Author Topic: Can't cope anymore! Exhausted, and worried about Oscar. Is my cat stressed, lonely, OCD? Please help  (Read 7063 times)

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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 :evillaugh: :evillaugh:  Oh Andrew.  That reminds me that Moray was jumping in a cardboard box I had some cuttings in at the weekend.  He was by far the bonniest flower amongst them.   :evillaugh:

Offline hollycat

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Hi and welcome. Great advice from Sue and the gang.
Does Oscar have plenty to do when you are at work, cat trees, boxes and toys? Housecats need lots of stimulation when alone, they may sleep a lot or choose to play. All cats love boxes, get a couple, seal one up and cut holes in either and so he can run in and out or just in. leave one box open so he can just jump in it and sit there staring into space (as they do), or put a ping pong ball in it.
I have two house cats, Astrophe and Zoonie, 2 year old twins. They have so many toys and things to climb on, 6 cat trees at last count and another I the process of being made by me.

Offline souffle

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I don't feed soley raw. They have some meals all raw and some meals are the whiskas pouches. They love the raw best and growl to keep their own dish. I find they flop and rest to digest the raw food!
I think some of the dry stuff has appetite stimulators in it that makes they wild for the stuff. Ours get a few bits as a treat and to get them where we want them to be but they know the cupboard and stand by it howling for more.
This is worth a watch as to why they like little and often meals
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI8NsYIyQ2A
souf by Lynne Blair, on Flickr

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Unfortunately I don't have the resources available to venture into the raw meat sector, though I believe those who've tried it on here have had good success rates with it.

I feed ours mainly wet with some dried to supplement by way of "snacks" (our two youngest are under a year and still growing). 

Good idea about the back yard arrangement. 

Offline jpmad4it

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Great advice from sue p - something that struck me is the feeder situation. I think maybe he is waking up for 2am and 5am feeds and his body is now programmed to expect these? I would try and wean him off night feeds to see if he will sleep through. Like a baby. He doesn't need these feeds really does he and if he can be reprogrammed to not expect them by removing the feeder it would be better. Digestive system being on constant food alert isn't great for it as it needs a break to process stuff. Would you consider feeding some raw? It does tend to fill them up more and allow a time when they feel full and settle better.
I also think that him being a house cat now is likely meaning he has no outlet for his energies and less opportunities to have fun and run around as well as the stimulation of a hunt and yes even a scrap with the other cats! Maybe taking him out on a harness a bit for a play?
I hope you can rearrange his body clock and get him more settled.
My two are quite beggy cats too and I also made the mistake of effectively rewarding them for howling and begging by feeding them. I now keep them to a strict feeding regime because I know it is me. They only beg from me. Never bother my hubby as they know he won't give them anything!  :P

Thanks for the advice.  :thanks:

I am planning on trying to wean him off the food at night, and I'm looking into getting my back yard modified so that it will keep Oscar in the yard and keep other cats out of the yard. At least then he can get some fresh air, some stimulation, and play in the yard. And he has a toilet outside too!

I've also been looking into ordering some trial frozen raw food online just to try it. Raw is the best way to go to keep them fuller for longer! Do you feed your cats just raw meat, or give them grain-free wet food too?

 :)


Offline souffle

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Great advice from sue p - something that struck me is the feeder situation. I think maybe he is waking up for 2am and 5am feeds and his body is now programmed to expect these? I would try and wean him off night feeds to see if he will sleep through. Like a baby. He doesn't need these feeds really does he and if he can be reprogrammed to not expect them by removing the feeder it would be better. Digestive system being on constant food alert isn't great for it as it needs a break to process stuff. Would you consider feeding some raw? It does tend to fill them up more and allow a time when they feel full and settle better.
I also think that him being a house cat now is likely meaning he has no outlet for his energies and less opportunities to have fun and run around as well as the stimulation of a hunt and yes even a scrap with the other cats! Maybe taking him out on a harness a bit for a play?
I hope you can rearrange his body clock and get him more settled.
My two are quite beggy cats too and I also made the mistake of effectively rewarding them for howling and begging by feeding them. I now keep them to a strict feeding regime because I know it is me. They only beg from me. Never bother my hubby as they know he won't give them anything!  :P
souf by Lynne Blair, on Flickr

Offline jpmad4it

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I think he probably runs to the food bowl because you've acknowledged "a request" which may not have been food, but food has become part of the process now. 

You could try giving him only a treat, instead of a bowl of food, then picking up a paper ball and inviting him to play, or a fishing rod style toy, and using that to engage his attention.  Or try patting your knee to see if he wants to sit near you.   Try to give him all of your time for a given period, where you focus only on him, whatever it is you do together.

