known that I would only have a year, two years, three years with any of the cats who'd graced my life, would I have walked past them and chosen differently, or turned them away from my heart. I scarcely had to consider my answer, which was a resounding No. Nor do I believe you would choose to have walked away from Neko.

You will miss Neko. His absence will be a huge hole in your life. But you will honour him too, and you will keep his memories safe, and that will have made his life - however short - worthwhile.

Im sorry you had such a short time with some of your furry family Sue

you are so right Sue, never, I will always feel lucky to have known him.

Our vet said on friday that he had done really well- 3 years since his kidneys were diagnosed and that they hadnt expected him to make it through the seizures.

I know we did everything we could for him. Our entire life has been arranged around his needs, His requirements were a must when we looked at houses. we have never not done anything the vet has suggested. if anything, our other cats were a bit squashed by him

I know he had a good life, there was always so much joy in his face and i dont think cats really have a concept of a "long" life or a "short" life. I am sure he knew how much I loved him and I know he loved me.

Friday was horrible but he made it without any pain i think. he was going downhill though, just staring into his water sometimes.

We took him ourselves to a local pet crematorium friday afternoon- they only do individual cremations and because of their size we could have him back yesterday. I didnt want to leave him anywhere and i had promised him he wouldnt have to go to the vets or in the carrier again.

Hes now home again and i feel better for that. The lady at the crematorium was lovely and let me ramble on for ages telling stories about him.

It still hasn't really hit me yet and I cant think about friday morning or lunchtime. or his last few days really.

I just miss him so much, he was also so happy to see me. He used to leap at me when I first came home and id have to catch him at chest height (if you didnt he'd drag himself up to my shoulder) and then hed rub his head all over my head and shoulders, purring and rolling over. Just the sight of him always made me smile, or more often laugh. coming home from work tomorrow is going to be very upsetting i think. I cant think about all the "never agains"

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #44 on:** February 20, 2016, 20:34:37 PM »

Scarf, thinking of you.

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #43 on:** February 20, 2016, 15:58:27 PM »

Just to echo what Sue said, this really sums it up but you will need to be very strong to read it, its the first post on this thread and very beautiful and explains so well

http://www.purrsinourhearts.co.uk/index.php/topic,45814.0.html

Tigerlily (Allison) · « **Reply #42 on:** February 19, 2016, 21:29:12 PM »

snarf, my quote comes from this poem

If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
I’d walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again

No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why

My heart still aches in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know

But now I know you want me
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store

Since you'll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart
Is where you'll always stay

Sending lots of

to you tonight.

Lyn (Slugsta) · « **Reply #41 on:** February 19, 2016, 18:08:11 PM »

You are in my thoughts

Nicola (RockysMum) · « **Reply #40 on:** February 19, 2016, 11:53:29 AM »

Thinking of you today

Sue put it beautifully, and I echo what she said. There are no mistakes. And if Neko could talk, he would only ever talk about how much you loved him and what a wonderful life you've given him

Dawn F · « **Reply #39 on:** February 19, 2016, 08:24:53 AM »

thinking of you today, so glad that yesterday was everything you hoped for

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #38 on:** February 19, 2016, 06:53:58 AM »

Snarf, I'm so pleased yesterday was special. idyllic in fact - they're the memories you need to hold fast to, and treasure.

Please listen to me a second. Mistakes? Everyone makes them. It's what we learn from that counts.

Cats don't judge us in petty human ways. They judge us by the love we give, the security we provide within their requirements, and the freedoms we respect them with. Someone asked of me recently if I'd known that I would only have a year, two years, three years with any of the cats who'd graced my life, would I have walked past them and chosen differently, or turned them away from my heart. I scarcely had to consider my answer, which was a resounding No. Nor do I believe you would choose to have walked away from Neko.

You will miss Neko. His absence will be a huge hole in your life. But you will honour him too, and you will keep his memories safe, and that will have made his life - however short - worthwhile.

I'm sending you both my love, and my thoughts. Draw strength from the last kindness that you give to your beautiful, beautiful Neko. When he comes home again, it will help.

Safe journey Neko. x

Gill (sneakiefeline) · « **Reply #37 on:** February 19, 2016, 04:20:31 AM »

Memories to treasure

snarf · « **Reply #36 on:** February 19, 2016, 03:12:27 AM »

We had a lovely day together, a couple of long naps and belly rubs and lots of hours in the sunshine. Neko managed to dip not 2 but 3 legs in the pond

and ate lots of grass ( and licked lots of crazy pacing but we will ignore that for now) out in the garden his tail goes up

it was still a little cold and after a while i thought his feet might be feeling it so i picked him up and sat him on my lap outside- every time i did this, hed rub his head briefly on an arm in acknowledgment and wed sit together in the sun and the lovely breeze. Hes started eating his renal dry food again. Im glad i was pre-warned about this improvement. its been lovely to have him back more for a day. we played a little and cuddled lots

I rang the crematorium yesterday to find out the procedure- we can let the vets do this but i cant bear the idea of putting him back into a cat carrier or giving him back to the vets, even if briefly and i was ok until she asked his age.

I'm not too bad now- i know I've done everything i can. looking back through his old things has reminded me that 6 years would have been considered good for him early on- he's never been expected to live a full lifespan but i guess at some point i convinced myself otherwise. the curve in his spine was discovered to be from fused vertabrae in october. at some point these would have caused problems, not to mention the epilepsy. I feel strongly that Neko understands the mistakes I've made and forgives me. I know ive always done the best with the information i had at the time and i'm not beating myself up about not knowing the future (yet). but i know i will miss him so much, im not sure how i will be after he's gone. I'm going to collect and organise all the hundreds of photos of him and videos of him and try to write down everything i can think of that made him him and every story i can find. We got professional photos done about a year ago too- luckily hes a poser!

I found a great video of him purring and paddling on me like a lunatic from the christmas before the seizures, the healthiest he's been

Thanks for listening and responding, it really helps.

I love your quote Tigerlilly

Sootyca · « **Reply #35 on:** February 18, 2016, 20:47:41 PM »

Hope you have had a lovely day together and hope all goes well tomorrow.

Sue P (Paddysmum) · « **Reply #34 on:** February 18, 2016, 20:35:20 PM »

You're in our thoughts tonight.

Author Topic: Neko- 1 year (Read 26088 times)