Why does he not stay?

[Kay and Penny]

that  sounds sensible to me

a couple of months may change everything - if they are going away for a holiday I would certainly want to have his care still in my hands then

[pandora]

I don't know these neighbours very well and also have no idea what they are feeding him.  I only know that they are giving him food.  I feed him the good diets - pro plan, wellbeloved or science plan.  He ironically has come home every day at some point this last week, filling up with the goods and then leaving.  He also came when I cleared out the garden, assessing the damage and giving me a scowl as if to say: "I liked the mess better."  I don't know if they would do vet bills and flea treatment and worming and all the other things- some of them the cat hates me for (especially when I flea treat him - I am surprised he ahs not mauled me as he is shortly before it for sure).Today he came and ended up fighting with the neighbour's cat, as if to defend his territory here...which is not really his turf at all.  My other cats are so goofy they just allow the neighbour to wander in and they show no interest.  That is weird too.  I am still not comfortable with letting go.  So will need to give it more time and carry on to do the best I can.  As long as he is not ill or injured it is not so noticable as a problem.  And yes if the time came, I would change the chip details.  Volunteer in a rescue and do adoptions, so have done it all before.  That's what makes it worse, as I said before.

[Susanne (urbantigers)]

I think you have to put things on a formal footing with the neighbour...ie they should agree to actual ownership of the cat with all that entails ( insurance, vet care etc )

I agree.  You need to make sure that they understand that if they take responsibility for him, that means he is their cat and they will need to pay for vet treatment etc. and not think they can simply return him when it suits.  Don't forget to change the details on his microchip.

This must be really hard for you and it's understandeable that you dont' want to let him go.  What are the neighbours like?  Do you think they will give him a good home?  I must admit, it irks me when people take in someone else's cat like that and start feeding him etc.  I know he seems to have chosen to enter their house, but it sounds like they have started feeding him (what if he was on a special diet?) and treating him as their own cat without attempting to find out who he belonged to.  But if you think they genuinely care for him and will provide a loving home, then I think you need to let go.  He may still come to visit you 

[paddypaws]

I think you have to put things on a formal footing with the neighbour...ie they should agree to actual ownership of the cat with all that entails ( insurance, vet care etc )
I am sorry my dear, but you just have to let this one go both literally and metaphorically!

[pandora]

Thanks for the replies.  Seems to be a unanimous answer.  To a certain extent I have come to the same conclusion but the awkward times are when I go on holiday twice a year and I still feel I have to find someone to leave food down for him because he does come quite often to f'ill up' - although it is obvious he is fed elsewhere as he is in good shape.  The others go to a cattery together and like each others company.

I spoke to the rescue who still think that the neighbour is a bit unfair by feeding him and drawing him away further. I signed an agreement saying he was to be my cat and not to be handed elsewhere but they did say he is my cat and I have to make the decision.  It also feels weird that I can't make proper vet appointments and I pay insurance for him and he is not even my cat as such any more. I also spoke to the vet who says keeping him in for a while might change him - not sure about that one though as he attacks us then.   But he thinks age might change him too.

Irony at the moment is that my neighbours new cat likes the company of mine so much he/he (not sure) is all the time in our garden, playing around with mine and coming into the house. There is an only cat wanting companionship.  Not feeding it though as I don't want to make my neighbours feel like I do.

For now I think I keep things as they are, even though I am fed up with it.  I think another factor might be the gender because as a kitten I know he was brought up by a man and the place he goes to is owned by a man on his own with occasional visitors.  I am trying not to take this personally but it is difficult, considering what a life of luxury mine lead and have the free garden access for freedom as and when they choose. He could have all that.  And no passive smoking for him which he seems to get at the moment because he always smells of cigarettes.

It has put me off ginger (should have gone for the black pal in the pen with him)a bit though because years ago there was a nice ginger cat, also straying but then I was the receiving home.  No idea where he came from.  Have since abandoned colour partiality.

[paddypaws]

You must NOT feel as if you have failed! Cats are contrary creatures and it does sound as if this boy likes to be the only cat in the household. If the neighbours seem to genuinely want to take him on and care for him properly then I think that is the best option.
Perhaps offer the proviso that they will return to you if for any reason they can no longer keep him.
One of mine took herself off to not one but TWO separate new homes over the years. She is the quietest of my bunch and it seemed she preferred to live with local old ladies rather than me and her bossy brothers. She remained officially my cat though and is presently snoring her head off on the sofa next to me having picked me as her retirement home!

