Topic: Just need a shoulder to cry on, really (Read 5711 times)

Sheli_80 · « **Reply #33 on:** June 25, 2009, 12:47:14 PM »

Sorry to hear about Spook.

Gillian Harvey · « **Reply #32 on:** June 23, 2009, 15:44:05 PM »

So sorry to hear about Spook

Angiew · « **Reply #31 on:** June 23, 2009, 15:28:26 PM »

Very sorry - RIP Spook.

Hopefully it won't be too long before you can remember all the good times with fondness.

swampmaxmum · « **Reply #30 on:** June 23, 2009, 10:37:52 AM »

I'm so very sorry about Spook and am thinking of you

RIP little one

Yvonne · « **Reply #29 on:** June 23, 2009, 08:27:27 AM »

Hello Geri and

to Purrs

Just caught up with the story about Spook - so very sorry to hear this

Maybe when you feel ready you coud post some pictures of Spook

Spook

Desley (booktigger) · « **Reply #28 on:** June 23, 2009, 07:18:29 AM »

I am sorry to hear this, but you gave your little girl the last act of love and kindness we can give them, and she is lucky for that, you took her pain yourself so she could be free. RIP little one

Bazsmum · « **Reply #27 on:** June 23, 2009, 04:41:49 AM »

RIP Spook x

geri.....

Judecat (Paula) · « **Reply #26 on:** June 23, 2009, 01:32:01 AM »

You made the right decision. Massive Hugs to you and your OH.

Play hard at The Bridge Spook!

Jasmine · « **Reply #25 on:** June 22, 2009, 23:38:11 PM »

Sorry to hear your sad news.

RIP Spook

AliCat · « **Reply #24 on:** June 22, 2009, 22:22:05 PM »

RIP Spook.

CC & The Pussycat Guys & Dolls · « **Reply #23 on:** June 22, 2009, 22:19:14 PM »

Godbless little one xxx

Sam (Fussy_Furball) · « **Reply #22 on:** June 22, 2009, 22:16:12 PM »

Geri I'm so sorry I've only just seen this thread

Please accept my sincere condolences ... I'm sure your heart must be breaking at the moment but you must take comfort from knowing that even though it was one of the hardest decisions any of us has to make it was also the greatest gift we can give to the ones we love ... to allow them to pass over with dignigty and surround by our love.

RIP Spook much loved and sorely missed by your mummy. Play hard at the bridge little soul until it's time for you to meet up again. xxx

Fleetwood · « **Reply #21 on:** June 22, 2009, 22:14:37 PM »

How awful, poor spook

Kay and Penny · « **Reply #20 on:** June 22, 2009, 22:06:04 PM »

you and Spook had a bonus two weeks together - I hope they were good ones

you will miss her terribly, but will be glad to know she had no pain, and her passing was peaceful and easy

run free at the Bridge, little one

Dark Moon · « **Reply #19 on:** June 22, 2009, 21:04:41 PM »

Me and my crew will be holding you and Spook close, close in our hearts tonight.

You did the right thing. A hard thing. But the right thing.

Thinking of you both..... and sending much love your way.

Janeyk · « **Reply #18 on:** June 22, 2009, 20:51:17 PM »

So sorry

Godbless Spook xx

bonnielass · « **Reply #17 on:** June 22, 2009, 20:43:44 PM »

Im so sorry to hear your sad news,but at least you allowed her to go with dignity and knowing how much you loved her

Im thinking of you and OH and send lots of

moiramassey · « **Reply #16 on:** June 22, 2009, 20:27:57 PM »

Thinking of you both

RIP Spook

Mark · « **Reply #15 on:** June 22, 2009, 20:27:21 PM »

geri · « **Reply #14 on:** June 22, 2009, 20:21:26 PM »

Update - we took Spook this evening, and it was very painless and quick.

I will miss her loads, but I think we timed it right as she wasn't in a good way at all.

Thanks for all your good wishes.

Bazsmum · « **Reply #13 on:** June 22, 2009, 09:26:44 AM »

Nothing to add to whats already been said geri, just wanted to give you this.....

Millys Mum · « **Reply #12 on:** June 21, 2009, 19:26:34 PM »

Quote from: Dark Moon on June 21, 2009, 13:48:41 PM

But know this... While losing her will hurt you tremendously, it really is the kindest thing you can do. It's one of those times - maybe the most important time - when we want to be selfish and keep them, but need to be strong and let them go. Surround her with love when the time comes (have never understood those who drop them off to be PTS without their people next to them!) and try not to cry then. Cry later. At the time, just tell her how much you love her. How happy she has made you. How much you will miss her - but also know that you'll never really be apart. And then let her go.

