One year since my little girl was PTS.
She left me but the pain of loosing her , lives with me. I lost many cats in my life but i guess its the way they leave you stays.
It was 10th December which i had to take her to the vet for them in order to operate and see why she is lost so much weight and being sick,they couldnt say with all the tests they did on her! She was sitting out side my flat, i always had to leave the door open other wise she would get really scared, so i took the carrier out and closed the front door and she paniced trying to get in to the flat and i picked her and went to the vet. It was four hours later i had a call from the vet saying she is on operating table and its pancreatic cancer and there is nothing he can do,asking me what do i want to do? I asked how long she has left and was told we can buy some time for her with steroid but its a no win case, i felt shattered, and remember her face in the morning wondering why she cant get in , i asked him to close her up and reverse the sadative. How selfesh of me i should have let her go but i was so desperate i was hoping they might be wrong or some miricales might happened.
DD , came home and the steroid injections started ,she was fine eating and even playing, in order to make sure not to get streesed i had the vet doing home visit and everytime he came he said she looks well but reminded me its no win situation,and every day i woke up feeling scared and sick in my stomach knowing she is going soon and i cant do anything to help her, it was christmas eve he came for her injection and said she looks really good and he is increasing the dose and this should gine DD, 2 to 3 weeks more but four days later she started getting so sick and couldnt keep anything down, really bad and i called them,my vet was away on holiday and there was this vet covering for them, i had to take her in he couldnt do home visit , but my vet agreed when the time comes he put her under sedatives before PTS, she wasnt the easieast cat, so i aske this guy to give her sedative and he injected her in her leg and she went mad, 1/2 hour later and she was still wide awake and i could see he wants to leave, so he rushed her in and more sedative and she fought back while i was holding her, i could see he is not happy handeling her and to make everything worse for me and her he hit her between the eyes with two fingers thats when i screamed and told him not to do that to my cat and he said thats the way to check if the sedatie worked, it broke my heart i know she felt it and then she was PTS. I never forget that evening, i tried so hard to make her last few weeks peaceful, but what happened that day and her little face looking at me , and not knowing whats happening. I wish i had let her go the first day and not putting her through so much pain. I never forgive myself and that vet for the way he treated her , he should have given her enough sedative the first time , i accepted she was sick and time for her to leave us but the way she left its like a nightmare i cant get out of my head.
One year , and i still cry every time i remember my DD, i light candels for her since last week and want to tell her its because of her now Phoebe has a loving home, because Phoebe's past was similar to DD,she came from the same rescue , same age and not much loved.
So my sweet pea, RIP and i am so so sorry if your last day with me on this earth wasnt peaceful.
:'(xxx