[Yvonne]

Sorry to hear this Pandora but at least you know where he is and he is safe and well cared for.

 

[Gill (sneakiefeline)]

Its very sad but he has decided for what ever reason he likes it there better and think you should let him be happy where he wants to be.

I am sure he may visit from time to time but think he will be happier there 

[Rosella moggy]

I've been where you are now and I think you should let go   

I've had cats all my life and was so shocked and upset when Tom's mom started to go visit near neighbours and their 2 gingers 20 years ago.  She eventually moved in full time and left us her son Thomas.  We put it down to her and Tom being separated when he was very little before they came to us and they never properly bonded again afterwards but it could easily have been that she just preferred the near neighbours   

[Millys Mum]

  

[Kay and Penny]

I had a Russian Blue cat called Cushty, who always preferred a neighbour's house to mine

in his case the draw was the fact that they had 5 cats, and here he was alone

seems to me your wanderer is the other way round, and wants to be an only cat

hard as it is, I think you will have to bite the bullet, and accept that he has found his ideal home, and the fact that the owners of that home want him too is a piece of good fortune really

I wouldn't be surprised if he wanders back to you occasionally though - lots of cats like to spread themselves around

[Pinkbear (Julie)]

Aw..! 

There'll be a reason for this no doubt. There is something about your home and set up he doesn't like, and there's something about their home and set up he does like. From what you've said I am tempted to suggest he feels crowded in your home - maybe he doesn't like sharing you? 

I do have to say we love cats for their independent nature but there's a price to pay for that - he's voted with his feet on this occasion.  I see it in rescue time and time again... a cat will just move in with folks if the fancy takes them and they are very good at picking good potential owners or safe havens in times of crisis. Not that your puss is in trouble at all, but cats are very good at knowing where to find a kind soul. 

If you trust these people I would be tempted to hand over ownership (after all puss has already made his choice) on the provision you get updates and they come back to you if there's a problem. 

[Tiggerman]

Well it seems that your cat has made its feelings known, whether you like it or not.

Its a tough choice to make, but if these other people are genuine and caring, then
it might be best to let your cat settle with them.

Not an easy one, but thats my opinion anyway.

[pandora]

I have been a cat owner for quite a few years now and I own five cats which I all got from one rescue at different ages.  Four of them have always been nice and settles but the third on I got almost three years ago has always been a problem.  I got him when he was six months old and event the settling in period was full of trepidations with him pooing up curtains and making a big mess. 

I called the rescue, determined to make it work, who suggested that I let him out a bit early.  That solved the  problems for a while and he became a more settled companion, staying in at night, always home for meal times and roaming in the gardens during the day. 

Then, some stormy February night, he disappeared without a trace.  He was only nine months old.  I walked the neighbourhood and knocked on fifty doors for three weeks and just as I was about to give up on him, I got a phone call saying he was found because he is actually chipped. 

I kept him in again to try and get him used to the home again but like before he was climbing the walls and this time started to get aggressive.  So I allowed him back to his former routine, which he kept for a few weeks but he disappeared again, returning to the place he went the last time- which I knew by then.  So Back and forth with basket for a while, getting back into these garden areas and eventually he stayed and got into the home for mealtimes routine. 

Then one day just casually stroking him, he attacked me, jumping on my back.  From that day on he often skipped days coming home but always returned after a while for his meals.  Then I got another young cat and that made him stay longer for a few weeks until he seemingly lost interest and disappeared.

Whilst out on a walk one day, I then noticed him in someone else's window and knocked on the door.  Turned out ,they have a broken cat flap and he just wanders in and they feed him and treat him as their cat.  Apparently he is friendly with them and everything.  I feel really betrayed somehow.  I pay insurance,the occasions he comes home I have tried anything from giving treats to ignoring him but he is always grumpy. I inevitably 'torture' him with flea treatment, which makes im even worse and all I get is hissing and growling and swipes.  Even for his jabs I can't just make him an appointment because I can not get hold of him.  Instead I have to co ordinate with the neighbour which |I am really embarrassed about.

Bottom line:  the neighbour now wants him as his cat.  What should I do?  I work as a volunteer for the rescue he came from and feel like such a failure if he were to be written over to tese other people.  What should I do?