Dark moons words are very true, its never easy letting them go but its the one thing that animals have better than us, they are allowed to go with dignity and respect.
Deciding quality of life is hard as eating isnt always a sure sign they are ok.
Phone and speak to your vet, he can help you but needs to know what your thinking, they dont want to pressure owners but when asked will speak. Homevisits are easy to get here if you think it will help your OH

Janeyk · « **Reply #11 on:** June 21, 2009, 17:55:26 PM »

I agree with DM, we've had both situations too and whatever you do you always think what if I had left it longer, should I have done it sooner. I would say this though out of the two situations I think the after worry has been less when we have made the decision sooner than later, hope that helps

geri · « **Reply #10 on:** June 21, 2009, 17:48:02 PM »

Thanks - you're all so kind.

Dark Moon · « **Reply #9 on:** June 21, 2009, 13:48:41 PM »

I feel so badly for you.

The only thing I can say is that whatever you do, you'll likely regret it. You shouldn't, but likely will. I have seen so many of my babies to the foot of that bridge. I regret those I left 'too late', inflicting needless suffering on them. But I also regret the one (only one) I let go 'early'. While I KNOW it was the right thing to do, I will always wonder........

I too decided once to let them die at home. My Baby Angus died in my arms - but of a heart attack (him having been treated for the condition for over a year). So I don't regret that. But my Myshkin........ He taught me that it is likely best to be taken to the vet. I deeply regret him. Came home from work to find him dead at the side of my bed...... He had his brothers and sisters around him when he passed I expect, but I deeply, deeply regret that I wasn't with him. Will never, ever do that again.

The 'best' was Muff. That was almost 30 years ago now. But at that time the vet would come. He came and she was PTS in my arms, in our livingroom. THAT is what I hope for all kitties facing the transition. Being safe and loved in their peoples' arms at home while being set free....... Sadly, I don't know of any vets (here anyway) that are willing to make 'house calls'. Sad. It is the best and kindest thing they could do. Ask yours anyway. It's worth a try.

But know this... While losing her will hurt you tremendously, it really is the kindest thing you can do. It's one of those times - maybe the most important time - when we want to be selfish and keep them, but need to be strong and let them go. Surround her with love when the time comes (have never understood those who drop them off to be PTS without their people next to them!) and try not to cry then. Cry later. At the time, just tell her how much you love her. How happy she has made you. How much you will miss her - but also know that you'll never really be apart. And then let her go.

And, should you need shoulders to cry on - come back here. We all know the pain. And have lots and lots of hugs.

Kay and Penny · « **Reply #8 on:** June 21, 2009, 12:07:47 PM »

have you asked the vet if he would pts at home? it would be less stressful for Spook, and you could howl all you want to

swampmaxmum · « **Reply #7 on:** June 21, 2009, 11:40:04 AM »

I'm so sorry. All I can add is that the extent of the palliative care you give Spook will depend on how she is day to day. I understand so well that you don't want her to suffer, but nor do you want to end things until you are sure there is no quality of life left. Many vets prefer to defer the big decision to you. I think the question is not really so much 'what would you do if it was your cat?' to the vet, but more about whether s/he thinks that it is unkind or unfair to prolong things as the cat is feeling dreadful all the time or in constant intolerable pain. Some vets will support palliative care for seriously ill pets who still have some quality of life left and others are less ready to do so. Some owners don't want to or don't have the time to (I am not judging anyone as this is the most terrible decision for anyone) do time consuming and emotionally draining palliative care when the prognosis is terminal.

All I can pass on are 2 things I have learnt with help from some wonderful people on here and from my own experience with both of my terminally ill cats (who I am nursing still) - does the good still outweigh the bad on a day to day basis, as there will be often both good and bad days; secondly if you pts now, will you have regrets afterwards when you look back about the decision and its timing; and only you, who can see her day to day and know and love her, can decide when enough is enough.
big hugs & sending you lots of support for whatever you decide is right

Desley (booktigger) · « **Reply #6 on:** June 21, 2009, 09:48:53 AM »

I am sorry that you have found us under such sad circumstances. I adopted a cat last year who turned out to have intestinal lymphoma, and her symptoms were constant hunger and diarrhea, she was pooing a lot and fairly soon, and the vet said that eating well wasn't a good indicator with her, and she would effectively starve to death as she wasn't keeping her food in her long enough to give her any nutrients, steroids didn't really work well with her. She is really the only cat i have had that I wanted to give a bit longer to, but I think that was more because she had spent over a year in a rescue and only 5 weeks in a home. I would ask your vet frankly, and it is better to let them go too soon while they still have a quality of life, than wait and risk them suffering or be in pain.

geri · « **Reply #5 on:** June 21, 2009, 09:45:25 AM »

Thanks for your replies. I'll keep my eye on her today and hopefully she will eat later - my other cat also left the food, and she is definitely not ill, so maybe they just don't fancy it for some reason.