One of our cats loves to spend time sitting next to me while I'm using our desktop.  He knows, if he's patient, I will always end up running a cat game, where he can chase the figures on the screen.    That way, we both get to have fun.  At first, he would be impatient and want the game straight away, but now, it's as if the anticipation makes the game even better when I run it. 

It's about finding out what subtle thing may be underlying the request for food.  As I mentioned, sometimes cats just want us to acknowledge them.  They may just want us to spend ten minutes fussing over them - not necessarily petting them, but giving them our fullest attention.  Not talking to them whilst we do something else, but focusing purely on them.  That's why I say sometimes a walk around their house with them may satisfy their need for being paid attention.    We have to try and think like our cat in order to truly understand what they want us to do.  (And blimey, that's not always easy!  :evillaugh:)

Heather's Hyper-T suggestion is worth checking out too.   Paddy, our 20 year old hyperthyroid cat used to cry lots.  He liked to be picked up and taken into the kitchen, and shown his food and encouraged to eat.

The HyperT made him frequently hungry.  He'd also had a stroke which left him deaf, and for a while that made him cry and wail - he wanted reassurance, and would always use it when he couldn't immediately see us.   We used to pick him up, and hold him with out throat resting against his neck and talk to him.  He could feel the vibrations even though he couldn't hear, and it really helped to calm him down.

Let us know how you get on.  :hug:


Thanks for all the great advice. I will definitely try to tune in to what Oscar is wanting and give him some full attention. I have a Flying Frenzy wand and he loves it :-)

I'll let you know how I get on.

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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I think he probably runs to the food bowl because you've acknowledged "a request" which may not have been food, but food has become part of the process now. 

You could try giving him only a treat, instead of a bowl of food, then picking up a paper ball and inviting him to play, or a fishing rod style toy, and using that to engage his attention.  Or try patting your knee to see if he wants to sit near you.   Try to give him all of your time for a given period, where you focus only on him, whatever it is you do together.

One of our cats loves to spend time sitting next to me while I'm using our desktop.  He knows, if he's patient, I will always end up running a cat game, where he can chase the figures on the screen.    That way, we both get to have fun.  At first, he would be impatient and want the game straight away, but now, it's as if the anticipation makes the game even better when I run it. 

It's about finding out what subtle thing may be underlying the request for food.  As I mentioned, sometimes cats just want us to acknowledge them.  They may just want us to spend ten minutes fussing over them - not necessarily petting them, but giving them our fullest attention.  Not talking to them whilst we do something else, but focusing purely on them.  That's why I say sometimes a walk around their house with them may satisfy their need for being paid attention.    We have to try and think like our cat in order to truly understand what they want us to do.  (And blimey, that's not always easy!  :evillaugh:)

Heather's Hyper-T suggestion is worth checking out too.   Paddy, our 20 year old hyperthyroid cat used to cry lots.  He liked to be picked up and taken into the kitchen, and shown his food and encouraged to eat.

The HyperT made him frequently hungry.  He'd also had a stroke which left him deaf, and for a while that made him cry and wail - he wanted reassurance, and would always use it when he couldn't immediately see us.   We used to pick him up, and hold him with out throat resting against his neck and talk to him.  He could feel the vibrations even though he couldn't hear, and it really helped to calm him down.

Let us know how you get on.  :hug:

Offline jpmad4it

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I would maybe try the "show me?" routine with Oscar.  When he cries, ask him to show you what he wants.  If you've fed him, and he still cries, ask him to show you what he wants - a session with a play toy?  A gentle stroke or cuddle time?  To use a scratching post with you watching him?  Playing with a rolled up piece of paper or a ping pong ball?   You get the idea. 

I think the change of food would be good too, and you could keep one or two treats such as "dreamies" for food rewards, maybe at playtimes.  If you can try and make those as regular as your day to day routine will allow for, it'll help settle Oscar into anticipating his "me time" more quickly.

I don't see it as a case of "giving in" to Oscar, but rather trying to work out what it could be other than food, that he wants you to share with him.  Sometimes, he may even just want you to pay attention to him, and walk round the house with him, and then go back to doing what you were doing.  the main thing in Oscar's mind will be, he got your attention, he got to spend time with you, and you did something together.  Doesn't have to make sense to us, as long as it makes sense to him. 

Does that make sense?

That makes perfect sense thanks.

I will definitely try giving him treats at play times. I never usually give him treats so hopefully it'll work well.

