Hello,
I am a gorgeous (very true), much loved (even more true), well-behaved (not so true) and intelligent (not at all true) princess looking for a new home.
Let me start by telling you all about me. Myself. Me. Whichever. My name is Maddy, which is short for Madeira, which is short for Madeira Louise, which is short for ... oh, Mummy doesn't want me to give out my surname on the interwebs. Sorry. Anyway, I am Maddy, I am five years old, and I'm stripey like a tiger. You can marvel at my hotness below.
I was a feral kitten, but I've lived with Mummy and non-biological sister Pippo (she's fat - but don't tell her I said so - tee hee) since I was a few months old. At the moment we live in a flat in south east London, with the other additions we've picked up along the way. I love my Mummy, and Pippo, and the other cats, but I don't think I want to live inside anymore. I want to live somewhere with a garden, and maybe lots of fields, where I can warm my belly in the sunshine and impress you with my non-existent hunting abilities.
Lately I've been feeling sad at home. I know it's naughty, but I've been breaking things, and weeing on my favourite toys. I'm so bored and trapped! Mummy has tried to calm me down with sprays and supplements, but I am too magical for your human trickery! Mummy wonders if I might be happier if I could go outside, and keep myself entertained when everyone else is busy or sleeping, but she also said I probably shouldn't go near any roads. There was a nice lady who offered me a home on her farm - and I was pretty excited about chasing the horses, I can tell you - but she's not very well at the moment. Let's take a sentence to feel sad for the nice lady and then get back to the important thing: me.
Mummy said that if I didn't like my new home, I could always come back to this one. She promised me I'd never go to a rescue centre again, which is why I'm going to try to behave until another nice person offers me a place to eat and sleep. Who knows; I might decide I don't want to leave after all - but I have felt miserable for nearly a year now, so I don't know if that will happen. Mummy might win the lottery and be able to buy a big house in the country! In case that doesn't happen, I thought I'd see if anyone else is up to my standard.
I'm a very healthy girl. I have nasty injections every single year, and there's this piece of rice stuck in my back. Mummy says it's a microchip but I'm pretty sure it's something to eat. I can't have babies, but I never wanted them anyway! Yuck! I've got some short hairs, and some long ones, and Mummy says my tummy looks like a sheep. I'm missing a tiny tooth, but no one remembers how that happened. I like to run around at top speed, so I could have lost it when I ran into that wall one time... or the time after that...
I've got plenty of toys, which Mummy says I can take with me, but I'll chase most things. I'm pretty fast, though, so you'd better keep up. I love human beings, especially ones with hairbrushes in their hands, and I get on with other cats. Sometimes it takes me a while to admit that I like other cats, but I get there in the end, though I'd be just as happy in a house without any other pets. I'd quite like to be Queen of the house for a while. I've never met a real live doggie, and I haven't met a lot of children, but I'll try anything once!
Sometimes I get a bit grumpy, and then Mummy calls me Mad Eyed Moody. I just like to let out a good old hiss: it's as natural as yawning! I can be a bit tempermental - but really I'm just testing you to see if you're paying attention. I'd never hurt you, no matter how angry or tired I am. You know what they say about dogs and barks and bites? That's me! I've probably made myself sound a bit scary now, but I'm not: I'm actually very soppy, and purr most of the time. In fact, some days I purr so much that I dribble all over my long fur, but what's the odd spit bubble between friends?! I won't tell anyone if you do it too.
So, what do you think? Have you room in your home and heart for someone as charming as me? You can give me your phone number, if you'd like to talk to Mummy, or you can leave a message here. Mummy says that if someone comes along and I love them, she'd be willing to drive me to my new home. However, my new owner may need to give her a lot of tea and tissues when she gets there! Mummy tried to write to you herself but she couldn't stop crying. You humans can be so weedy at times! As Mummy is so over the top about these things, she'd like to check out my new home before I do, and she'd really love it if my new Mummy and/or Daddy could drop her a line every now and then, just to let her know how I'm doing. I don't know what she means by "drop her a line" - I'd have thought a phone call or email would make more sense, but what do I know?!
Anyway, I'm waiting to hear from you. Until then, I'll just be hanging out here, dreaming about my next adventure.
Love
Maddy
