Jules, am sorry that you're feeling such a sense of loss, and I understand why, but try not to worry.
We have a 9 month old kitten. Since he discovered he has his very own "key to the door" he loves to spend time outside exploring, and when he comes in, he spends a lot of time sleeping. We get far fewer cuddles or playtime sessions than we did when he was very dependent on us for his playtime and stimulation, but that's natural. It's what cats do, but when they're young, as Charlie is, he's beginning the second stage of his first year, and things are changing daily. He wants to assert his independence, and he's learning all the time. Like any teenager really, just as Mymblesdaughter says.
He's not really ignoring you - he's excited to see you, and he likes to share his muddy paws with you. It's just there's so much other stuff going on too.
Some cats aren't overtly affectionate, it's true. Our beloved Paddy, who we lost in April last year, was never one to seek out your lap or to lie on the bed with you (unless he was cold
) but I don't entertain any doubts about his capacity for love - we had 20 + years of learning just how much he loved us, and he was a right character. Occasionally he would sit next to us, and we would be permitted to rest a hand on him, or gently stroke him, but he didn't allow liberties - not until he was in his last 5 years, with ailing health, when he needed more reassurance and attention. Sometimes, if he was resting and he had a paw stretched out, if you touched the centre of his paw, he would grasp your finger and squeeze gently before letting go. A loving handclasp.
I know it's not the same as having a cat who is a real snugglebum, but give him time. Right now, he's got a whole new world opened up, and in the evening, he's no doubt turning things over, assimilating all of his new territory and what goes on in it. If you continue to pay him attention, give him a stroke, talk to him, he'll soak it all in, and you'll carry on being his bestest Mum in all der wurld.
When "outside" stops being so important he'll know that you're there looking after him as always. In other words, you'll be his devoted slave and he'll be your lil Charlie, only bigger and more growed up.
Don't be disheartened. Continue to initiate play sessions with Charlie, but don't push it if he isn't interested. Maybe pause by him and give him a gentle stroke, see how he reacts. keep it friendly, with a light touch if he gets