He does tend to cry and then run to his food bowl, so I've been assuming that he wants food. I am going to try him on a new diet, along with your treat at playtime advice :-)

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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That's helpful, thanks.

A couple of things occur to me. 

One is that some cats are just plain food-fixated.   :shify:

However, I will qualify that by saying when a cat has been living rough for some time, they can exhibit very food motivated behavior.  Usually, once they've been in a new home for a time, they become reassured that food is going to turn up regularly, and they modulate their feeding behavior again, so they become less fixated on food.

All three of my own current cats were strays, and were without food for some time.  Moray  has never been too fussed about food, but the two girls were very aggressive over food when we first adopted them, and would scrap with each other at mealtimes unless fed at opposite ends of the room.

Six months later, they're both now much more relaxed over meals and the whole "fight for food" thing has disappeared.

The second is we can often misinterpret a cat's cries for attention as requests for food.  We then feed instead of doing what the cat originally wanted (maybe because we didn't get the cat-speak and correctly interpret what our cat really wants), and so begin to perpetuate a cycle of behavior which doesn't ultimately satisfy the cat's needs, although it rewards the immediate request, if you see what I mean?

I think this has probably already occurred to you, as you recognize the issue might be more complicated than it initially appears.

My gut instinct is that what Oscar wants, is more time with you.  You're out at work all day, so he has to make the most of his time with you when you get home. 

Different cats require different levels of interaction - some like it short and sweet, some like it fast and furious, others enjoy long, lingering cuddle time (which is why we're so attractive when we're lying in bed - cats know we'll be likely to be there for a little while, we're less intimidating lying down and we often welcome time with our cats before dropping off to sleep).

Every cat we've had has enjoyed spending time with us in the bedroom at night, sleeping on the bed, sometimes waking us up to play or have cuddles in the night.  As I'm a bit of an insomniac (as are many of Purrs members - maybe it's the cats?  :evillaugh:) it doesn't bother me, but everyone is different.  Some need more uninterrupted sleep than others.

I would maybe try the "show me?" routine with Oscar.  When he cries, ask him to show you what he wants.  If you've fed him, and he still cries, ask him to show you what he wants - a session with a play toy?  A gentle stroke or cuddle time?  To use a scratching post with you watching him?  Playing with a rolled up piece of paper or a ping pong ball?   You get the idea. 

I think the change of food would be good too, and you could keep one or two treats such as "dreamies" for food rewards, maybe at playtimes.  If you can try and make those as regular as your day to day routine will allow for, it'll help settle Oscar into anticipating his "me time" more quickly.

I don't see it as a case of "giving in" to Oscar, but rather trying to work out what it could be other than food, that he wants you to share with him.  Sometimes, he may even just want you to pay attention to him, and walk round the house with him, and then go back to doing what you were doing.  the main thing in Oscar's mind will be, he got your attention, he got to spend time with you, and you did something together.  Doesn't have to make sense to us, as long as it makes sense to him. 

A long time ago, one of my cats would love to spend time with me when I was in the bath, and he'd perch on the end near the taps and just beam at me (he was a very smiley cat!).  Sometimes he'd tap the bubbles with his paw, sometimes he'd just have a leisurely wash himself.  he didn't really mind, it was just the "two of us" time that he wanted.

Does that make sense? 



Offline jpmad4it

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has he had his thyroid tested? my 2 cat who have thyroid problems were eating and eating non stop. One lost a lot of weight, the other cat put it all on.

I dont think he has, it's definitely worth getting that checked. thank you!

Offline jpmad4it

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Hi there and welcome to Purrs.    :welcome:

To help us understand the relationship you have with Oscar, can you tell us more about your average day together?  Start from when you get up, throughout the day and evening through to bedtime.  Tell us all the stages of your day together, however insignificant, as it may well help.

What do you feel is at the root of his behaviour?  Was he always food motivated or is this behaviour something which has developed since you've had him?

Hi there!

Thanks for your reply. :-)

So when I wake up he's usually with me on the bed, if not he's roaming around upstairs trying to wake me up for food.

I then get ready for work in the upstairs bathroom, and he sits at the top of the stairs waiting for me for a while, and he then goes downstairs by himself. When I'm ready I go downstairs for breakfast and he cries for food. I have my breakfast, and give Oscar his. Afterwards he gets on the window ledge and lies down, I give him a good stroke before I go to work.

When I get home from work he's usually in the window, waiting for me. As soon as enter the house he greets me and then runs into the kitchen crying for food. He has already eaten his second meal of the day at 5pm when his feeder goes round. I arrive home around 6pm, sometimes 7pm. I usually give him a handful of food.

