My friend just sent me this... it made me giggle!
DOG DIARY:
7:00 A Outside! My favorite thing!
8:00 A Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:00A A ride in the car! My favorite thing!
9:30A A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30A Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
Noon Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 P Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
2:00 P Looked out the window and barked! My favorite thing!
3:00 P Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
4:00 P Chased a bird out of a tree! My favorite thing!
5:00 P Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 P Watched my people eat! Table scraps! My favorite thing!
7:00 P Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 P Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 P Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat while the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for my rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must
eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a good little hunter I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of allergies. I must learn what this
means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
captors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog continues to receive special privileges. He is regularly
released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