I've just had a week off work and have to go back tomorrow, but if I need to take her to the vet, then I will just have to take more time off. if I am going to have her PTS then I could really do with the whole day off as I know I will just be crying most of the time.

woodlandcats · « **Reply #4 on:** June 21, 2009, 09:31:42 AM »

When I have something like that, I always ask my vet what she would do and we always agree that it's best to PTS, when life quality has gone down. How much it hurts though, it's the best thing you can do.
I feel so sorry for you, it's hard to be new to a forum with a question like this.
It's only you that knows if and when you are ready to say goodbye.
I wish you wisdom

Angiew · « **Reply #3 on:** June 21, 2009, 09:25:57 AM »

Hi and welcome to the forum at such a sad time.
I think most of us on here have been there and it is such a hard decision to make.

Most vets will let the owner decide when the time is right, after all it is the owner that has to grieve after the event and with the grief comes the big guilt trip. Have you asked the vet what he would do if Spook was his?

The more cats I have here, the harder I find to make the decision. My friend Jill runs a 'hospice' for cats and being an ex-nurse is better at coping with death. She tells me (as have a few others) that death is not always a painful experience. With experience, you can assess how uncomfortable a cat is.

Not being experienced enough to make that call, I tend to err on the side of I'd prefer them to go a bit earlier than to have a miserable few hours/days and sometimes weeks - but I do acknowledge that I am a coward in such situations.

I was once told by a vet many years ago that if a cat was still eating and showing an interest in life then there was no harm in continuing. That Was with my first 'adult' cat, Earl Grey who had stomach cancer but then another vet told me when I had him PTS that in reality all I was doing was feeding the tumour - though by then he had started to fit so may have had secondary tumours. At that point, we had moved a litter box near where he slept in the living room, fed him where he slept (and he was always ravenous) and had things for him to get up and down of coffee tables etc. In retrospect , 15 years or so after his death, I might now have called it a little bit sooner. A good vet is trained to let the owner decide in his own time but will gently guide you to the decision.

Its a very personal decision to have to make and really one only you can do. Whatever you decide , you are going to feel guilty and hate yourself for a while - even if you do let nature takes it course you will agonize about that.
Missing one meal, does not mean the end is in sight, perhaps Spook is just feeling a bit sick this morning.

Take each day as it comes, my heart is with you.

Janeyk · « **Reply #2 on:** June 21, 2009, 09:19:07 AM »

Hi Geri, sorry to welcome you to Purrs at such a sad time.

It's very difficult when you have to make these decisions I know only to well as we went through a similar thing with our boy three months back. We talked with our vet alot and said would you do if it was your cat etc and that guided us regarding giving him treatment. I was also able to be with him all day and give him pallative care - he had sinus problems and suspected a tumour so his legs started to go and his sight but when he got where his back legs got worse and he went off his food and just lay there we knew it was time, I wouldn't have let him die at home. It's heartbreaking but I wouldn't let my boy suffer and I'm sure you won't let your kitty suffer either

we are always here to talk to you whenever

geri · « **Reply #1 on:** June 21, 2009, 09:02:32 AM »

This is my first post so I hope this is the right forum.

My cat Spook was diagnosed with an abdominal tumour at the beginning of May. Apparently there is nothing that can be done, and the vet said then that if she gets any worse it would be kinder to have her put to sleep. He gave her various injections and these seem to keep her going for about 3 weeks, then she goes downhill a bit and we take her back for more.

Just before the last lot of injections (almost two weeks ago now) she was very poorly and we didn't think she would make it - she went off her food, and blood was coming out of her rear end. We honestly thought the time had come to let her go, and we took her to the vets with a heavy heart, but to our surprise he gave her some more injections and said bring her back in 2-3 weeks.

Anyway, over the weekend she seems to have gone downhill again, she is just skin and bone and her back legs are so weak she can't jump up, although she can still walk (albeit a bit wobbly). It's breaking my heart to see her like this, but on the other hand I can't bring myself to make the decision to end her life. She was still eating as of last night, but I gave them (I have two cats) some food this morning and I thought she was eating it, but then she went outside and when I looked at the plate the food is hardly touched.

I just need some guidance - I wish the vet would tell me in no uncertain terms that it was time to let her go, but he seems to be leaving it to me, and I don't know what the right thing to do is. My OH wants her to die at home, but I've told him that may not be the kindest thing to do. He doesn't think she is in any pain, but I can't tell if she is or not.

People have told me that you just "know" when the time is right but I thought I knew two weeks ago. I don't want to be responsible for prolonging her suffering, but on the other hand I don't want to have her put to sleep if she still has some quality time left in her.

Author Topic: Just need a shoulder to cry on, really (Read 5711 times)

Dark Moon

Dark Moon