Throughout the evening, no matter what I'm doing he will come and sit with me. He gets lots of attention, but eventually he starts pacing around and cries for more food around 8pm-9pm. If I enter the kitchen he runs to his feeder and cries. I try not to give him anything.

When I go to bed, he eventually settles down and sleeps with me. Around 3-5am he cries a lot for food. His feeder goes round at 2am and 5am for small snacks, not full meals.

I feel that the dry food may be the issue, along with me giving in to his crying and feeding him extra. I am going to try him on high quality, grain free wet food and maybe some pre-prepared raw food which can be bought online.

He has always liked his food, but the issue has worsened over the years and he has gained a lot of weight.

Offline heather sullivan

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has he had his thyroid tested? my 2 cat who have thyroid problems were eating and eating non stop. One lost a lot of weight, the other cat put it all on.

Offline Sue P (Paddysmum)

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Hi there and welcome to Purrs.    :welcome:

To help us understand the relationship you have with Oscar, can you tell us more about your average day together?  Start from when you get up, throughout the day and evening through to bedtime.  Tell us all the stages of your day together, however insignificant, as it may well help.

What do you feel is at the root of his behaviour?  Was he always food motivated or is this behaviour something which has developed since you've had him?

Offline jpmad4it

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Hi all,

I am turning to online help because I don't know who else to ask about my cat Oscar. I have read through some of the cat behavior guides here and I think the issue I am having is a lot more complex than I thought it may be.

I've had him around 6 years now. He's coming up to 8 years old. He was a rescue cat.

He was about 4.2kg when I rescued him, but now he is probably about 5.6kg and I'm concerned about his health with him being overweight.

My problem is his constant crying for food and generally causing havoc when he wants food. He can be aggressive too, grabbing my legs etc. And its not nice for him because it must be causing him stress and anxiety. Sometimes the crying goes on from when I get home in the evening all the way through to the morning when I get up for work :-(

I have had countless visits to the vets regarding this, and everything I have tried just hasn't worked:

- playing & attention only works for a while, he cries for food afterwards.
- hiding food & putting food in the things where he has to work to get it out - he just gives up and cries.
- a cat feeder which goes round at certain times.
- ignoring him - there's only so much yowling, crying & scratching I can take and this is when I give in and feed him a handful of food out of his automatic feeder. This is really bad (I know) because he will associate the feeder with me, and he knows I can give him food when he wants it. When he is crying for food he stands by his feeder, or if I enter the kitchen he will run after me and cry (his feeder is in the kitchen).
- feliway plugin to try and calm him
- I have also tried Aktivait but he won't eat the food with it mixed in. He probably would if I could mix it with cooked meat?

He has had gastro problems since I got him so the vet suggested a dry food diet, but I think that may be part of the problem. How boring must it be for him to eat the same everyday? Surely I can feed him plain cooked meats when I'm making chicken, beef, turkey, fish etc? It was the canned food from the supermarkets which was making him ill. Maybe a mixture of dry food and cooked meat? Do high protein foods fill cats up too? He is currently eating the Royal Canin Feline Satiety Support dry food, and has been for some years now. How many times should I be feeding him daily, based on the kind of food I can give him? He currently has two main meals in the morning and evening, but also two small snacks overnight.

He used to be an outdoor cat, but for the past 8 months I have been keeping him indoors. There are a lot of cats where I live, and he used to fight regularly and get minor injures which meant lots of visits to the vets. I didn't mind this too much but towards the end of last year he was badly beaten up. He had to have a lot of treatment - an operation on his paw, sedation, x-rays, anti-biotics etc and it was traumatic for him. I guess it was the final straw and I thought it was unfair of me to let him keep getting injured by other cats. His behavior hasn't worsted since I have been keeping him, but he will obliviously be getting less exercise. I play with him daily for 15 minutes, is this enough to help him lose weight? I have one of those feathers on the end of stick which he loves and a lot of other toys.

He has always been spoiled and he gets what he wants, and so my behavior has contributed towards the issue. What do I need to do to help Oscar?

My plan was to give him a variety of food (with Aktivait), lots of exercise and ignore him when he cries and NOT give in. I just don't want him to think I'm being cruel by ignoring him.

If anyone can help or has any suggestions I would really appreciate it.

Please feel free to ask me any questions if it will help you understand Oscar, me, the environment he is in etc. I really want to help him and make him a lot happier, so any expert advice would be amazing.

Kind regards
J

 


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